Tired

After 7 weeks in OCS, i'm getting real sick and tired. Tired of trainings, tired of the unreasonable demands, tired of responsibilities, tired of going through motions, tired of not having enough rest, tired of running, tired of 20+hrs book out, tired of literally everything.

Despite only 4 days in camp, it seems alot longer than the usual 6-day week. 3 SOCs everyday from Tuesdays to Thursday, IPPT on Wednesday, 2.4km SBO morning PT on Thursday, 30 minutes of 4 storey staircase run on Friday, late night sleep for most days, are taking a toll out of me. Not that i'm totally worn out, but its making feel sick of being an Officer Cadet. I understand the nature and reasons of all these, but i questioned my mental and physical strength.

I'm still short of my 2.4km timing, and i have retake IPPT every week until i achieve gold. Managed to clear my SOC with 9:24 on Thursday, but it's only a Trial Test, which means that i've to clear it again under 9:29 for this coming Wednesday actual SOC Test.

Live Firing on tomorrow and Monday and this means early book in today at 2000hrs. Mind you, i booked out and got home at 2200hrs last night. Signal theory test this coming Tuesday and one wouldn't want to flunk it, especially with confinements already being leashed out to those who failed their GPMG theory test just before book out yesterday evening.

With so many undesirable things to expect, one questions the need of becoming a SAF Officer. I'm only halfway through my Service term, and the remaining 7 weeks shall be the test for me. If i'm already complaining right now, my next 31 weeks will definitely be a misery to me. 9th of December seems to be light years away. And even if it would to come soon, it marks the start of Officership, and heavy responsibilities. Are you for it?

Just as i was hitching a ride home from a friend's dad last night, we passed by an accident scene. The picture of a body covered over by a plastic sheet and a badly smashed motorbike beside it, still lingered around my memory. It's another fatal bike accident. Any takers for bike lessons with me?

A friend of mine asked me if i do miss home when i'm back in camp. Deep inside, i believe whenever i'm in camp, i do yearn to be back home. But.. Do i miss my family or it's just a case of going back home, so that i get more sleep, and zero trainings? My mum made a remark last night, i suppose unintentionally, saying that why i come back home since i'll be booking in back again in less than a day.

Despite not really paying much attention to my mum when my eyes are glued on to my laptop, somehow that line went deep into my ears. I understood what she meant, yet i felt something about it. Maybe i should have just volunteered for duties and stay in camp instead? Even more so now, especially after i pissed someone off last night.

"If anything can go wrong, it will." How true does it get?

Nevertheless, life still goes on.

Lately, i noticed my friends around me seemed to having their own set of unhappiness or worries. May isn't a good month? Or somehow i magnified it due to the fact that i'm sick and tired of army and coincidentally my friends shared with me their problems around this period of time.

With my close to pronounce dead-brain i have at the moment, i'm not really able to provide any good solid advice if you guys do happened to be sharing some thoughts with me. And like i mentioned donkey years ago, advice is worthless, what matters most is what you perceive and what you desire.

So to my friends out there, regardless of what problems, anxieties or worries you might have, try not to stay at it for too long. Always fall back to what you wanted or desire initially, what may seems far off from what you expected, may just be a deceiving mist from your actual goal. What may hurts you most, may just be what helps you the most.

At the end of the day, i bet everyone just want to have a happy and enjoyable day. The power to overcome difficulties is the true measure of how well you lead your life. And by any measures, i suppose mine ain't that great yet. But still, it doesn't mean it will always be, even though i love to quote, "Has been and will always be.", and anyway, who preaches what he said. It's always the case of say and no action.

My friends were asking me along for a Bangkok trip some time this June. And i swear that if i'm able to make it, i'll definitely go for it. I need to unwind myself. So fingers crossed, i hope we are able to fix on a period of time whereby i'm having my leave after Service term and in the convenience of them as well.

As for now, i'm only 45 minutes away from book in. And i'm still having trouble uploading a new song for my blog. Shall leave it unchanged till my next book out. Time to pack my bags and that's all for this post.

Till then.