Selemat Hari Raya?

What a title right? I guess for a malay-look-alike, i think it's better for me to celebrate Hari Raya. Anyway, i decided to post this before i go bed. No idea what i'll be typing here too. Probably just some craps. Stomach still quite full with the dinner i had and tongue pretty much scalded. It wasn't a bad dinner, of course it wasn't the best either.

I've finally managed to get most of the things i wish to do completed before this weekend. Considered letting some burdens off my shoulders for a moment. But i've yet to sort my own stuff. Will be flying off soon, but i have yet to get all the things i needed. And yeah, watch! I need a rubber strap digital watch for my Air Grading. As i start to weigh my options of what watch to get, i realised i'm already into the red. My vitamin M is into the deficit. I guess i'll have to see what i can do, with what i have.

Put aside that, i have yet to get myself started with my studying. Probably what my senior said was right, how well you can perform, will depend greatly on how much you want it. So i guess, i'm still quite half-hearted?

The previous batch who went on the start of January, only 1 so far managed to make the mark. 14 out of the 20 who started the course were already cut. 5 more are still over at Tamworth, persevering to make the mark with their test 2. So it's gonna be like only maximum 6 out of 20 will finish with a pass. And that works out to be just 33.3% passing rate. Of course, it's not about this passing rate, more importantly, it's pretty much an individual thing. My instructor was telling us last Friday, it's either 100% pass or 100% fail for each and everyone. Who is to say he's wrong? It's only you against yourself.

Like i told my friend, somehow the desire for me wanting to pass is growing each day. The ironic of it is that, i want to pass for others and not so much for myself. Passing for others meaning to say that i have to pass for those who make this possible. It's not easy for me in the first place to be able to secure a place to go over Tamworth. And even so, i think alot of them have quite high expectations for me. It's hard to pinpoint what i meant, but in short, somehow i just hope to pass it and come back as a happy man, because i didn't disappoint anyone and that i will be able to return all my favours.

My OC spoke to us on last Thursday, wishing us the best of luck and also shared some stories about himself as a pilot trainee back in the days. He was telling us at that point of time when he got into the Air Force at the age of 17, the only motivation that pushes him on to complete the almost 3 years course and getting the pilot wings, is the fact that he was being mocked and looked down by his classmates after they knew he was going to be a pilot trainee. Thus he was telling us to find ourselves a motivation, and this motivation should the one which will pull us through the long trainings ahead.

After he mentioned about motivations, i sort of asked myself who or what is my motivation. Sad to say, i've yet to find myself a convincing one. Probably like i mentioned earlier, i'll push on for the sake of others.

I asked a few of my coursemates if they do really want this pilot job badly, and most of them i realised, they are totally into it. In fact they applied this vocation, or should i say career, way before they got enlisted. As for myself, i'm still clueless what and why i want to do this. And because of this issue, it somehow reverts the possibility that, i might just be getting more positive nowadays. My friend was telling me i seemed to have become more positive, but yet not so much, especially with my weird thinking, with regards to taking up this pilot thingy when i don't really like it.

So much about pilot stuff yet again, let's go back to Chinese New Year. Suppose to be more positive, more happy during this period of festive season. But i guess i'm not really that looking forward to it. It's like close to 4am now, and i think i'll be waking up pretty soon to go visit a couple of relatives. Maybe i'll just end here and go bed.

Before i go, i'll wish everyone out there a happy doggie year. Stay healthy, and get more ang bos. And.. like they said, "Huat ar!".

Till then.