Possible migration

http://jericholaw.wordpress.com/

Something's lacking...

and so i was thinking and i can't help but slowly realised that i'm lacking something lately. Humour. Great deal of it i reckon. And... somehow, just like the new mv in my blog, i guess the only thing left is just to show you my 风度

and so...

time flies once again. Been almost another month since my last post, and now its a period of study and mugging for exams. Actually not very applicable to my case, cause i can't really bother. Just do what i can from now till my papers.

The past 2-3 weeks was probably the toughest period for my 3 semesters in NUS. Barely catching enough sleep rushing 2 major projects and having tests and presentations along the way. Before i dwell further into school stuff, i'm just gonna update alittle about today. Call it ill-fate, or carelessness, i just think it sucks to be me.

The drama started this morning. As i stayed out the night, i made my way back home around 11am. It started with me having to do a run to catch the bus. And speaking of which, the short distance although didn't cause me to pant like a dog, but i can feel that my legs are not running as fast as my mind and body wished to. Time to seriously lose some weight and get back in shape.

Just as i thought my day started on a bad note, what lies ahead is just what i need to make my sentiments dead on.

So when i was about to reach my doorsteps, i realised i have forgotten to bring my keys out. And so i knocked on the door. After few knocks and to confirm what i fear most, the gate is knocked too. And... this only means my parents is out. Viola, there you go, my god-knows-how-many-times i'm stranded outside.

And so i went downstairs and sat near the playground looking at the familar kitchen windows and only myself to blame for forgetting my keys. Unsure how long my wait will be, i took a slow walk and got myself the papers and went back to the bench and start reading every single article that interests me.

At this point of time, if you guys are wondering why didn't i call my parents, just for the records, they don't carry mobile phones, in short, out and unreachable. My brother's probably working and so this sum up my alternatives to get the keys to my house.

After an hour or so, i know the wait is gonna be a long one, so i head to have my lunch alone. Seriously, to date, i don't recall me having meals alone outside that often. Kinda sucky to do that. Went to the prata house near my place and to make my day even more gloomy, my crave for mee goreng wasn't available until 3pm. So i settled for 3 plain pratas and i sure took my time and sat till 1 plus.

At times i felt like calling my friends out, few who actually stayed quite near me, the thought of doing so just flashed by and i just dropped idea without much hesitation. I guess i'm the kind who rather suffer being alone than to trouble others. Maybe it will make my situation even worse when i get rejections or shrugs for suggesting them to head out and accompany me for lunch, just because i'm locked out.

So i head back to the playground and sat for another half an hour, only to see my psp died on me. How nice. Real icing on the cake perhaps.

As i repeatedly attempt to call home, hoping for my parents to pick up if they're back and staring most of the time at the windows, i start recalling the last time i had the same situation. Guess that was probably many years back when i was in secondary days. I remembered i had few lock out in my primary days as well. And for the record, today wasn't the longest at 5hours+, i think i had a record still standing at 6hours plus. That was alot worse too, for that i didn't have the luxury of having my lunch and playing my portable console game.

Around 2pm, i made my way to amk centre. Decided to head where the crowd is and prevent myself from going senile with the wait. So i took the slow 15minutes walk and started window shopping at Hub's NTUC at my first stop. Surprisingly, i stayed there for almost an hour. And... NTUC is quite a good place to get most of the stuff you need at home. At least for AMK's one, i saw pretty much quite some items i would seriously consider having them for my house in the future. 

I was also picturing myself as an old uncle shopping with my wife for goceries and stuff. Can't blame me for having this thought, for every 10 steps i took, i'm bound to face 1 eldery couple. Guess it's a norm in supermarkets.

After the "window market", i walked around centre, and with no where else to head to, my last destination was the AMK National Library. Side-track a little, have you guys wonder why AMK's library is located at such a "wulu" place? I know it have been there since i was born, but seriously, it's super isolated. And despite this, it's still crowded. Singaporeans like to mug and read? Maybe... And, i just couldn't find a section where all the magazines are shelved.

Call me a library idiot, but seriously, i think the layout despite being more modern, it's quite hard to get what i want, and... i just don't understand why there's an Indian studying corner. Call me "R...ist", but i'm just wondering how and why is there a need for such segmentation.

As the thunder start roaring from the sky, i decided to make my way back before it start pouring and me getting stuck again. And with that, my call back home finally got answered and i officially reached home at 430pm.

Define ill fate and i will show you what it means.

Back to school stuff. Monday's my first paper, and i haven't got the thought of touching it yet. Maybe it's open book and it's business communication, so the preparation work isn't alot. But if you ask me, like i always say, examinations: A test of brain memory and if coupled with good command of English, you are able to crap your A out. 

What? Me being negative and labelling examinations as something not desirable? Yes. I am. I don't care how much you wanna argue with me that studying without tests and exams ain't gonna work, for you will never know how well one has managed to comprehend the ideas taught, or apply it in the correct perspective. 

My only statement for this is that, if you know all the exam questions, and you got them all correct, does it mean you're more knowledgeable? I can give you 2 cases of such scenarios. 

1 super mugger who can literally read and write every single word out from text and lecture notes and he has distinction for English. I'm sure you guys won't have discrepancies that he is bound to do well right?

2nd case, 1 super lucky guy who decides to take the shortcut and mug only selected chapters which happen to be the majority of questions tested. Lucky but manage to do reasonably well too.

So with the well-proclaimed bell curve system, these 2 categories of students got the As and Bs. And so now you asked, how about those who mug hard, didn't have good command of English to express their answers even when they already got what is supposedly the correct ideas to the question? Sucks to be them right? Cs and Ds became their friends.

Now you tell me, is education a medium whereby we start becoming 'racist' to individuals' intellectual growth or capabilities?

In this world of extremes, where there are categories/stereotypes of hell and heaven, kind and evil, ugly and pretty, police and thief, tall and short, fat and slim, rich and poor, famous and anonymous...

Tell me is it a choice for us to choose where we fall under? Along the way in life, yes, maybe we can choose to be ugly, choose to poor, fat... choose to be all the negative craps no one desires. But choosing to be rich, pretty, slim, famous... is it alot easier and attainable? You tell me.

Some might also be thinking, why make one's life so tiring with all these meaningless thoughts and negatively of life. Indeed, we don't have to go through all these, for we never get to achieve the ideal state of living no matter how we yearn it.

To end off, i urge you guys reading this, to think about what is it in life that makes you special from others. Maybe if you can come out with something, most likely you are now living in a better life as compared to others.

Till then.

The soul in you

Exactly 2 more months down the road, we would have reach the day many call for celebration, X'mas. And what does this mean, it means i'm 3 weeks away from my major project submission and 6 weeks away from my examinations. So time flies once again, and another semester is just about to end.

Probably not gonna touch on too much about studies. I guess the only real thing i can find in university nowadays is that i see muggers and proactive students will tonnes of questions in tutorial and some of the questions are just questioned to portray their intelligence and the extra effort reading up on texts and articles.

Yeah, well done all the top notch students, you earn yourself a great future to come. Only if you are more aware of the fact that you bought yourself a ticket to a possible good prospect/career, but you may not have the other social elements in dealing people, interacting with others, be less outspoken when necessary and be less selfish by not doing a great of work and deliberately give the impression that no work is done. Whether its just competitive nature or not, what's your point?

I think i sound pissed with hardworking and smart students, maybe i am just another typical loser who whines at someone's success, but i guess my point is that i just dislike the very fact that in this dog eat dog world, we are judged by our academic grades more than anything else. Never mind the fact that you're a guy who opens all the doors for strangers, helping every single elderly across the busy roads, for you're just the average Joe if you don't have a colorful resume that are filled with stacks of certificates and letter of recommendations.

So i was reading the yahoo news earlier and i have to quote this out. Extracted from the article, "MM Lee says world economy will be restored in 3 to 5 years", our MM Lee touched on a topic that says, "assortive mating", that is, finding a spouse at your level — something he strongly believes in.

He said: "I have explained this. I think I lost votes after I explained the awful truth. Nobody believed it, but slowly it dawned on them, especially the graduates, that yes, you marry a non—graduate, then you worry about whether or not your son or daughter is going to make it to the university."

So even the government is stressing the importance of qualification of your spouse when you are looking to settle down and start a family. Thus, this topic brings me to another article, also extracted from yahoo news, "Singapore gets top marks in UN World’s Cities Report", in short the UN has lauded the 43—year—old city state as a model city. However, experts cautioned that as all cities progress, they will no longer be measured just by their level of economic, social and environmental progress.

Cities like Singapore will also have to look at its inclusiveness and its quality of life. Related to this, the report said cultural assets too should be protected to nurture the soul of the city.

Quality of life. So i guess living in first class world, we are clouded by all the things that revolves around money. We worry about not getting a job that pays well enough to own a car, a house and support our parents and maybe kids. Maybe, because, with the financial burden piling, you just have to think how much a kid cost you now, instead of the upbringing.

Another thing about being a scholar, or a high flyer in many aspects, is that you are more hated by others rather than gaining respect. Some weeks back, there was this casual conversation with my project team mate and that he was saying he respect a well-doing person more if he/she don tattoos. Well-doing in the sense if he/she is academic high flyer, and is somewhat a pleasant person.

So i offered myself as an example and suggested that what if i'm covered in tattoos, he said he will salute and give me 100% of his respect. So i guess Scofield's role in Prison Break would easily earn a 101% respect from him. But, the big but, does the society accept one who dons a body of tattoos with first class honours, a graduate from Harvard for example?

A 99% no-no, for that the social stigma we have is that one shouldn't smoke, drink or party excessively, and tattoos are just not presentable in the business context.

Coming to the end for this post, just some food for thought, what kind of lifestyle, what kind of academic standings and what kind of family do you see yourself in right now?

I have no clue who's reading this, so i can't really give you my 5 cents worth of opinions regarding you, but for myself, i think i'm in a lifestyle whereby i may be slightly envy by a few, just a few, but i don't enjoy being who i am.

My academic standings is nowhere near excellence and fortunately nowhere near the pit. So i guess i'm just contented with my current grades? And what kind of family do i see myself in? I've seen some friends of mine with slightly less complete family; single family or parents not in speaking terms. So i would say, mine's somewhere in the middle; in terms of income, in terms of unity, in terms of completeness.

So having all the average "rankings" for my life, how good is my quality of life? Personally i like to procrastinate, until when it hits the crunch time, then i'll go into full gear. Bet many of us is just like that. For this, you can probably say that i created my life the way i wanted it to be.

I do love to have lotsa of things for sure, like becoming a self-made billionaire, owning a mansion that has a 5 minutes driveway to my 2 storey doors, drive a ferrari, have a blissful family, but when i have the big word "reality" smack at me, i have to wake up and feel sorry that i don't have the brains, the right ideas nor the right opportunity to make it come true. For now at least.

Seek as i may, i just hope that even when someday i have all the material stuff i yearn to, my soul is still intact. What about you?

Lessons learn in life

Ok, guess i'll get an earful for blogging at this time when i should already be sleeping. But anyway, the mood just kicks in and here i am.. 2nd post for the month.

For a start, i just finished up a movie, "Felon". Personally i think it's a great show, for that the storyline isn't those typical fantasy-kind or like those some called them "watch-and-forget". In short, it's about a guy who protected his family by accidentally killing an intruder to this house, ends up spending time in jail, learning the disgusting ugly side of things that happen behind the bars. If you guys have some spare time, do try to watch it. In my humble opinion, it's a 8/10.

Its been quite awhile since i get viewers' response, and since this post is more about thoughts and opinions, i guess it's good time to post a question for the floor.

Do you guys ever observe the small little things around your life, either complain about it, or get disgusted by it, followed by putting yourself into the shoe of that person or into the act by someone and try to comprehend it in another way, lastly end off by learning a lesson?

Now, that last statement probably gonna put some of you into a land of question marks, or probably get turned off by my English. Nevertheless, read on if you don't get it and please don't dwell on it. It's already quite bad to have a writer who thinks too hard.

So, lesson number 1: When you put yourself into something, whole-heartedly, how fast and well can you pull yourself out of it, walk off without looking back, and not feel a slight pinch.

It's not so much just about relationship, or work. I'm sure that part is quite understandable. I'm looking at those minor stuff, and it could be just a conversation, whereby you share your views and you are pretty sure you're in the right side. So you go all out to make sure your voice get heard by the other party, and you try to put down all the arguments against your point.

If you're one aggressive guy, you probably will shut the other person up, but deep down you know you may be wrong on some points. Likewise, if you're the soft-spoken one, you probably keep your say and opinions closer to your heart, and let the other party get the "win" in the verbal exchange, knowing he/she is just too blind to see or accept the facts.

I have to admit i'm the aggressive type, but seriously deep down i know i'm wrong at times. Even if i'm not, my aggression probably overkill the other party and i lost out hearing views about my blindspots. Once again, this is something not taught in the text, something not usually looked into in-depth, and i must say you probably have to "think-alot" to even come close to getting all this alien-thoughts running through your head.

Lesson number 2: You expect everyone in this world to have a clear idea what's right, what's the most ingenious way of dealing with things, and that why people just fail to see the "6" on the dice.

Let me relate to a classic example that happened at last Friday's MindCafe session with my buddies, on this game about Expressions. Can't remember the exact name, in general it's a game whereby you either draw, say, or act out the expression drawn from the cards. Out of the 20+ expression, there's only 3-4, at most 5, whereby the rest of the table got the same guess.

Once again, i commit alot of this act, whereby i tend to get nervy about others not being able to get what i'm trying to relate or state. So i guess you can put me as someone who rather do all the fishing for you, than to teach you how to fish throughout the entire fishing trip.

Good and bad. If you're someone who's more lay-back, sure, my impatience probably complements you well, by doing the job for you. On the contrary, if you're more persistent in getting to knowledge and facts, rather than accepting without any questions, you probably hate me for being such an arse, who always think he's smart and self-centered.

Lesson number 3: When feeling unappreciated, you turned into someone who presumed the world is black, and as time goes, you just switch off and accepted the very fact that in this cruel society, one's survival is often build upon someone's suffering or unhappiness.

I guess you can't help believe, or start to realise that in this small planet of 6 billion population, we are one species who cares alot more about ourselves more than anything else. So i wonder if this is one of the reason why, we as human, can never kill ourselves by holding our breath without any external factors.

In my previous post, at the last part where i complained about those group of people, it's just all about this; doing more for oneself, doing less for the rest.

Guess i'll end here. There are alot more lessons i have in mind. But before i go on the list, lesson 0, always get yourself sleep when you know you need to.

Till then

Random

Once again, it's been a month since my last update. Time flies, i'm coming to the end of week 5 for the current semester. In short, it's another $3k gone to NUS, another 7 weeks from exams, another semester gone with ever increasing desire to burn the books and just enjoy and party everyday.

Speaking about total random, i lodged a police report today by making a call earlier during the day. In short, i was waiting for bus and i saw a guy behaving rather weird. Call it my gut instinct or whatsoever, when i saw a malay male approached him, and that the guy, call him A, reached into this groin area to take out something, i just have to think that it wasn't just simply the uncivilised act.

He saw me looking towards his direction and he keep looking. So tell me, unless you're doing something wrong, why would you stare back at a person looking from afar, when someone in front of you is speaking to you. As i hesitate to make a police call, i kept my sight on him. Good thing my bus didn't come fast enough.

Anyway, part of the reason for my hesitation, was that i'm thinking which number to dail, the triple, or the toll free 1800. I was thinking of calling the nearest police centre, but... who knows their number? Frankly i have no clue.

So after some thoughts, i decided to be good citizen for once, and i dialed the toll free 1800. Triple number will probably overkill the gut feeling i have. Don't think it's something worth their trouble. Anyway, the almost 40s of call waiting almost made me hung up the call, talk about efficiency, guess if i'm making a serious urgent report, "nasi lemak" would have hailed a cab, waved back at me, and disappear into corners before someone picks up, for me to either stare in disbelief while holding the phone or comtemplate hanging up and avoid being accused of making false alarm.

Actual call content shall not be discussed here. So as i was standing waiting for bus, keeping my sight with him as he was walking around the entire void deck, AIA called me. While trying to comprehend the conversation, i was half the time thinking when will the guys in blue appear, whether A has gone, and keeping in mind i have a bus to catch.

Just as i was about to end the call by throwing the disgusted reply of, "can i get back to you", from the corner of my eye, i saw a group of people, and i turned to my right. So guess what? It's a scene of 7-8 men in blue, walking towards and calling out to A, who tried walking off calmly near towards the bus stop.

Not alot of action, for A stopped after repeated calls and follow the "blues" back to the void deck. My bus came, and i left. Not exactly dramatic enough, and i didn't get any follow up call from them, so i guess either he's clean or they did their job and so my job as a "good citizen" ends.

Anyway for now, i'm looking forward to Friday. Probably the night i can slack more, for that the past 5 weeks i don't remember letting my hair down.

One last note before i leave. This is something i keep complaining and experiencing it day to day. The EQ of Singaporeans, NUS students, lecturers and more specific, human race.

Let me elaborate in details. I'm not sure how many reading this are public commuters, but i have to say, those taking MRT or bus are either too self-centred, or possess the infamous "kiasuism". Let's start with MRT, i hate to say, i simple don't understand people who like to crowd at the pole at middle of entrances. All will try to have a piece of the cold metal. Are they just simply too cautious not to fall, or they just want to have a touch of it since everyone is trying to do so.

For f sake, move in, especially to the center of the car or the other entrance where the doors are not opening. There's like ZILLION of space there. Worse situation is when you transit from Raffles towards Boon Lay. I know many office workers are desperate to get in for just 1-2 stops, so they will just squeeze and push their way in, and when they are in, they want to crowd at the direct opposite doors. Leaving another zillion space at the center of the car. Why?

Because they want to be the first to leave the train, hopefully be the first to step on the escalator, and be the first to step in the office and proclaim to be diligent worker who never fails to come work on time.

Now bus. I'm sure i don't have to touch on the part we as proud Singaporean, never wants to be the last, unless there's seat behind, many won't want to enter the "forbidden" zone, which happens to be the back of the bus. Even if they does, they want the passengers sitting down facing their back, to know that they got big branded bags, maybe i should call them luggages. For that "show-off" they again took up another person's standing spot. Why not right? Since they already paid for their ride, getting another free space is definitely a good bargain.

And guess what? The bus simply won't move even it's already full, with passengers almost like sardines. Now what? Oh, cause the kind driver wants more to be able to get on the bus and not be late. How nice of him.

So for f sake, if you're those trying super hard to get up when it's already packed, just back off and ask the driver to move on will ya? You are just delaying the 60 others who already got in. I just don't understand this part. Be considerate when others aren't considerate to you. For once, you will definitely be the one either in the bus or outside. Either way, be considerate and move on!

Now come the best part. Lecturers. I'm not even going to say it's just NUS lecturers, but you guys should know, lecturers as general. Yeah i know, some are real good ones, but you see, there's many i have encountered during my short 2 and a 1/2 semesters, who never fail to give the impression they are super busy to either not release lecture materials, or tutorials earlier.

Keep talking about all the big bullshit about time management, work hard, work consistently, when it comes to throwing us projects/assignment with a timeline to it. So why don't you lecturers start doing you all have been preaching?

What's the big deal about releasing notes at least few days in advance, instead of uploading materials 2am in the morning when the lecture is 12pm on the same day, or maybe have the decency to realise that there are different tutorial days, and that it's not fair for those having it on Mondays, while uploading materials on Friday which need preparations. But who can blame them? They are just humans with doctorates to their names. Simply permanent head damage (PhD).

It's late now, i guess that's all. Thanks for reading. Enjoy the new song. And remember, what's taught in classes are simply a test of memory, what's not taught in classroom, are what you see in your daily life. Either you learn it and be a better man, or you are simply one who slogs hard just to see yourself behave like a jerk.

Till then.

Cause i believe

Another 4 more days to the start of a new fresh academic year, incidentally, if all goes well, my last academic year in NUS. Probably the heaviest 2 semesters coming up, in terms of workload, just hope to be able to get them completed as required, graduate, and dive into the working life, ending the 17 years of education right from Kindergarden.

Can't think of more to add, shall end here for now. Enjoy the weekends! Happy National Day in advance.

NDP '08 NE Show 1



So last Saturday, i managed to catch the NDP parade, though not the actual one, live for the first time in my past 23 years.

2 things about the parade brought me a trip back to the memory lane: the formal guard of honour parade, and the black knights performance.

Needless to say, the parade reminds me about my commissioning parade back in Dec 2006. Recalling how excited we were on the parade day itself, how we finally gonna put on our infamous "one chocolate bar". So i was telling my gal, at least for my commissioning parade, the rehearsals and long period of standing was worth it, as compared to those in the marching contingents for NDP. For they are just serving NS and probably just a little of pride to have been in part of the NDP show.

Come to think about it, i'm fortunate and glad to be selected to undergo OCS, of course minus the fact that i have extra few more years of reservist to do as an officer?

The second thing was the spectacular performance by the Black Knights; the only aerobatics flying team in Singapore. As i'm explaining to my gal about how it seems so fun watching them doing all the dangerous stunts and maneuvers, the pilot in the cockpit has to fight G-force and keep a cool head. Of course, i'm just speaking as an amateur used-to-be pilot trainee with 10 flying hours.

Looking at how they display their skills in the few stunts, i can't help think what would it be if i have passed my airgrading back in my airforce days. So i guess the best thing for me now, is to just share some of the things i do know about being a fighter pilot.

Back in the days when i was at AirForce school waiting for my trip to Australia for Airgrading, we had lessons and sharing by seniors. One of the seniors actually got back from his advance flying course as a fighter plane trainee. He blacked out during one of his solo sortie (a training flight in flying terms), and almost crashed head on.

He managed to recover about seconds from crashing and pulled some 3-4G, and safety pulled the aircraft back up. I can't recall why he suffered blackout, probably due to skipping his breakfast just before that day's sortie or badly countering the G-Force, but just hearing how he relate his personal experience was freaky enough. Not just that, i think he was removed from fighter course and put into rotatory course; helicopter pilot, after that mistake he committed.

So a blackout can happen to a pilot when he's flying upwards or making a sharp turns, and what he experience is G-force, 1G is 1 times your body weight. So when your blood from your head gets push down, you blackout and lose consciousness. What the pilot has to do is to perform counter G-force maneuvers, some kind actions whereby you flex the body muscles, especially in the abdominal muscles, to prevent the blood from all rushing to the lower half of the body.

Another kind is Redout, usually when you nose dive at a high speed. Then in this case you will suffer red vision as all the blood is rush up to your head. Similarly it will cause you to lose consciousness, and probably causing damage to your brain.

Also the term spatial disorientation, whereby a pilot loses his orientation usually during night sortie when vision is low. I have heard stories about pilot thinking that his plane is on the right side up, and pull his plane up, only to find himself crashing into the land, for that he's actually inverted, facing the land.

And also, if you guys have watched Tom Cruise's Top Gun, a scene whereby he "busted" the airport tower by flying low and near it, and powering his afterburner, causing a cool thundering sound and some shakes, some pilots in Singapore actually do dangerous low flying of the aircraft too. Especially near Sentosa and those nearby small islands. Well, no prizes for being caught, as a matter of fact, AirForce pilots in Singapore can get de-winged for bad conduct and doing stupid things.

So much about my walk back to the memory lane, i think this year's NDP wasn't that bad. Probably the Black Knights performance interest me alot. Of course the accompany makes alot of difference too.

Alright, that's all i have to share. All personal, so if anything i mentioned is inaccurate or unjustified, please do not hestitate to close this window. Lastly, big thank you. for those who are still viewing my blog. Guess my blog has to live over his 5th year. Stay tune for more updates.

Till then.

After some time..

It's been 2 months since i last posted, and since i'm still brightly awake, i guess it's time to pen down some thoughts once again. I was blog-hopping a moment ago, and i was tempted to change to a new blogskin, but.. guess i'll do that some other time. For i usually have a hard time finding a theme which suits my blogging style, and part of my character.

Once again, many thoughts before start this post and i have no idea where i'll be heading after i start typing. So just bear with me, and if you can, try relating to some of the thoughts i wrote. My memory hasn't been that great lately, so i'll just post stuff that's more current and slowly go back in time.

Just last weekends, i did a 3-day stint part time job over at Suntec Convention. Working for Hasbro at the Toys & Comic Exhibition event. If you guys were there, the Star Wars booth was the one i'm in-charge, together with Derrick.

Here are the photos i took and i guess it's better to post some photos in a post, else it's going to be super boring, especially so for my blog.

Anyways, the pay wasn't that bad, minus the long hours i had to stand, and coping with empty stomach for most of the time. Saw a couple of familar faces during the 3 days, from my men, OCS coursemate, to my OCS instructor, poly and secondary friends. Managed to exchange some words while distributing the flyers to the booth, and somehow it brought me back memories about army, poly and secondary days.

Carefree, less stress and probably more healthy physically and mentally.

With a blink of an eye, i'm left with one month more to another brand new academic year. Seriously i think studying is no longer my cup of tea yet i can't imagine myself diving into the working society with my current status. I have to question myself what do i wish to be working as and whether i can face the reality of not getting paid close to what's ideal for me.

Going on to my entertainment during the holidays, they were Mahjong, prawning, texas poker, Dota, Prison break, Discovery, and psp sessions. Quoting a tagline from 'Mythbusters' telecasting over Discovery channel, i just wanna say "I reject reality and substitute my own." to all the uncertainties for what's to come in the near future. Maybe there will be a glorified pathway for me, so let's just keep the fingers crossed.

Suddenly mind blank yet again, guess it's time to wrap up again. Before i do so, just like to post 2 questions for you guys reading this:

1. Am i constantly giving this impression that what i think or do is always right? For example the way i put across my thoughts forever seem to be overwhelming and strong, to the extend that i refuse to accept a wiser and clearer opinions from the rest or individual?

2. Who are still reading my blog? Leave your name if you wish do, cause i'm thinking of packing up my blog once again. By the way, this is post #299 for my blog which will be celebrating its 5th year birthday next month.

That's all folks. New MV for my blog. No smart guess, but you probably know what i chose to put up that song. Meaningful that is.

Till then.

Mood: Unexpected and happy

And so i got a gift to strike off my second item in my wishlist. It's from someone very unexpected, my sister. Honestly speaking when i posted the wishlist and i linked the item to the official site, i didn't even realised there's a product item id at the bottom of the image. I was wondering how come my sister managed to know which one i like. So i went to check my link and back to the official site and of cause the price tag also shocked me. A hefty $202/-!

I wanted to post up more items in my wishlist, but i guess not for now. The latest 2 addition items to my personal material collection are already good enough i guess. Hope the next one will be good CAP score for my current semester.

Thanks sis. Really appreciate it.

Start of Hell

Today marks the start of examinations for me. I'll be having 2 papers later and here i am blogging away. Somehow i just don't feel like studying anymore, not cause i've already studied alot anyway. I learnt about something once again. And.. My predictions are still on track. It's just so stupid.

Sometimes..

Sometimes when you have too many odds against you, too many things not in your favour, too many cursed spells hanging around you, too many happiness bothering you, what will you do?

Headaches

It doesn't mean anything as long as it appears to be what it wasn't supposed to be. Believe it or not.

Predictions: Confirmed

Ignorance isn't always a bliss. Anyway, it seems that i have alot of unhappiness to convey from time to time ain't it? I think i know now..

Prediction

Date: 24th April 2008
Time: 03:21am
Activity: Prediction made
Date of actual event(s): To be revealed

I used to be able to get fairly accurate about things i predicted. What a person is doing, wearing, thinking, or what is to come in the near future. 70% of my guesses were rather spot on. Maybe i do cheat a little to get my prediction as accurate as possible, but i'm pretty surprised myself that i get them right at times. So i've made a few predictions, and they are about to happen some time in the near future.

The reason why i decided to make this post is to minimally convince and prove to myself that what i'm predicting may just be true once again. Of course i'm not going to state all my predictions here clearly and concisely, for you reading this, would probably try to make it not happen. Maybe just to prove i'm wrong.

Nevertheless, i'm pretty looking forward to whether my predictions do actually come true. I would seriously hope not though; this should give some hints about the "optimistical" predictions i have. What lies ahead? Watch the space after this line.







It's been quite some time since i made some rational posts in my blog. Most of the recent posts are rather full of emotions, full of angst and full of hatred. Not to say that everything's over, but i seems to be convinced myself quite a few times lately, that i have to start looking at a half-filled glass. Though it might be once again self-denial, but i guess at the end of the day, everyone gets a better living environment, with 1 less skeptical guy lurking around.

The latest thought i have in mind lately is the issue about rewards for good achievements, may it be studies, sports, arts, effort or what-so-ever.

First and foremost, i don't belong to the group who will get monetary rewards, gifts or presents in any sort of form, for any form of achievements. Therefore when i look at those who have, simply full of envy. Worse, i don't reward myself for my efforts, neither through retail therapy nor getting myself something i wanted. Instead, i try as much as i can to fulfil the wishes of others, of course at the expense of my own. My latest phone is probably one of the better things i have for myself after my DS, which is almost an year ago.

So you lucky gals out there, who always get alot of attention or presents from your admirers, count your lucky stars.

Back to the subject, i do in fact yearn for some form of monetary rewards or presents for my achievements time to time. Or at least get a pat for my efforts. I wouldn't dare to say i have achieve alot of spectacular stuff, but i do feel that at least i have put in quite alot of effort in many ways. I guess this desire in me probably push me to do alot more for others. Especially my close one. Some of you guys probably heard me saying this time to time, given $100 on hand, i probably spent $80 on others. My wardrobe is starting to shrink in size and my shoes and slippers are giving way. Good or bad, you just have to look at which perspective of things you're more interested in. My perspective or the "others" side.

Frankly speaking, how many of you do get monetary rewards or any form of rewards, for the number of As/Distinctions you get either during "O"s, "A"s, poly and university or during any phrase of your education lifespan? I believe the ratio should be around 1:1. How about getting a personal car after you got your license? I believe every 2-3 kid out of 10?

I'm not really driving at wealthiness with this thought of mine, for it's not just a matter of where and to which family you're a son/daughter. You don't have to be rich to get rewards. How about an extra big yummy roasted duck drumstick to go along your dinner, for the below average GDP families? This is reward too.

Of course, of course, one shouldn't be too devoted in seeking for rewards or benefits in life for everything that we do. It's the learning process, it's the enjoyment we get that matters the most ain't it? If results aren't important, then why do we get graded for education, and why do sports keep scores, why is CEO highest paid and why do jobs listed set education criteria instead of moral attributes such as integrity? You probably gonna argue that moral attributes can't be judge or graded. Eat me, but i'm just gonna say, once you're breathing in this sphere of earthlings, you have to outlast simply by outshining the rest.

Last thought of the day, if things you get are what you always expected, and you don't ever put in much effort, or even try to understand how come you get them, you will never be able to treat the rest, the same way you're being treated. You may be enjoying life, but with your surrounding ones suffering in silence. Things don't come free, they come at the expense of another. You just need to be more sensitive to these.

Till then.

Sony Ericsson w960i

Finally changed a new phone after living with my crappy motorola v3i which makes me send so many redundant sms due to the 'special' function of auto-sending sms when i'm in the midst of typing it. Part of the reason why i always exceed my 500 free sms.

And so i got myself a new phone and a new contract. By the way, Starhub is offering 2000 free sms and 200 free outgoing minutes for new lines under PowerValue 100 Student plan. Personally i think it's a good deal, despite many complaints about poor and bad reception of Starhub lines. Well, if you will to look at a more economical point of view, Starhub's student plan is better in value and in case you guys are not aware, Singtel tends to overcharge your bills.

Just personal thoughts and view, so don't quote me or sue for my words. Anyway, Singtel's student plan offers you 1000 sms, but the 2nd 500 is only for Singtel to Singtel numbers. I just wonder how they actually do the count, for that my friends are having issues that they don't get the 2nd 500 free smses. Of cause, the call time is charged by per minute. On the contrary, Starhub gives 2000 sms and you don't have to worry if it's limited to Starhub-Starhub only. It's free for all. And it's per second billing. Given that the 2 student plans are the same price, you be your own judge which is more value for money. Of cause if you're very conscious about the reception, Singtel is your choice then.

Move on to my new phone, Sony Ericsson w960i. I've got a review here. After getting it for days, i think i'm pretty much used to the phone now. The touch screen isn't really that great if you have big fingers and thumb, but along the way, you will learn the proper technique to handle it. Guess the best part for me is the 8GB built-in memory and the WiFi function.

Camera wasn't that bad, but the crap part about Sony Ericsson phone is that despite it's a 3G phone that allows video calls, you can't use the front camera to take photos. Battery life isn't that great either. Probably need to do a recharge every 2 days if you are normal user with calls, sms and some usage of the functions.

Overall, i think it's 8/10. Decided to do this short review for that it's something i can strike off my wishlist! Thanks! Dedicated to you.

Till then.

Untitled 2

Surprisingly, my second post in such a short time frame. Probably just a short post, for my headache is killing me. Think i've got a tumor or something stuck up there. But the contradicting fact is that, mine's a empty vessel, so i guess it's just probably too much air trapped inside.

Anyway, the reason why i'm back to blogging this post is possibly i hope someone out there can hear my heart screaming out loud. I have so much to say, so much to grumble and so much to whine. 'Here i go, scream my lungs out, trying to get to you..'

Probably too much to say and too difficult to convey my thoughts out here. I know things aren't getting better lately, and i know i should be looking myself real hard for being the source of problems and headaches. If you're reading this, i hope you will ask me more, instead of just listening.

Before i end off, i just want to point about about the fact that lately i've been stumbling upon weird students in NUS. Either faggots or negative EQ students. Most importantly, incidents like these do make me want to detach myself as a NUS student. Maybe i'm one too.

Till then.

Untitled

Once again, back after god-knows-how many weeks. No idea how i'm going to go about with this post, for a start, i just want to comment that this coming August will be big 5 years old for this blog. Think i changed the skins for about 4-5 times throughout this period, the name of this blog remains the same, with the writer pretty much the same too, always posting nothing but sad posts. This is by-the-way post #290.

As usual some recent updates and then hopefully some wild thoughts along the way, and without realising i guess i'll just drift off what i intented to write and end abruptly. Hope this post is long enough to entertain you guys who are still faithfully looking at my blog after so long.

For starters, i just submitted one of my major project for this semester. Spent quite some time on it, of cause with some help, else i think i'll be looking at just borderline grades for it. Anyway, it's been years since i did up a programming assignment. The most unforgetable part about programming back in my polytechnic days, has to be the continuous back-to-back staying back in school computer lab, till 10pm when it closes. And i will start pretty early to ensure i get it done. Those days, the assignments were group work, and i must say it's alot easier compare to now. Now's tougher and it's individual. Of course right? If not NUS might just be NYP instead.

Anyway, back to the programming part, i think i've pretty much lost all the touch i have with it. I'm like who i was back in semester 1 of poly, where i need to spend time figuring out where's my error and what does each method does and how it work. The assignment for my current semester is on java beans, java language, but the beans are the one that makes you want to avoid eating them during proper meals.

I still have one last group project left, my financial accounting module. Kinda dreading it, for it's an essay form of project report where we have to answer 11 accounting questions with regards to Creative Technology report. Can't wait to get it off my back and dive into the most hated examinations. 3 weeks more to exams, and what i can think of to summarize this semester is simply, "Busy with everything else except schoolwork, learnt nothing except being silly."

I'm stuck with words once again. Hate to do this, but i guess i'll be ending this post soon. Been suffering from giddiness and headaches lately. Despite sleeping more last few days, it doesn't seems to get any better.

Just one last thing before i end this. I've been thinking about this lately, and probably i have already done so back in the past, and that's why does A gets alot better treatment, alot better life, alot better stuff and in many aspects, as compared to B. Take it as A is borned with a silver spoon for or A is the lucky star or what-so-ever names/titles one can think of, my point is that does it mean that B is just direct opposite or that he deserves to be like that? Maybe like what some would suggest, we need a bad guy to know what kind of guy is good guy. We need someone ugly to define pretty, we need someone rich to define the poor, we need someone stupid to define someone smart, the list just goes on and on.

And so many may also suggest that the fate of B lies entirely on his own hands. A just happen to have a better headstart but that doesn't mean B has no chance of overtaking A in all the aspects if he work hard and don't grumble like me? If you're one who thinks like this, congratulations, you belong to those kind who sees a half-filled instead of a half-empty glass of water.

Judging the way i put this, i must have belong to the more pessimistic kind. No doubt about it. Since i was young, small, naive or what-so-ever you wanna call it, i always thought that being honest, being hardworking, doing all the right things, doing all the mummy-said-so commands will at least give me a better life in future. Not entirely doing all the good things for the sake of doing, but doing all the correct right things which i can answer to not just myself but everyone. More like a peace maker?

But yeah, bet you would have easily guessed it, things didn't always turn out so nice. I have to admit i have done things in the past 22 years which are deemed as sins, crimes, or whatever you like to call it. How severe they are or how bad they are, i guess they ain't really that important. The thing i would like to question is the cause and effect of it. Does A ever not do anything bad? One can easily argue that everyone surely have done something bad or evil in a way or another.

So why am i driving at or what am i trying to prove?

Nothing much actually. I just like to question the reality of life. How we live to envy others, live to yearn for things, live with regrets and live for the sake of living. The lifespan of humans are spend searching for that unknown, may it be education, career, love, happiness, living it to the fullest, utimately i guess we are never really given a fair competition level in the process of doing so. Like it or not, life is too short for us to think too much. Yes i always do that, and for this i got no one but myself to appreciate my own thoughts. I yearn for another me, an exact clone. Good or bad, at least i can see myself better.

Till then.

What would you think of me now, so lucky, so strong, so proud?

Has been always wanting to post something here, but hasn't really got the time and clear thoughts to do so. While going back home last night, somehow the journey seems much more longer, yet the time taken was the same. And that's when the thoughts start flowing like untamed water down the waterfall.

It has always been me or perhaps my belief that, i should do what i want from others first. Though of cause there were few times i broke this thought of myself and did otherwise. Yet when it comes to something i treasure or someone i value, i tend to stick to the principle alot more. And so you must be thinking, well, what's wrong with that? I thought so too, but in reality, you have to see what the situation is. The medicine that works wonder for you, may just be poison to another.

I received a call last night, though it was pretty random, it struck me as another reminder that what i'm doing right now might just be not working. You may want to put it as i'm prescribing doses of medicine to my patient which it has be proven in the medical field that it works wonder. Yet the patient doesn't seems to recover well enough, and it appears to be draining alot of side effects to him.

I have made quite alot of mistakes in life, and those mistakes i committed, have a tendency to stay in my head for quite some time. During my service in OCS, my mentor once told me during an evaluation of my field appointment, that the worst decision is not making any decision. The worst part as a commander of a troop is to let them cross the line and spoilt them with my leniency. Though during my 9 months command as an officer, i still tend to treat my guys as friends and give them certain amount of privileges which other deemed as i'm too slack.

Guess that's the irony of life in many situations. When you want to be nice to someone, you might just fall into the trap of letting them step on your head. During my poly days, i had this analogy with a friend, and that's i'm someone who lets people step onto my head, shit on it, and i will clean it up myself and let them continue doing the same. If you guys know me well enough, maybe, perhaps, you will agree on this too.

Coming back to the main topic of this post, and relating to the title of this post, some of you probably know that it is part of the lyrics of a song. A couple years back, i managed to catch the movie, "The Butterfly Effect" and that's when i first heard the song.

For the benefit of those who haven't seen this movie featuring Ashton Kutcher, it's a sad love story whereby a guy discovers a way to travel back in time to his troubled childhood as himself at that age. His goal is to change his life by changing painful events from his childhood. He finds that a very small change from his childhood will dramatically change his life today.

He is not pleased with the results of his first trip back, so he makes another trip to change another bad event, hoping for a better life. Unfortunately, he must return to his childhood many times, because his alternate future gets worse with each trip. Especially for the gal he loved. Yet the more the tried, and explained to the gal as he head back to the past, the lousier the situation gets. He finally decides let go of her and he went back all the way to the time when they were kids and he whispered to the gal he hates her or she's ugly, something like that.

Then he burnt all the photos and stuff which has memories of her and his childhood for that he needs them to be able to go back to the past. Tagline for the movie, "Change one thing, change everything."

And so there's another movie right now, titled, "Away from her". Shall post the spoiler here for you guys to read. Probably a good watch too. "Sometimes you have to let go of what you can't live without".

I guess this sums up everything i have for this post. Nothing constructive, but maybe you guys might wanna watch these 2 films and you tell me how you feel. Bottomline, it's just so weird that sometimes the harder we try, the more pain we are inflicting to others. Not to mention the double pain to ourselves.

Till then.

The pain just doesn't get any better

Do you have the time, to listen to me whine, about nothing and everything at all once?

I'm just so bottled-necked and feeling so fucked up, but there's nothing much i can do. Everything just don't seems to go well at all. On the surface it may just be so, but deep down i know i'm just trying to force something out of nothing. I just hate my life and yes, i'm getting retribution from my crimes. Your curse is working and i can only say, yes i deserve every single piece of crap i have created upon myself. Who else can i blame?

I'm treating everyone else in the world like dirt, and i don't value those i should or ought to do so. I'm just fucking piece of shit, trying to be perfect. Guys, if you're reading this, i'm sorry for all the fucked up actions and thoughts i have, and i'm not asking for any pity, for that i just want you guys to know, try being me and tell me what would you do.

Just one last thing to add, if you deemed me as a crap, a jerk, you're right. Live with it, or just ask me to fuck off. I'm perfectly fine with it. I'm no saint and i know i suck. Thanks for reading this shit crap.



p.s.iloveyou

3 months

It's been some time since i last blog. Why i put the title as 3 months, cause i think the last 3 months was like roller coaster ride. All the ups and downs. But i guess it has finally settled down. School is starting this coming Monday, maybe its time to get back to my school bag and stop being a jerk. In case you guys aren't aware, these few days i acting like a barbarian. So word of caution, just don't step on my tail for the next few days. Shall indulge myself into living my own world. Back to the hermit days and be a loner.

Year 2008 already, and this is post number 287 since i created this blog. Been so long. I wonder how many of you have actually read through all my posts. Most of my posts especially during 2005 held alot of my emotions. Yet lately when so many things happened, i just don't feel like blogging over here.

So what probed me to come back here again? I guess i have to live my own life, get back into shape again. They always say got friends, got family to fall back to when anything happens, but for me, i fall back to myself, and found myself kneeling on the ground. Sounds emo? Not if you know what i meant.

Back to who i was in the past, back to blogging my stupid emo thoughts, back to trying to be perfect but nothing was worth it. Can someone just show me the timeline of my life? I seriously want to know when's the ending. Seems to be nearer each day.

This 3 months, was so dramatic i think i can make a film out of it. Yet the storyline remains so uncertain even now as i'm typing this, i just can't help but hope things will be better as time goes. But comon', life's no fairy tale. Even those dramas in the tv are kinda bullshit ain't it?

If you are question or wondering why i sound so pissed, fierce or anything in this post, all i can tell you is that try being me. Try going through this period of time, try doing things i did, try imagine me. Of cause i know along the way, people got hurt too. And since i'm not a Saint or anything, i can't claim all the credits. If you're one of those who suffered, i'm really sorry, and i hope time will heal all wounds.

Living is such a chore that you keep wanting to make the best out of life, yet more than often, you don't get what you wish or hope to. Simple things like eating a plate of chicken rice can be so unsatisfying for that your heart wants to eat chicken chop. Staying awake trying to think of someone when someone is already sleeping sound and tight. Given $5, one will yearn for $10 or more.

Trying so hard to prove to someone your capabilities yet you only prove yourself to be the biggest fool. Trying so hard to make things right, yet you only managed to make things even worse. Trying so hard to convince yourself you're right, yet you only managed to convince yourself you're wrong. Trying to be perfect but nothing was worth it.

January is rainy season. And i see lotsa of unhappiness everywhere. Is there really nothing to be happy about? Nothing to be happy for? I guess the only thing i want to say before i end is that, if things are meant to be, it will be. Trying to be smart again, but who really do believe in this nonsense. As humans, we tend to put things our hands and try to gain our own destiny, who will simply laid back and wait for things to happen.

Last note, if love is something that brings two together, what's the thing that separate them? Hate is not the key to this question. Try harder and you might get it too.

Till then.