The fundamentals of love

Think back to the day when you first laid eyes on her.
You found yourself charmed by the way she talks, the way
she dresses herself to show off her best features and the
way she embraces life with her laughter. It seemed as if
a mysterious "chemistry effect" has suddenly developed to
draw you closer to her.

You two then began to meet regularly, and you discover
more things that you admire about her. Her clever ideas,
her healthy values and the way she stands up for you when
others doubt you. You find yourself thinking of her not
just as a normal friend, but a very good friend. It is
often during this period that a boy and a gal will start
thinking of bringing their friendship to another level.
After all, the kind of wonderful experience you have
between each other can only become even better if it
develops into a romantic relationship. In other words,
the feeling is really unique -
no one else seems able to replace her in your heart.

So both of you agree to go steady and work even harder
on the relationship. You "graduate" to become a couple,
and are the envy of the sea of singles.


When You Forget The Fundamentals


However, at some point in your relationship, you forgot
how it all began. You start to take your partner for
granted. Why can't she laugh in a more ladylike manner?
Why doesn't she dress herself more trendily? Why must she
assert her views and point out your silly mistakes? Is she
really the one for you?

To be fair to yourself and to her, take some time to reflect
on your "love memory". The "love memory" contains all the
reasons that you fell in love with her right from Day One.
It contains rarely accessed snippets of how your life has
changed since meeting and loving her.

Pre-steady days, did you heap compliments on her for the
brave way she spoke her mind on bullies and snobs? You
probably did. Did you like her unusual fashion sense that
makes her stand out from the crowd? Right-o. So why are you
criticising or finding fault with her now that she is your
girlfriend?

Because you have forgotten the fundamentals of love, like
so many of us. You have forgotten the reasons you admired
her during the friendship phase. Instead, once you went
steady, you put your "love memory" in cold storage. As her
boyfriend, you take up a new set of demands and expectations
about her. These new ideas are not necessarily better; they
could put your relationship at risk.


The Secret Of Strong Relationships


A healthy relationship, like learning to walk properly, follows
a step-by-step development. You can't possibly become part of a
couple if you aren't friends in the first place. Ok, I know
some of us break the rule and plunge straight into whirlwind
courtship, but how many of those couples can go the distance?
Couplehood works well when there is something you like about her
(and vice versa), and I'm not referring to merely the physical
aspects. So whenever your relationship hits a rocky path, don't
give up without checking on your "love memory". Rediscover the
reasons why you fell in love with her, and watch your relationship
flourish with a newfound vigour.

"Follow the rule of love and enjoy it, as loving someone is a
wonderful and sweet experience."