I'm holding on..

Been quite some time since i last posted something purely on my thoughts. Seriously, i'm flattered to hear from my friends, those who visited my blog, telling me that they do come back again and read my old posts again, thinking through the thoughts or some words of wisdom made by me.

My blog of cause ain't something like those SPG's blog, whereby i get high hit rates daily or nor do my blog has posts which will engaged to mass audience. Of cause, i do get comments that some of my posts are just plain bullshit or that i'm beating around the bush and hinting something else.

Nonetheless, i guess to me, my blog is just a medium for me to write what's in my mind, with or without the intention to insult one, having or not mentioned names of those involved in my life, and of cause, wherever possible, to share some thoughts and most of the time promote pessimism?

To a certain extend, i think i've reached the crossroad of my life. Crossroad, i meant a point of uncertainties. Living comfortably for the past 10 years of so, whereby education in Singapore is pretty much fixed and designated for us, one hardly has to worry what lies ahead.

Just when i'm serving the nation now, i felt a slight change. The path ahead of me ain't that clear and well-drawn now. Perhaps it's the military life that makes me feeling this, but one way or another, it's more about the fact that when you are given wide selection of choices but in a limited context, that's when you feel lost and helpless.

Wide selection of choices but in a limited context? What do i mean here? Put it in layman's term, it's like having a choice of fruits in a basket. You get to choose quite a substantial number of fruits, but you're limited to only the basket. Still don't get what i meant? Put it even simpler, pick one apple or orange or durian or papaya or mango from a basket.

Sounds pretty good for that you have at least 5 fruits to choose from ain't it? But think again, whatever is inside the basket might not be the best you can ever choose from and worst case scenario, you hate all the 5 fruits presented to you.

Probably in life, we are pretty much always in this situation. Just have to pick the best out of the worst. Perhaps that's how the sayings of "survival of the fittest" and "best man win" came from.

For my case, i'm at the crossroad whereby i'm stuck between choosing to take up the pilot vocation, go through 26 months of uncertainties and put on hold for my university or to just go through my National Service as regular man and continue my degree 2 years later.

I guess for most, one would have easily pick the first choice and just go for it. Then again, i'll be questioned on what do i really wish to achieve in life. If there's something else i hope to attain, probably i should stick to the tradition route and take option 2.

Got to put this aside for now, since there's nothing much i can do yet, i'll just play watch and catch. Whatever i get at the end my BMT period, i'll just have to gladly accept it and see how it goes from there.

Moments ago i had a chat with a close buddy of mine back in the secondary days. After hearing from him and updating me his life and what he's going through now, i feel glad that i'm not alone and that i do have friends which is something i always claim not to have. I updated him my life and we had a short chat about our future.

Something nice to be able catch up with those who spend a period of time with you. Sharing and going through the tough times together. Especially at this period of time, whereby most of us are busy and occupied with their own stuff.

Few days back, another friend of mine was asking me if i'm in the emotional state yet again. "Again" is the word used here. All that i can say is that my life is pretty much like a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs at unexpected turns, twisting and turning at all directions.

Something i always mentioned it to my friend, and that's how i wish i could fast-forward my life to when i'm like 70 years old? That's when i can just lie back on my rocking chair, reflecting what i've achieved and done for others. With no worries in mind, just reminiscing my past, giving myself a pat and say, "Well done."

Yet sometimes i'll blame God, even though i'm a free-thinker, blame my luck, which is something i never had, blame fate, something that has be cruel to me, and even blame myself, simply for the life i'm given to.

I just can't understand the fact that why i'm being presented things which will leave me someday. I would have prefer not to have them at all, not even for a slightly moment. Call it heaven's will, call it fated, call it destinated, call it whatever it is, cause it has happened to me more than once and i'm getting sick of it.

Everytime and whenever i wish to write my thoughts down, they just seems to run away from me as i start typing. Yet there's some much i hope to say, so much that i just wish to scream out loud. I just wish the one will take me away from this place, to somewhere i belong. Somewhere i will be truly happy. As for where and how it's going to be like for me to be happy, just watch the space after this post.

I've changed a new song. Hold on by Good Charlotte, mainly for the lyrics which best describes my mood and a good motivation to stay positive. The most unpleasant thing about this post is that it's not the original one which i spent 2 hours typing and lost it due to publishing error. Just when you're screwed up, things just don't go your way too.

I wish..