I'm better off my own

Recalling few weeks back, i asked a friend of mine if she knows what's the difference between happy and sadness. Eventually i was able to come out with around 5-6 points. Can't actually remember all the points i mentioned that time, but there's one particular one i managed to come out with: "Happy comes with much difficulties, stays on for split seconds while sadness come and go easily yet stays with you from days to weeks."

Often i wonder and asked myself, am i that sad and is it that all things are going against me. Seriously i must say, things aren't that bad. At least i'm fit and able, i have a family, a home and is able to enjoy most of the stuff one possibly could think of. So what exactly is my problem? Perhaps instead of always complaining and whining, i'll jot down some issues and you shall be my judge.

"Damn fucker. i wud help u. Fuck. U dun disturb me."
"U go find other pple 2 be ur guanrantor. We wudnt help u. Fuck off"

The above 2 messages are sent to me via sms by my sister. And sister here i meant my own biological, blood-related sister. So what did i do to deserve these 2 "heartwarming" messages? It wasn't a complicated story, so i'll just briefly go through here.

What happened was that my sister wanted to come back for dinner, but end up suggesting to dine out at AMK central instead. I wasn't really into the idea as i felt tired and preferred to have dinner at home. Remember that i mentioned in my previous post that for my pilot vocation i need 2 guarantors for my contract? I approached my sister back then for help. So she threatened that if i decline to go out for dinner, she won't help me with it anymore. After that, she got pissed and decided not to even come back for dinner. And there you go, the above 2 sms was then sent to me.

I'm not trying to make her look stupid or anything by stating all these here. What i typed here may also seem sarcastic and bias due to the fact it's only my point of view. Nonetheless, you be my judge.

Life in army has been getting rather monotonous lately. 2 more weeks left before passing out from BMT, and most of the main highlights had been completed. 3 notable events that happened last week were BAC, peer appraisal and IPPT Diagnostic.

Battle Assault Course(BAC), the course every man has to go through to be consider a real soldier. Well, at least that's what they said. Basically, we have to warcry loud through a 80m course, applying the Basic Close Combat skills by kicking and stabbing using rifle at the dummy enemies, baby-crawl, leopard-crawl and back-crawl on mud. At the end of it, you will be totally drenched in mud and stink like cow-dung. The worst smell you can ever get, and we called it "Tekong-Cologne". Less than 5 minutes for completing the course, more than 50 minutes of cleaning up yourself and the equipments.

Peer appraisal was done last Wednesday whereby we have to rank the rest of the 48 recruits in the platoon in ascending order based on 3 factors: "Friends", "Success" and "Stress". "Friends" meaning those you wish to be friends with, basically meaning those you felt comfortable talking to and such, high chance those who are your bunk mates. "Success" referring to those who you felt can be a successful commander who is able to lead and take responsibilities. "Stress" refers to those who is able to take stress, and work without much difficulties. Something to be happy about was that i received quite a number of high ranking by my platoon mates.

IPPT Diagnostic was done yesterday after it was void on Thursday due to bad weather whereby we managed to complete all the static stations but took too long and wasn't able to start our 2.4km run in time. I managed to book out yesterday evening after obtaining Silver for my IPPT as promised by our OC. Same goes to those who pass the IPPT, they get to book out after we had our dinner.

For the past few days, i'm into serious thinking about whether i should continue to pin my hopes of getting into the pilot vocation. My medical is still undergoing, with reviews to follow up. Till now, i still have no idea what should i do, hoping someone was there to guide me.

I stared at my blogger screen for around 15 minutes before i start typing this post and this post took me 2 hours plus. Pausing and thinking every now and then what to type, but somehow, just somehow, my mind is in a blank even though i know i have alot to say. Nevertheless, i've changed a new song, again the lyrics captivated me and i guess..

I'm better off my own!.