Axis of life

Once again, time for another emo post. Just days ago, again for god-knows-how-many times, i had another friendly argument with a gal, Ms. Sharin, the gal who never seems to agree with any of my views. Not that i hate her to the core for being such a pest, the fact is that sometimes her harsh true words did wake me up from certain detrimental thoughts. Nonetheless, it's always a good thing to have someone who will knock some sense into me, from time to time.

So the issue arises from the night i got home after a night show with 4 of my OCS buddies. After donkey years of zero movies, i managed to catch Norbit with them. For a start, it's something rare that i'll be so enthusiastic to meet up for such occasion. Apparently, that's just so not me to be meeting them up, not to mention that i had find myself tonnes of reasons not to be there, many a times.

Even my friend, Kenneth was telling me how rare it is for me to meet up with them, for which i have to excuse myself for the meeting around 830pm, and somewhat got cursed and swear for leaving him alone.

Before we depart and make our own ways back home, we have a short chat about the days when we were all in OCS. We were all under the same wing, all under the same platoon. Fond memories were flashing back like a movie, and to many of us, it was surprising to see how everyone could recall all the highlights that happened during the short period of 14 weeks. Some things just do not change. Good or bad.

And in years to come, i'm sure some of us will still be in contact with one another, be successful one way or another. My good buddy, U-Jin, would probably be heading to US to pursue his Economics, and Noah, heading to UK for his Biology. How i wish i was smart and rich enough to pursue my IT in Silicon Valley.

Sitting back comfortably in a Merc cab on the journey back home, thoughts start to fill in yet again. I was just thinking how i should have make good use of my time, more wisely and perhaps more constructively. The amount of time i spend procrastinating can never be justifiable. So the casual chat with Sharin, regarding how i felt i'm missing out so many things in life, slowly escalated to a small debate.

Relating to the recent death of the young actress/singer Xu Wei Lun, many of her friends had regrets of not being able to spend time with her. And the very fact that how some of her close friends were looking forward to have some meet ups, just before the unfortunate news came crashing on them.

So many would probably feel that life is so fragile, you never know what's coming next, and it's best to be always spending more time with your loved ones. I may sound contradicting to what i've mentioned, but i still feel that most importantly, is just to do what you want to. Regrets are always there for you to pin point. A simple choice of rice or noodles can be so regretful when you suffered food poisoning for what you chose and later on regretted for not choosing the former.

Because of the very fact that humans are after all humans, things are not always within our controls. Minimising the regrets we have, can be ideally achieved depending on how we value the degree of happiness. Some people just don't mind going to diet just to save up for a branded bag, while some just want to spend more time with family and thus make it a point to rush back home on a cab everyday after work.

With the case of the person going on diet for the bag suffered acute gastric and ended up hospitalized and the guy who took cab everyday just to be caught in jams and ended up spending equal amount of time on public transport, you tell me if they have any regrets. Of cause, for them, they might not feel so, because that's what they wanted to do. Regrets are merely some form of what-if to them.

For that we only learn from history, we can't position ourselves better for we can't foresee the future. And because of this, life becomes a game of gamble? Win or lose, we only play this game once. No pause, no cheat codes, no premium strategy guides/walkthrough, and simply no restart.

So many would wonder why am i so emo, why do i like to think so much, what is so bad about my life that i have to be so pessimistic. In fact i was told, people will just read blogs and not think deep into it. Like how people will just gossip and read the SPG, Xia Xue's blog and perhaps laugh or shake their head off.

Explain i will not, but i just feel that most of the time, life is so unfair, humans are so uncaring, and good don't usually triumph over the bad. Like how i will always try to answer my friends' calls, their requests, help them out, offer advices and even spend a fortune on them, yet when the table is turned, i just have to ask myself if i choose the wrong time for a listening ear or got the wrong source for help.

So how do i deal with it? I resort to writing blogs, staying home like a hermit and get more and more emo?

But that's so wrong ain't it? Sometimes i just try not to think like that for this is so unhealthy and it gets no where. As of this full stop at the end of this sentence, i'm already 90 minutes into writing this post. Like many of my posts, i just don't feel like writing anymore towards this part.

Before i wrap this up, i think i better make this crystal clear that i'm not having any problems and that i'm getting more positive. The true mastery of oneself is able to relate its darkest side and handle it well. I'm sure many of my friends who know me by name, would never know all these if they don't visit my blog. And for some, they might feel i'm such a fake. Like it or not, life itself is a game, a drama, and if you wish, you may want to call it a joke.

Till then.