The Holiday








Once again, the title speaks for itself. Just got back from a late midnight show: The Holiday. It's quite an interesting show i would say. And if you ask me why, i think the reason why i'm blogging at this hour should tell you more than what i'm gonna say. Nonetheless, if you have intention to catch a movie or so around this period of time, you might just wanna consider it. No commission or whatsoever, just my 2 cents worth of opinion. Somehow despite the not-so-bad box office sales for Death Note, my peers were not keen on Death Note 2. That leaves you some food for thoughts.

Anyway, after keeping myself at home and procrastinating to head out, partly due to the teary clouds lately and the lack of activity friends, i finally spare myself from staring at either my console games or the widescreen monitor. And especially so since my CSI Las Vegas season 4 and 5 just arrived last night, and that could means more home-staying and be glued to them for hours.

So apparently this secondary school buddy of mine seems to be some sort of disarray with his relationship, has been asking me out for drinking lately. Couldn't really get much out of the horse mouth regarding his problems though, but it's apparent that he want accompany for this period of time. Well, like it or not, it's my duty call again. Someone should just remain me again that it's because of the fact that they find me as someone trustworthy, nice to hang out with, good listener, blah blah, blah, which explains why i'm often seek upon whenever they're on the downhill. Give me a break.

Drink we didn't, but we managed to pull out 2 more buddies and their partners down for a show instead. And also, this buddy of mine managed to get hold of another gal, also from our secondary days to come along. Now that leaves me thinking why my service was rendered in the first place. 3 pairs + me. That's just so making up the numbers ain't it? I'm starting to dislike the idea that i'm the odd one out when there's a group outing. More than often i am staring at my own shadow. But of course like i said earlier, it's a good thing i do step out and breathe some fresh air.

So the evening started with my buddy asking me a question before the rest of them meets us up later at the night. The question which sets me to do some real counting; How long have i been single? So after some quick calculation, it adds up to almost 32 months. You do the maths and tell me that's how many years. The funny thing was that just a few days back, my ex happened to sms me and somehow we touched on the issue that my buddies are now all busy with their commitments, so she was telling me to get myself a gf too. Well, i don't think i need to dwell into that, my reply to that sort of question is usually a, "Find me one then!?"

Not a bad thing to be single though, at least i'm spared the informal yet awkward introduction of spouses to one another. All i did when the 7 of us finally met up, was to stare and can't help giggled at the awkward situation whereby my buddy has to break the ice and do the introduction across the board. And also, i'm spared having to ask another person what to have or what she wants, when we had a short stopover at Starbucks before the movie. But i'm also sure that i don't have to go through all the bad things about being single, cause that sucks.

Anyway, back to the 130+ minutes movie, the show portrayed quite a few learning for me to take away. Though of cause the movie ended with the traditional, "The Princess live happily ever after with the Prince", the show did set me up into some thoughts. I can't stop thinking even for a sec don't i?

I can't remember every single word in the show itself, but there's a part where Kate Winslet(Iris) was sharing with Jack Black(Miles) about her past with Rufus Sewell(Jasper), on how she stood for him despite the very fact that she knew he never truly like her or anything, but because she tries to have this false thinking that he IS the guy for her, he's something unbelievable that has ever happened to her and despite knowing that it's one sided, whenever Rufus Sewell(Jasper) did something small for her, she would forget about everything that he had let her down before and continue to have the hope that he do cares deeply for her.

This is just what has been happening to me for the past many months. Having the false impression that by being there for someone i already knew it's never going to happen, i would slowly make her see that i'm the right one and to live with the slightest of hope that she do have some feeling for me whenever she did something nice for me. The reality is that, it's never the case. Unless i let it go and move on, it's never going to work out and the worse that could ever happen just like in the movie itself, to be the last to know that she's going to be married. And even that's the case, she still turn to you for help because she knew you're going to be there for her no matter what. One hand telling you how indispensable you are to her, how sweet and nice you are, yet the other hand enjoying her time with her fiance.

Things just don't work that way shouldn't it?

I guess i shouldn't do a spoiler here, to go on even further and spill all the beans out, so i'm gonna leave you to watch the show yourself.

Overall the movie did make me feel that i shouldn't play doormat all the time. More than often i knew that i'm pretty much being made use of to a certain extend, i'm just trying to kid myself and give excuses telling myself that they don't mean that way, and that i shouldn't be so narrow minded, only to harbour thoughts that i should get some returns for what i've done for them. But c'mon, you tell me, when you guys are out there enjoying with your love ones, and not in need of my help, have i ever cross your mind? Even for a second?

Maybe you did, maybe you don't. But the very fact is that i'm not the one you're with when you're enjoying. The only one i was, or tried hard playing to be, was the one who spent long nights entertaining you, helping with your work whenever you need to, making those silly jokes just to bring you a smile when the guy who made you sad is just sitting away, going through the entire net just to find your favourite this and that, hunting and doing all the illegal downloads for you cause you asked if i have this particular song or such, doing what you like hoping to find a reason to relate to you better, putting on a hat too big to even see what's in front of me just to make myself look smart to you, spending a fortune and effort making you all the special presents for your birthday, and the list just goes on and on.

So do you think these were just part and parcel of me being nice? Nice is a simple 4 letter word which requires zillions of effort, time and money. Like it or not, no matter how we shouldn't be that calculative with all these, it's a fact.

Harsh or critical i may sound, maybe just like the movie itself, i needa find another new environment, away from these and start all over again. And like i said to my close buddies, the day i think i'll be carefree, will be the day when i have my backpack on, and a SLR on hand.

When would that day be, you tell me.