Sooner or later, everybody gets replaced

Something to think about ain't it? Like it or not, life's like that. Take a look at yours and you will understand what that statement means. Before i continue, i have a passage to share:

"I watched the proverbial sunrise coming up over the pacific and you might think i'm losing my mind. But i will shy away from the specifics, cause i don't want you to know where i am. Cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been and this is no place to try to live my life.

Stop right there, that's exactly where i lost it. See that line? Well, i never should have crossed it. Stop right there! Well, i never should've said that. It's the very moment that i wish that i could take back.

I'm sorry for the person i became. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure i never become that way again. Cause who i am hates who i've been!

I talked to absolutely no one, couldn’t keep to myself enough. And the things bottled inside had finally begun to create so much pressure that i'd soon blow up! I heard the reverberating footsteps, syncing up to the beating of my heart and i was positive that unless i got myself together i would watch me fall apart.

Who i am will take the second chance you gave me. Who i am hates who i've been, cause who i've been, only ever made me!"

Kinda sums up everything. So don't have to ask about me anymore.

And so i finally got out off my iron gate this evening. It's the first time i stepped out after meeting up Sam few days back since last Friday. And before i know it, it's Saturday now. Is that how you label someone as hermit? You tell me.

So i'm out this evening to the hypermart, Fairprice Xtra, over at the Basement 2 of the AMK Complex. Huge is probably the only word i can think off. It's basically somewhat like Suntec's Carrefour, maybe abit smaller cause it's only one level. Anyway, i'm not auntie enough to linger long, what's more the crowds are forbidding me to explore much either.

The only constructive thing i have done for the whole of last week probably goes to helping my friend to get a blog done up, which is going to be a portal to sell some earrings, necklaces and such. Maybe you might see me doing some promotion for her in my blog, hopefully soon after she got her products all made, and i'm sure you know how girls can so 'efficient' when it comes to getting things done.

And after getting in touch with some stuff to do, i'm tempted to do some DIY bike models yet again. Haven't done one since February but it's partly due to the fact that there isn't any new models out in the stores. I was telling my friend about maybe i could collaborate with her and post some bike models to sell on the blog as well. My call was that some guys do like motorbikes and maybe ladies out there can get one for their boyfriends or male friends as birthday presents or something. Personalised it to something unique to the guy. Afterall the market for ladies is probably more dependable, since they spend like water running off the tap.

When i did my first bike model about 3 years ago, i had the idea of making 1 every time i get my payslip. But then my payslip since then wasn't that frequent and of cause it's not that cheap to do that all the time. Not to mention the time spend for each model can be up to 7 hours. So maybe when i do have more time and money all saved up, i could continue my idea again. I picture that as my retirement hobby, something to train and keep my eyesight perfect too.

University results are out, not sure if it's all universities across the island, but definitely NUS, and so far i heard about 4 friends' result, good news, all passed. Then again, all passed means happy? Or maybe they wanted more? I guess good is never good enough. Bet you yourself had the feeling after you received results from your previous exams or tests. Though of cause you do get relieved passing your most worried modules or sometimes bonusly delighted scoring distinction for modules you would be happy just to get an A.

So my friend was then telling me how he envied those female at his age, who has already graduated from universities and are into the working force. And this i can tell you, those who have been in army long enough would probably have the same thought of going back to school as soon as possible. Of cause, the grass is always greener over the fence, those ladies who are already in the working society, would probably look at us in green enjoying lives, getting overseas trainings, having long 18 days leave like me, blah blah blah, you fill in the blanks.

One last thought before i wrap up.

As i'm typing this post, i'm just thinking why do i want to have a blog. And apparently as i run through my head with my friends who have blogs, and the contents of their posts, somehow it's not difficult to notice that those who blog are having some unhappiness about their lives. Maybe not for some SPG, who i don't know writes for attention or simply get high with super high traffic and page views for their blogs.

But for my friends' blogs which i do take a look regularly, i realised they are not those who are happy with their lives. Well, you can be arguing with me that no one is always happy and such, but i'm sure those who blog understood me. I see my friends who doesn't blog, they seemed to be those who are really busy with their lives, probably enjoying and utilising every minute of it.

Anyway how often you see someone's blog with 10 out 10 posts all about how his/her fun or positive experiences? Ok, maybe perfect 10 is too much to call for, how about 7 out of 10? I would dare to say that most bloggers on average 7 of 10 posts are sad experiences instead. Maybe blog is a source to express one's sorrow? At least you don't get chilled back for what you are thinking are nonsensical or that you should get a life, move on, instead of whining. Apparently it's not hard to see that my blog has been and will always be the case.

To both who think blogging are waste of time, or those who blogs, refer to the title of this post again. Eventually it will be gone, so just do what you want, your way, your style. There's never a right or wrong. Till then.

Happy Boxing Day

Yeah right, how happy can it be? So as i was sharing with my occasional prata buddy(Sam) about the big philosophies yet again few hours ago, i started telling him how interesting this Christmas weekend was to me. Let me just roughly list them here, just note that they not in order of sequence of which the events happened, but i'll try to make them run in order for easy reading purposes.

SMS-ed my close OCS buddy(U-Jin) and bid him bon voyage for his holiday trip to Manchester. The only request i had for him after his kind thought of wanting to get me something, was to bring Torres to Old Trafford next year. For those football fans out there, i'm sure you know what i meant. Though he also promised me that he would bring Eric Cantona's statue back for me as well, i'm sure my request will be entertained by him. We shall see.

Got some calls and SMS-es from this egoistic, lives in her own world gal(Sharin), and i'm not being rude here, for that she proudly admits to them and has intentions of bringing this strong character of hers down to her grave. Strange like the person itself, the conversation came from a peculiar place; funeral. And so the question was posted to me asking about my experience with funeral, and yeah i know have some to share.

In fact i have attended 5-8 funerals so far, not really a good number to be proud of though and i was pretty young back then. 4 of which were my grandparents, 1 my cousin, 1 or 2 more for my relatives. All of these which i have attended were not just the mere visiting on certain days but staying over for days. I still recalled my grandparents' funeral were the most memorable ones. All for the wrong reasons.

Like how i dozed off trying to keep awake sitting on a stone chair, and the next thing i knew was that i'm already lying just inches away from the wooden box. Chinese apparently has the believe that young kids should sleep near the deceased. For that we will be protected or some sort, but i wasn't that freaked out when i woke up. Not forgetting the cold pale white faces i saw through the small glass-window opening before the casket was nailed shut. And also the sad but unforgettable images of the casket being pushed into the flames, though as a young kid i was supposed to be back-facing it when it's being cremated.

So ask me how i feel about funerals, i'm pretty numbed by it now, but nonetheless, it does make me appreciate life. My cousin's funeral was one not to be forgotten. Young NUS undergraduate killed in a car crash. The images of her in stitches after they tried to put her back from pieces and into shape for the funeral, still vividly lingers at the back of my head. Imagine lying there with all the injuries, i bet it hurt triple more than what you feel when you sees it.

So now you must be thinking whether all these caused me bad childhood memories. And maybe explains why i'm so fucked-up now. You tell me.

Spend the day writing some greeting testimonials for my peers in friendster and sent some Hallmark E-cards out. Like i mentioned previously, small deeds and actions which goes a long way. Whether it's meaningful or not, just give me some credits for spending time on it. Nonetheless, the effort is immeasurable.

SMS greetings from my peers wishing me a merry x'mas which never really turned out to be one, start coming towards the fairy midnight. It's nice to get one or two well wishes especially those i haven't been in contact for ages. Thanks once again.

MSN messages and call from my so-called gay buddy cum neighbour across the street cum ex-guildmaster, cum ex-schoolmate(Kenneth), so i guess it didn't take you long to find out why i'm still single don't you now? He got back from his x'mas celebration and was having bad tummy aches. Probably around 3am or so, when he left me a MSN message telling me he's heading to hospital. 8am or so in the morning, he dragged me out of my dreams to tell me that he's in SGH and will probably remain under observations and hospitalize for few more days, apparently over some virus infection.

SMS-es from a gal whom i once gamed with for many late nights(Esther), came asking me about Kenneth's condition. He finally got back to her around 8pm. The rest i would say is history.

Finished my CSI Las Vegas season 4 and 5, particularly pissed with the fact that most season 4 discs were faulty and jumped or hanged while trying to watch them. Nonetheless, the last 2 episodes of season 5 did make me emotional enough to feel worthwhile getting all the CSI series. When following evidence like a good CSI do, almost leads you to a live burial in a glass casket. Scenes which were touching enough to make you tear and you can bet on that, even if you're not a big follower of CSI.

Hosted a game of Dota for my buddies(Eugene, Sam, Derrick, Soontat) and spent almost 90 minutes on it. Never really like the idea of playing Dota, but i did it for the sake of everyone and knowing that it would take up quite some time away when i'm into the game, it was a good deal after all.

Spending more than a hour here typing this post, trying to get all my thoughts out here at 4:35am.

So as i wrap this post up, some of you might be wondering why i mentioned names. Not sure how many had the thought about whether my post sometimes are referring to them and such, thus i guess its better i try to list the names down whenever i could. If you're strong objections about your name being written or your speech being quoted out here, feel free to shut me up by leaving your name and your request in my tagboard. And you can be sure that your name will never appear again.

Now that you have gone through roughly what the great things i did for this lovely weekend, tell me that i should be expecting an even greater boxing day today.

As i'm typing this post out, i'm getting unsure about myself. I felt like i'm not really typing what i'm thinking. And all these thoughts somehow seemed so gloomy and sadistic. Call it dry-humour maybe, but it's just pure rubbish at times. Flattered by a comment from my pal (Maddie) in Australia, that i wrote well, with a stroke of genius for that what i wrote makes the reader forgets what i'm trying to get across at the end of it. Even repeated reading of my posts just only makes you feel sad. Period.

I wonder if that's what you call excellent writing, write to confuse and confuse to convince. Well, that's all i have. Whether it makes any sense to you or not, probably more junks will be coming out if i continue any further. Till then.

Happy 2007 in advance.

The Holiday








Once again, the title speaks for itself. Just got back from a late midnight show: The Holiday. It's quite an interesting show i would say. And if you ask me why, i think the reason why i'm blogging at this hour should tell you more than what i'm gonna say. Nonetheless, if you have intention to catch a movie or so around this period of time, you might just wanna consider it. No commission or whatsoever, just my 2 cents worth of opinion. Somehow despite the not-so-bad box office sales for Death Note, my peers were not keen on Death Note 2. That leaves you some food for thoughts.

Anyway, after keeping myself at home and procrastinating to head out, partly due to the teary clouds lately and the lack of activity friends, i finally spare myself from staring at either my console games or the widescreen monitor. And especially so since my CSI Las Vegas season 4 and 5 just arrived last night, and that could means more home-staying and be glued to them for hours.

So apparently this secondary school buddy of mine seems to be some sort of disarray with his relationship, has been asking me out for drinking lately. Couldn't really get much out of the horse mouth regarding his problems though, but it's apparent that he want accompany for this period of time. Well, like it or not, it's my duty call again. Someone should just remain me again that it's because of the fact that they find me as someone trustworthy, nice to hang out with, good listener, blah blah, blah, which explains why i'm often seek upon whenever they're on the downhill. Give me a break.

Drink we didn't, but we managed to pull out 2 more buddies and their partners down for a show instead. And also, this buddy of mine managed to get hold of another gal, also from our secondary days to come along. Now that leaves me thinking why my service was rendered in the first place. 3 pairs + me. That's just so making up the numbers ain't it? I'm starting to dislike the idea that i'm the odd one out when there's a group outing. More than often i am staring at my own shadow. But of course like i said earlier, it's a good thing i do step out and breathe some fresh air.

So the evening started with my buddy asking me a question before the rest of them meets us up later at the night. The question which sets me to do some real counting; How long have i been single? So after some quick calculation, it adds up to almost 32 months. You do the maths and tell me that's how many years. The funny thing was that just a few days back, my ex happened to sms me and somehow we touched on the issue that my buddies are now all busy with their commitments, so she was telling me to get myself a gf too. Well, i don't think i need to dwell into that, my reply to that sort of question is usually a, "Find me one then!?"

Not a bad thing to be single though, at least i'm spared the informal yet awkward introduction of spouses to one another. All i did when the 7 of us finally met up, was to stare and can't help giggled at the awkward situation whereby my buddy has to break the ice and do the introduction across the board. And also, i'm spared having to ask another person what to have or what she wants, when we had a short stopover at Starbucks before the movie. But i'm also sure that i don't have to go through all the bad things about being single, cause that sucks.

Anyway, back to the 130+ minutes movie, the show portrayed quite a few learning for me to take away. Though of cause the movie ended with the traditional, "The Princess live happily ever after with the Prince", the show did set me up into some thoughts. I can't stop thinking even for a sec don't i?

I can't remember every single word in the show itself, but there's a part where Kate Winslet(Iris) was sharing with Jack Black(Miles) about her past with Rufus Sewell(Jasper), on how she stood for him despite the very fact that she knew he never truly like her or anything, but because she tries to have this false thinking that he IS the guy for her, he's something unbelievable that has ever happened to her and despite knowing that it's one sided, whenever Rufus Sewell(Jasper) did something small for her, she would forget about everything that he had let her down before and continue to have the hope that he do cares deeply for her.

This is just what has been happening to me for the past many months. Having the false impression that by being there for someone i already knew it's never going to happen, i would slowly make her see that i'm the right one and to live with the slightest of hope that she do have some feeling for me whenever she did something nice for me. The reality is that, it's never the case. Unless i let it go and move on, it's never going to work out and the worse that could ever happen just like in the movie itself, to be the last to know that she's going to be married. And even that's the case, she still turn to you for help because she knew you're going to be there for her no matter what. One hand telling you how indispensable you are to her, how sweet and nice you are, yet the other hand enjoying her time with her fiance.

Things just don't work that way shouldn't it?

I guess i shouldn't do a spoiler here, to go on even further and spill all the beans out, so i'm gonna leave you to watch the show yourself.

Overall the movie did make me feel that i shouldn't play doormat all the time. More than often i knew that i'm pretty much being made use of to a certain extend, i'm just trying to kid myself and give excuses telling myself that they don't mean that way, and that i shouldn't be so narrow minded, only to harbour thoughts that i should get some returns for what i've done for them. But c'mon, you tell me, when you guys are out there enjoying with your love ones, and not in need of my help, have i ever cross your mind? Even for a second?

Maybe you did, maybe you don't. But the very fact is that i'm not the one you're with when you're enjoying. The only one i was, or tried hard playing to be, was the one who spent long nights entertaining you, helping with your work whenever you need to, making those silly jokes just to bring you a smile when the guy who made you sad is just sitting away, going through the entire net just to find your favourite this and that, hunting and doing all the illegal downloads for you cause you asked if i have this particular song or such, doing what you like hoping to find a reason to relate to you better, putting on a hat too big to even see what's in front of me just to make myself look smart to you, spending a fortune and effort making you all the special presents for your birthday, and the list just goes on and on.

So do you think these were just part and parcel of me being nice? Nice is a simple 4 letter word which requires zillions of effort, time and money. Like it or not, no matter how we shouldn't be that calculative with all these, it's a fact.

Harsh or critical i may sound, maybe just like the movie itself, i needa find another new environment, away from these and start all over again. And like i said to my close buddies, the day i think i'll be carefree, will be the day when i have my backpack on, and a SLR on hand.

When would that day be, you tell me.

December

Today marks the start of 16 uninterrupted days of leave for me, after almost 450 days serving the nation. Managed to complete a 4-day OMer course today and that concluded my days in Stagmont Camp. I was expecting to end my army life over there, but somehow like i mentioned earlier, my posting changed and Jurong Camp shall be my second home for the next 9 months. As much as i don't wish to change and blend in to another new environment, there's always an end to a banquet and life goes on.

December has somewhat always been an emotional month for me during the past few years. Not that i'll get overly emotional-engrossed with stuff, just that it has always been a month where it brings me quite a lot of memories. So with the free time i had in hand, i started going through stuff on my laptop and all the scenes just start playing like a old film on the movie screen.

Have you ever experience flashbacks at times when you go to a particular place at some corner of the island or when you stumbled upon a friend whom you have not met for age? I bet everyone does and i'm sure you will spend the next couple of minutes recalling the past, whether it's about a person or a place that meant so much to you.

Maybe if you're slightly blur by nature; you would have the luxury of escaping these wandering thoughts every now and then. Don't get me wrong on this though, for this can be a good thing after all. But somehow for my case, this stuff just keeps coming back to me.

Just last Friday evening, memories and conversations start floating up the bubbles in the air, after meeting up with a couple of friends at this particular cafe. The place was particularly special probably it was meant something for someone. So much for having a pair of elephant brains, the mega memory i had never fails me and so those words and actions remained deeply rooted.

Later in the night, a guy caught the corner of my eye. A familiar build and face yet with a not-so-familiar outfit. A guy whom i known to be happy-go-lucky, a party animal, go to work in shabby look, became a well-groomed male with shirt and pants. He's none other than my Supervisor back in my Levi's days. Been almost 16 months since i left Levi's, and so has he after some months later. I wasn't able to react fast enough to approach him, but i wonder how he's doing now, and of cause i would love to poke fun at him for his smarter outfit.

Despite the very fact that during my work stint with him, he never fails to share with me his flings, his way of partying lifestyle, educating me how to be a bastard whom takes advantage of every situation presented and the endless probes into personal issues, he's also the one who showed me the rope to customer service and handling demanding situations at times. No doubt a player by night, he can be a real worker by day. Hope he's doing ever so great now too.

I was sharing with a Levi's friend of mine who's still currently a part timer, how things have changed. The service you get when you patronize Levi's is no longer the same. I still recalled the good old days of Levi's, when i was chilled during my first week of work for spotting long hair, not forgetting my painted nails which got me quite some stares by the customers as i'm packing up their purchase. Take a good hard look at the service crew in Levi's now, and you tell me how their outlook is now, and also where's the "Welcome to Levi's!"? Good or bad, you be the judge.

On Saturday evening, i had dinner with my family over at Clarke Quay. First and foremost, things have changed tremendously over there. CQ, short note for Clarke Quay has been a meaningful place to me. I spent almost 3 years of my weekends and holidays during my poly life working there, as a waiter for Thanying Thai Restaurant. Don't go around hunting for the restaurant now though, for it has been long gone before the major revamp.

I was sitting across the river, looking over the row of restaurants just last year June on my birthday and a year and a half has passed since then. The faint screams from the G-Max still lingers over the night, and the crowd has picked up since then. Coming fresh out of secondary school, the job as a waiter was quite something for me. It started off working with another 3 buddies, and ended up with just me before the restaurant closed down. I must say i've learnt a lot from F&B service and i'm glad that what my managers and captains demanded from us last time was good take away as to what real service is all about.

And what i meant with that is that, no matter where i go for dining now, the service is never close to what i was taught and practiced back then when i was a waiter myself. I can never forget what they used to tell us that, the place we're working and where the customers had their dinner is known as fine-dining.

Every details were to be observed and that includes making sure the dishes are served hot and straight from the woks, knowing when to serve the steamed rice at the right moment just before the main courses start arriving, napkins are folded back nicely on the table when the guest leaves for washroom, plates to be cleared away the moment it's empty, topping up ice water when it's less than a 3/4 filled at all times, hot towels to be served immediately once the customers are done, and lastly present their bills fast and accurately whenever it's called upon.

Now, how often do you get this kind of service now?

All and all, i know it's not about comparing the past to the present, not to even mention expect the future to be somewhat similar to the current state, but i'm glad i was brought up the way things should be and perhaps ought to be. And to date, i still feel that Thanying offers the best authentic Thai food.

Lately, i have been seeing quite some not-so-pleasant sight of humans. Like how critical and particular we will be when it come to monetary affairs, how fake we can be trying to walk past someone pretending to see through things, how sarcastic we can be trying to tease and make fun of on one another, how pretentious we can be when facing someone we don't like, and the list just goes on and on.

And when i mentioned all these, i'm not playing Saint to say that i'm never guilty of it. I bleed when cut, and i'm sure i have my shortcomings too. But when you pause and think about it, it's kinda freaky ain't it? Because everyone does it to a certain extend, somewhat and somehow, it goes on like part and parcel of life. So as Christmas bells start ringing round the corners, maybe it's a good time to give just a little bit more to others. How and what to do for that, it all depends on each individuals. Just remember to be "less-Singaporean" when doing all the mad rush for Christmas gifts, to show perhaps just a little bit more courteous side of us and i'm sure it would make December a even better festive month to celebrate upon.

Last but not least, to those reading this, take a moment or two and start reminiscing your past, the places of sentimental meanings to you, and thanking the people around you. Because for you never know when's the next time you see them again, or if the place still exists anymore.

So long and good night.

So sick and tired of all the needless needing

Just random before i concussed and start rattling like my previous post, with no real meaning towards the end of it.

The past 3 days were rather funny and odd. I don't know how to go about describing it, maybe it's due to the rank i'm wearing, maybe it's due to the stress i'm facing recently, maybe it's due to the fact that my posting changed last minute, or just maybe i'm real sick and tired of all the needless needing.

Taking public transport for the past mornings seemed to add another perspective of life for me. Donning my no. 4, boarding the almost empty train and looking over the black bar over my shoulders, i asked myself why didn't i choose to take public transport during my cadet days. The only rationale i could justify the needless spending on cab fares, was that i just wanted to get home real fast and don't wish to be caught in a can of sardines.

You gain something and you will lose something. How true can it get. Still keeping the bad old habit of not sleeping in public transport, which seems hard to die, my thoughts start to run free and wild again. A mini debate started off inside me. As i reflected and pondered about the facts of life, i start to see myself smaller. For once i'm starting to realise why and how things happened in a certain way. Like it or not, it often happens in a vicious circle.

So much for all the things i dreaded happening to me, i'm making them occurring on others. So much for preaching stuff to others, i'm opposing them myself. So much for not wanting to make my life so monotone, i'm encouraging myself to it. So much so for trying to be more optimistic, day in day out, i'm turning to the dark side.

I don't know how long or far i would go, before i finally succumb and lose all the things that i've been trying to hold dear to.

So why do we tend to hold on to something so dearly and maybe die for it? So why are we are split up to different role-players, each there to outwit, outlast and outkill one another? And so why do we seek physical and mental desires every now and then?

Maybe it would take a rocket scientist to come out with some formulas to explain why. Answers i have not. Nonetheless, i just wonder since we all come down to this earth with our birthday suit, and leave literally the same, why is there a need to seek for all the intangible stuff. In the process we are destroying mankind, destroying nature, wasting resources and wasting time away.

Living life to the fullest was the closest i could get.

For that i suppose to love, to live and to enjoy took majority of our time. So if you don't for any of that, you're wasted. No one will be there to pinpoint or arrow you for not doing the correct way, nor will there be anyone to guide you through your life journey. Yet often we are running towards the white light, which we all have pinned our hopes on, hoping it will eventually leads us to the glory of life.

Take some time off, sit down and start looking around you. Things have changed. But how much of it have you noticed. Ever notice the increasing strands of white hairs, on your parents? Ever wonder for every mad rush across the road, someone else is praying for your safety? Ever wonder for every happy moments you had with your love one, it's building upon someone else's sorrows? Ever cross your mind for every help you asked for, you're depriving someone's time and effort? Ever notice that you have already gone through 3,500 characters, by the end of this sentence?

Details in life is often missed out cause it doesn't pose concerns or benefits to us. Of cause i'm sure many out there can't wait to oppose my thinking for being too critical. As a matter of fact, everyone does it. Else one wouldn't have been thinking and talking to oneself silently during baths, during the usual walk down to the train or bus stations, and even during the time we empty our intestines.

To keep this sweet and short, i guess i'll end of here. Food for thought maybe. Till then.

"You're just another star that's burnt out too quickly."

What lies beneath

First day reporting to camp as a young 2nd Lieutenant, and i ended up with quite some emotions for me to make this effort to blog here. The day started off with quite an unexpected twist. As i was walking to my camp, cutting across car parks after alighting from a bus, i was approached by a lady. She seems to like a nurse or some sort coming from a home service ambulance. She asked for my help to push-start the ambulance. I was pretty stunned by the approach partly due to the loud voice she had, but i didn't reject to offer some of my almost worn-out muscles to get the job done.

I was thinking that's gonna be the good start for me, or at least for the day. But apparently that's the end of the bed of roses, after the good deed was over.

Got to camp only to see the usual rowdy platoon of 2nd Lieutenants crowding outside the room which we were expecting the orientation for newly commissioned officers to be held in. Pretty much used to the never-ending small talks among them, maybe it's just JC culture, the thing that irritates me most was their bearings. Everyone now dons the black bar on their shoulders, yet the uniform they put on was much worse than recruits.

Not that i'm someone who likes things to be overly neat and tidy, but i always feel that as a role model for many, like it or not, officers are being judged by many, we should present ourselves with a better image whenever possible. That's why i always put in effort getting my smart 4 ironed, even if that means sacrificing some time away.

The overkill then shifted to the boring and dry lectures we had, to educate us more about our job scope and expected duties as officers. Sitting through the long and dry talks especially early in the morning can be quite a demanding task.

Then the next irritating issue i felt was one of my fellow course mate, also now a young second lieutenant, was crying out loud that why are we always demanded to pay for events/dinners pertaining to military concerns, even though we just don't feel like going. And young Mr. Lee once again made his voice heard again by agreeing on the fact that why for example commissioning ball, we has newly commissioned officers has to fork out money to pay for the instructor. He was particularly referring to the Armour officers who have to pay almost $450 for their commissioning ball.

As much as we don't like to be called upon to get things done not the way we wanted, sometimes we just have to get it done, no matter what. Perhaps what the 2 of them failed to see that the higher authorities can also be in dilemma. Just try putting yourself in their shoes and i deemed anyone who agrees that it's hard to satisfy everyone.

Lastly, my posting was changed to 3 Sig Battalion. I was pretty upset about it, reason being that i didn't go through specialization under 3 Sig Bn, thus it might just be a little hard for me to absorb. I was pretty excited looking forward to working in 8 Sig Bn. But now it seems like i have to go through another 1 month of trainee life when the induction program starts in 3 Sig Bn on 3rd Jan.

Finally the one which literally silence everything was seeing how my friends were all leading a much better life. All getting attached here and there and they all look blissful. Good things don't last. Sometimes what hits you hardest is what you thought it's aways there. And as for my commissioning ball, i seriously hope there isn't any now. It's just too stupid and meaningless for me.

I still have many thoughts, but i'm too tired. That's all i have. Till then.