Whoever it may concern

There's a million tomorrow and a thousand yesterday, but there's only one today. So sometime we should just look at what we have now instead of worrying too much.

The funny thing about friends is that you look at the way they treat you or talk to you previously, as compared to now, it just makes me wonder whether is there something call constant. Never mind how time changes, how one grows and react differently, all that it seems to me is just all the big fake smile and lies.

Lately i have been chatting alot with my men in army. And i could just feel that they were all so unhappy with us, the commanders, for that things they did will never satisfy us, and we would just demand more from them. Appreciation is the only thing they wanted. Yet simple as it can be, we are never able to provide them that sort of comfort.

Everyone works and thinks differently. I have a direct superior who never gives you a pat on the shoulder for the good work done. Leashing out extras to those who work hard and happened to be caught dozing off. And when you are one of them who got punished, do you still want to be the one working your arse off and yet get the most shit out of it?

Same applies to everything in life. When you start to realise that after doing so much and trying so hard just to make the best out of life, you get cold shoulders and treatment worse than anyone out there, do you think you still want to continuing doing what you think is right? For that what you think is right and good is often challenged by the very fact that the more you do, the least you get, and the least you get, the more you have to do.

The vicious cycle just doesn't justify anything. Worse, you have no one to turn you, despite trying harder and harder, you just get numbed, give up and live just for the sake of living. And at the end of day, you start envying those fortunate ones around you, you slipped into depression and become a pessmistic.

Yet the best your friends could offer is the motherhood statement of being more optimistic and think less. As if it helps. Cause when you're not the party suffering, you never will understood how he/she felt.

Inevitably, there must have thieves and police in this world, and same goes to good and bad guys out there. And of course, there's always the grey area of in between. Humans are so capable of showing multiple sides. Like how i would write all these in blog yet i behave cheerful and easy-going out there. Call it putting up a fake mask or what, i guess i wasn't born and brought up to hate and be a devil, thus despite all the unhappiness, i just try to live through it and end state, i become who i am now, ever so black, ever so gloomy.