So long and good night
Had a tough time packing my stuff today having to dig out all the green stuff. Nothing much to type for this post, just a quick goodbye to all my blog readers before i head off to SAFTI MI OCS, in 8 hours time.
As i could smell the tough trainings ahead, i just hope that i managed to come back in a piece. Like what a friend of mine said, we are off to the Under 21 soccer training. Yah right, we are obviously just kidding ourselves. How i wish that was the case. On a serious note, i'm missing my soccer days back in secondary time. It's something time can withstand. Unlike love, fame or glory. Speaking about soccer, i'm eyeing the new England away red jersey. Hope it doesn't cost a bomb.
If everything goes well, i'll be blogging again when i'm back on the 8th of April, after 3 weeks of mandatory confinement. I will also be looking forward to my Class 2B lesson 2 on the 9th. Enjoyed my first lesson yesterday, and i can't wait to get my own bike in time to come. Having tried out motorbiking myself, i do agree that it's dangerous. Considering a 125cc bike is already quite heavy and i almost crash twice, but i managed to dump the bike aside and wasn't hurt at all. Speaking about valuing one's life? I don't think so.
Alright that's all i have. Emptiness fill me. Till then.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Saturday, March 18, 2006
What lies beneath
Sometimes you ponder over something and you questioned the rationale to it. So if you thought you might just have understood what i'm trying to say to you or that i've done for you, try this:
Multiply by infinity, take it to the depth of forever and you will still have bare glimpse of what i'm talking about.
Sometimes you ponder over something and you questioned the rationale to it. So if you thought you might just have understood what i'm trying to say to you or that i've done for you, try this:
Multiply by infinity, take it to the depth of forever and you will still have bare glimpse of what i'm talking about.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Thou shall not be
She said, "Some days I feel like shit, some days i wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit."
I don't understand why you have to always be gone, i get along but the trips always feel so long, and, i find myself tryna stay by the phone, cause your voice always helps me when i feel so alone.
But i feel like an idiot, working my day around the call. But when i pick up i don't have much to say, so, i want you to know it's a little fucked up, that i'm stuck here waiting, at times debating, telling you that i've had it with you.
Shit, i find myself just filling my time, anything to keep the thought of you from my mind. I'm doing fine, i plan to keep it that way, you can call me if you find you have something to say, and i'll tell you i'm fucked up.
I want you to know it's fucked up, that i'm stuck here waiting, no longer debating, tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses. For while you're not around, and feeling so useless, it seems one thing has been true all along.
You don't really know what you got until it's gone, i guess i've had it with you!
She said, "Some days I feel like shit, some days i wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit."
I don't understand why you have to always be gone, i get along but the trips always feel so long, and, i find myself tryna stay by the phone, cause your voice always helps me when i feel so alone.
But i feel like an idiot, working my day around the call. But when i pick up i don't have much to say, so, i want you to know it's a little fucked up, that i'm stuck here waiting, at times debating, telling you that i've had it with you.
Shit, i find myself just filling my time, anything to keep the thought of you from my mind. I'm doing fine, i plan to keep it that way, you can call me if you find you have something to say, and i'll tell you i'm fucked up.
I want you to know it's fucked up, that i'm stuck here waiting, no longer debating, tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses. For while you're not around, and feeling so useless, it seems one thing has been true all along.
You don't really know what you got until it's gone, i guess i've had it with you!
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Replacement Lover
I had a chat with a friend of mine last night and she was basically into the topic of being a replacement of someone. A replacement who sacrificed time and school just to be a replacement for someone. Probably there's more than just that, for the very fact that it's often the case that you will do almost anything for that someone you fancy. More than often, when you are not needed as accompany, you are basically alone and left sulking at your own pitiful state. That's when you start to question your own value and ponder over the need to be just a replacement.
There is the show Replacement Killer, how about Replacement Lover? It's probably the highest box office sold out movie, which is playing everyday in our daily lives.
A plot whereby someone who you without knowing came into your normal routine life and created a big impact. Someone whom you start to realize that he/she has been into some relationship problems. You started paying more attention to the person's sorrows and lend more than just a listening ear to him/her. As time passed, you inevitably become very conscious of the person's whereabouts, and tend to worry doubly for him/her when you see him/her do stupid things to him/herself, like drinking overly, skipping meals, isolating and getting into trouble.
You start to spend more time with the person, hoping to provide some company and drive away some unwanted thoughts from him/her. You might even act like a clown, buying anything he/she joked about getting it, constant reminding him/her to have regular meals, go drinking with him/her even when you can't hold your liquor well, neglecting your studies, work, family and friends, all just to be someone there for the person. And that's without knowing falling for the person.
The person will then inevitably starts to rely quite a lot on you. He/she will be expecting you to be always there for him/her, doing all the reminding of stuff, and of course to accompany him/her. Despite the fact that it may appears to be quite an unwanted act to do, you will be more than happy to be just who he/she wanted you to be. You wouldn't mind if it's skipping of school just to accompany him/her for 5-10 minutes because he wanted to get something for his/her partner, or waited for hours just because he/she was held up with his/her partner and your heart melt and forgave him/her for the long wait, because he/she came with a sad look and you know you wouldn't want to be petty about the wait but instead be more concern about what happened to him/her.
No matter how boring the movie it is, you will enjoy it as long as you're watching it with him/her. No matter how bored you are just to sit down and watch him/her playing something which doesn't interest you, you will still do it. No matter how tired you are, you will still put up a sober front just to be able to accompany him/her for a longer period of time. No matter how broke you are, you will still find means and ways so as not to restrict yourself from not seeing him/her just because you are broke. No matter how fierce or the amount of vulgarities hurled out, indirectly/directly at you, you will never get offended. No matter how difficult or tiring it is to get something for him/her, you will get it by hook or by crook. No matter what, as long as it involves him/her, you will be there.
When the table is turned around, he/she will never be there for you. Even if he/she does, it's often the case of just some simple consoling words which even though you knew it's just something to buy you off, you will still be comforted because it came from him/her. When you are alone and hope to head out for some fun, 8 out of 10 times, he/she will not be available, reason being that he/she is with their partner. When you gave him/her advice with regards to their relationship which even though appears to be not a worthy relationship, you get rebuked because he/she felt that you don't know what true love is all about and that you are not him/her, thus you can never understand. Despite getting hurt for things he/she did or say to you, you will not show your emotions out, all just because you wouldn't want to be the second burden to him/her.
The on and off fair weather treatment you get for falling with him/her, will eventually come to an end someday. And the outcome would be you are still who you are, and he/she will either get over the rough patch with his/her partner and continue with the relationship, or he/she will be with someone who came out of nowhere. At the end of the day, you felt cheated and yet you wouldn't blame on him/her or anything else, because you felt it's something you chose, and you will not live with regrets to it.
The movie came to an end with the audience feeling sad for the replacement lover. Some might deemed the replacement as someone stupid, whereas some might feel he/she is someone noble and giving. Whichever it is, the movie Replacement Lover is playing everyday in our routine lives. It could be you, your friend or someone you heard of.
Just like reading this post, you might not feel anything because you weren't once a replacement, the "Replacement Lover" movie might just be something you never really understand. But it's good thing though, because it's something no one will want to experience it. And if you think being a Replacement Lover is the worse you can get, try watching "Replacement's Replacement Lover", and that's when you will truly understand how fortune it is to be loved by someone than to love someone.
Till then.
I had a chat with a friend of mine last night and she was basically into the topic of being a replacement of someone. A replacement who sacrificed time and school just to be a replacement for someone. Probably there's more than just that, for the very fact that it's often the case that you will do almost anything for that someone you fancy. More than often, when you are not needed as accompany, you are basically alone and left sulking at your own pitiful state. That's when you start to question your own value and ponder over the need to be just a replacement.
There is the show Replacement Killer, how about Replacement Lover? It's probably the highest box office sold out movie, which is playing everyday in our daily lives.
A plot whereby someone who you without knowing came into your normal routine life and created a big impact. Someone whom you start to realize that he/she has been into some relationship problems. You started paying more attention to the person's sorrows and lend more than just a listening ear to him/her. As time passed, you inevitably become very conscious of the person's whereabouts, and tend to worry doubly for him/her when you see him/her do stupid things to him/herself, like drinking overly, skipping meals, isolating and getting into trouble.
You start to spend more time with the person, hoping to provide some company and drive away some unwanted thoughts from him/her. You might even act like a clown, buying anything he/she joked about getting it, constant reminding him/her to have regular meals, go drinking with him/her even when you can't hold your liquor well, neglecting your studies, work, family and friends, all just to be someone there for the person. And that's without knowing falling for the person.
The person will then inevitably starts to rely quite a lot on you. He/she will be expecting you to be always there for him/her, doing all the reminding of stuff, and of course to accompany him/her. Despite the fact that it may appears to be quite an unwanted act to do, you will be more than happy to be just who he/she wanted you to be. You wouldn't mind if it's skipping of school just to accompany him/her for 5-10 minutes because he wanted to get something for his/her partner, or waited for hours just because he/she was held up with his/her partner and your heart melt and forgave him/her for the long wait, because he/she came with a sad look and you know you wouldn't want to be petty about the wait but instead be more concern about what happened to him/her.
No matter how boring the movie it is, you will enjoy it as long as you're watching it with him/her. No matter how bored you are just to sit down and watch him/her playing something which doesn't interest you, you will still do it. No matter how tired you are, you will still put up a sober front just to be able to accompany him/her for a longer period of time. No matter how broke you are, you will still find means and ways so as not to restrict yourself from not seeing him/her just because you are broke. No matter how fierce or the amount of vulgarities hurled out, indirectly/directly at you, you will never get offended. No matter how difficult or tiring it is to get something for him/her, you will get it by hook or by crook. No matter what, as long as it involves him/her, you will be there.
When the table is turned around, he/she will never be there for you. Even if he/she does, it's often the case of just some simple consoling words which even though you knew it's just something to buy you off, you will still be comforted because it came from him/her. When you are alone and hope to head out for some fun, 8 out of 10 times, he/she will not be available, reason being that he/she is with their partner. When you gave him/her advice with regards to their relationship which even though appears to be not a worthy relationship, you get rebuked because he/she felt that you don't know what true love is all about and that you are not him/her, thus you can never understand. Despite getting hurt for things he/she did or say to you, you will not show your emotions out, all just because you wouldn't want to be the second burden to him/her.
The on and off fair weather treatment you get for falling with him/her, will eventually come to an end someday. And the outcome would be you are still who you are, and he/she will either get over the rough patch with his/her partner and continue with the relationship, or he/she will be with someone who came out of nowhere. At the end of the day, you felt cheated and yet you wouldn't blame on him/her or anything else, because you felt it's something you chose, and you will not live with regrets to it.
The movie came to an end with the audience feeling sad for the replacement lover. Some might deemed the replacement as someone stupid, whereas some might feel he/she is someone noble and giving. Whichever it is, the movie Replacement Lover is playing everyday in our routine lives. It could be you, your friend or someone you heard of.
Just like reading this post, you might not feel anything because you weren't once a replacement, the "Replacement Lover" movie might just be something you never really understand. But it's good thing though, because it's something no one will want to experience it. And if you think being a Replacement Lover is the worse you can get, try watching "Replacement's Replacement Lover", and that's when you will truly understand how fortune it is to be loved by someone than to love someone.
Till then.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Who am i to you
[Repost]
Give some thoughts to the list of words and choose 6 which you feel best describes me. Leave your real name whenever possible.
Click here
[Repost]
Give some thoughts to the list of words and choose 6 which you feel best describes me. Leave your real name whenever possible.
Click here
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Kiss Goodbye
Just a short post here.
I was informed of my new posting just before we left the office today. I will be putting back the white straps onto my shoulders and be jailed for 3 weeks starting 20th Mar. And that literally means that i'm posted to OCS(Officer Cadet School). Nothing to be real happy about it though, especially with all the gruesome trainings ahead. The only positive thing to look forward would just be the $720/- pay.
That's all for now. Read something moments ago, and i think my title sums it all up. Till then.
Just a short post here.
I was informed of my new posting just before we left the office today. I will be putting back the white straps onto my shoulders and be jailed for 3 weeks starting 20th Mar. And that literally means that i'm posted to OCS(Officer Cadet School). Nothing to be real happy about it though, especially with all the gruesome trainings ahead. The only positive thing to look forward would just be the $720/- pay.
That's all for now. Read something moments ago, and i think my title sums it all up. Till then.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Small talks
It has been some time since i last updated my blog, so here i am again to post up some whining for my faithful blog followers. No idea what and how i'm going to start this post, thus i'll just do all the small talks here, just like what my title suggests.
[Post edited due to sensitive issues discussed]
Let's move on to discuss about relationship; the topic that never runs dry of discussions.
A friend of mine was sharing with me yesterday the cruel fact that the gal he fancy just got attached lately. And he popped a question to me, asking why do gals like to mention this phrase, "You can get another better gal." Any gals out there would like to help me out with this?
Just an opinion from me, i feel that it's like a friendly line to comfort and maybe console the guy? And the worse thing is that you can't blame the gal for anything. It's a game whereby it takes 2 hands to clap. But of course to be fair to my friend, he did alot for the gal too.
Not forgetting that i questioned him when we were over at Australia while he's doing all the silly tiring stuff for the gal. "Does she know how much effort you put into all that you've done?", "Would it be better to see her happy with someone else she loves, or happier for yourself to be the someone she loves?"
Well, i suppose there's never a right or wrong to it. Sometimes it's not even about the effort you put into it. During my lunch today, another friend was like asking us, have we ever wondered why sometimes it's hard to get someone you like, someone pretty, to be your partner and yet those who are not of your interest and less appealing to you, fall for you instead?
The reason he gave was that because when we are with the one we like or someone pretty, we tend to put up an unnatural side of us, trying hard to impress the person. We controlled the way we speak, the way we behave, simply holding back the way we carry ourselves. Whereas, in front of gals who ain't our cup of tea, we will just be natural, hurling away the most violent vulgarities, and carry ourselves like some beggers, simply ignorant to her presence.
So most of the time, it's always the same of plot of A fancies B, B fancies C and yet C fancies D. So at the end of the day, everyone starts to be D and none will be A. Which role are you in now?
Not going to go much into this issue, just a quick touch of the surface. And to my friend, though i hate to say this, and even me myself is sick of hearing these; just take it easy, time heals all wounds and you will find your right one someday.
As for myself, it's game over. I shall be adding on my single days as i go along. Been too tired trying to be someone. Being a single yearning for a relationship, yet i see my friends all wanting to be single again. How ironic life can be.
Alright, that's all for now. I've changed to a new song. The song that captivated me the moment i heard it. Probably meant alot to me again. Enjoy it and for the gals out there, go easy on the guys! Till then.
It has been some time since i last updated my blog, so here i am again to post up some whining for my faithful blog followers. No idea what and how i'm going to start this post, thus i'll just do all the small talks here, just like what my title suggests.
[Post edited due to sensitive issues discussed]
Let's move on to discuss about relationship; the topic that never runs dry of discussions.
A friend of mine was sharing with me yesterday the cruel fact that the gal he fancy just got attached lately. And he popped a question to me, asking why do gals like to mention this phrase, "You can get another better gal." Any gals out there would like to help me out with this?
Just an opinion from me, i feel that it's like a friendly line to comfort and maybe console the guy? And the worse thing is that you can't blame the gal for anything. It's a game whereby it takes 2 hands to clap. But of course to be fair to my friend, he did alot for the gal too.
Not forgetting that i questioned him when we were over at Australia while he's doing all the silly tiring stuff for the gal. "Does she know how much effort you put into all that you've done?", "Would it be better to see her happy with someone else she loves, or happier for yourself to be the someone she loves?"
Well, i suppose there's never a right or wrong to it. Sometimes it's not even about the effort you put into it. During my lunch today, another friend was like asking us, have we ever wondered why sometimes it's hard to get someone you like, someone pretty, to be your partner and yet those who are not of your interest and less appealing to you, fall for you instead?
The reason he gave was that because when we are with the one we like or someone pretty, we tend to put up an unnatural side of us, trying hard to impress the person. We controlled the way we speak, the way we behave, simply holding back the way we carry ourselves. Whereas, in front of gals who ain't our cup of tea, we will just be natural, hurling away the most violent vulgarities, and carry ourselves like some beggers, simply ignorant to her presence.
So most of the time, it's always the same of plot of A fancies B, B fancies C and yet C fancies D. So at the end of the day, everyone starts to be D and none will be A. Which role are you in now?
Not going to go much into this issue, just a quick touch of the surface. And to my friend, though i hate to say this, and even me myself is sick of hearing these; just take it easy, time heals all wounds and you will find your right one someday.
As for myself, it's game over. I shall be adding on my single days as i go along. Been too tired trying to be someone. Being a single yearning for a relationship, yet i see my friends all wanting to be single again. How ironic life can be.
Alright, that's all for now. I've changed to a new song. The song that captivated me the moment i heard it. Probably meant alot to me again. Enjoy it and for the gals out there, go easy on the guys! Till then.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Deep and Meaningless
It's just so hard to get across to others especially when they are not in tune with your mood, your feelings and such. So it's like sometimes you wish to talk to someone about your thoughts and seek some advice, you don't get what you expected. But i guess that's life, i can't expect everyone to be so perfectly synchronized with me. Just live with it and enjoy life. Period.
"your acceptance while it will thrills me, will not define me."
It's just so hard to get across to others especially when they are not in tune with your mood, your feelings and such. So it's like sometimes you wish to talk to someone about your thoughts and seek some advice, you don't get what you expected. But i guess that's life, i can't expect everyone to be so perfectly synchronized with me. Just live with it and enjoy life. Period.
"your acceptance while it will thrills me, will not define me."
Friday, March 03, 2006
Install love
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing its elf. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you!
"Love is only as good as you make it; it's up to you to set the stage."
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing its elf. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you!
"Love is only as good as you make it; it's up to you to set the stage."
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