Axis of life
Once again, time for another emo post. Just days ago, again for god-knows-how-many times, i had another friendly argument with a gal, Ms. Sharin, the gal who never seems to agree with any of my views. Not that i hate her to the core for being such a pest, the fact is that sometimes her harsh true words did wake me up from certain detrimental thoughts. Nonetheless, it's always a good thing to have someone who will knock some sense into me, from time to time.
So the issue arises from the night i got home after a night show with 4 of my OCS buddies. After donkey years of zero movies, i managed to catch Norbit with them. For a start, it's something rare that i'll be so enthusiastic to meet up for such occasion. Apparently, that's just so not me to be meeting them up, not to mention that i had find myself tonnes of reasons not to be there, many a times.
Even my friend, Kenneth was telling me how rare it is for me to meet up with them, for which i have to excuse myself for the meeting around 830pm, and somewhat got cursed and swear for leaving him alone.
Before we depart and make our own ways back home, we have a short chat about the days when we were all in OCS. We were all under the same wing, all under the same platoon. Fond memories were flashing back like a movie, and to many of us, it was surprising to see how everyone could recall all the highlights that happened during the short period of 14 weeks. Some things just do not change. Good or bad.
And in years to come, i'm sure some of us will still be in contact with one another, be successful one way or another. My good buddy, U-Jin, would probably be heading to US to pursue his Economics, and Noah, heading to UK for his Biology. How i wish i was smart and rich enough to pursue my IT in Silicon Valley.
Sitting back comfortably in a Merc cab on the journey back home, thoughts start to fill in yet again. I was just thinking how i should have make good use of my time, more wisely and perhaps more constructively. The amount of time i spend procrastinating can never be justifiable. So the casual chat with Sharin, regarding how i felt i'm missing out so many things in life, slowly escalated to a small debate.
Relating to the recent death of the young actress/singer Xu Wei Lun, many of her friends had regrets of not being able to spend time with her. And the very fact that how some of her close friends were looking forward to have some meet ups, just before the unfortunate news came crashing on them.
So many would probably feel that life is so fragile, you never know what's coming next, and it's best to be always spending more time with your loved ones. I may sound contradicting to what i've mentioned, but i still feel that most importantly, is just to do what you want to. Regrets are always there for you to pin point. A simple choice of rice or noodles can be so regretful when you suffered food poisoning for what you chose and later on regretted for not choosing the former.
Because of the very fact that humans are after all humans, things are not always within our controls. Minimising the regrets we have, can be ideally achieved depending on how we value the degree of happiness. Some people just don't mind going to diet just to save up for a branded bag, while some just want to spend more time with family and thus make it a point to rush back home on a cab everyday after work.
With the case of the person going on diet for the bag suffered acute gastric and ended up hospitalized and the guy who took cab everyday just to be caught in jams and ended up spending equal amount of time on public transport, you tell me if they have any regrets. Of cause, for them, they might not feel so, because that's what they wanted to do. Regrets are merely some form of what-if to them.
For that we only learn from history, we can't position ourselves better for we can't foresee the future. And because of this, life becomes a game of gamble? Win or lose, we only play this game once. No pause, no cheat codes, no premium strategy guides/walkthrough, and simply no restart.
So many would wonder why am i so emo, why do i like to think so much, what is so bad about my life that i have to be so pessimistic. In fact i was told, people will just read blogs and not think deep into it. Like how people will just gossip and read the SPG, Xia Xue's blog and perhaps laugh or shake their head off.
Explain i will not, but i just feel that most of the time, life is so unfair, humans are so uncaring, and good don't usually triumph over the bad. Like how i will always try to answer my friends' calls, their requests, help them out, offer advices and even spend a fortune on them, yet when the table is turned, i just have to ask myself if i choose the wrong time for a listening ear or got the wrong source for help.
So how do i deal with it? I resort to writing blogs, staying home like a hermit and get more and more emo?
But that's so wrong ain't it? Sometimes i just try not to think like that for this is so unhealthy and it gets no where. As of this full stop at the end of this sentence, i'm already 90 minutes into writing this post. Like many of my posts, i just don't feel like writing anymore towards this part.
Before i wrap this up, i think i better make this crystal clear that i'm not having any problems and that i'm getting more positive. The true mastery of oneself is able to relate its darkest side and handle it well. I'm sure many of my friends who know me by name, would never know all these if they don't visit my blog. And for some, they might feel i'm such a fake. Like it or not, life itself is a game, a drama, and if you wish, you may want to call it a joke.
Till then.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
The power of Technology
Every week after i got back from camp, the first few things i'll do straight away without fail, is to log on to the net. Friendster, blogs, msn, emails are just some of the routine must-do stuff. And after that i'll paused and start to observe the changes in the house, last but not least, let the thoughts run wild again. Issues pertaining to what happened over the past week, and also some food of thoughts after viewing some friends' updates.
First and foremost, St. Valentine's day. Somehow that day was rather bad, not particularly for me, but it was a day i think it's best it didn't existed. That Wednesday was the day we had a Connexion Trail, a NE kinda excursion to Temples and Mosques. After it concluded, everyone else in the whole battalion was free to leave, and this includes all the men have nights off, special privilege for Valentine's day, but the only one left were men from my company. The reason was that there's exercise the following day, and thus they have to prepare the stuff required.
Personally i don't see a need for them to do so, even if the preparation is crucial, the least we could do is to let them have the night for their partners once the job is done. Most of them were able to complete the required tasking around 7pm, yet they have to stay behind. Even though i'm an officer, and as much as i wish to let them off, there's nothing much i could do. 2nd Lieutenant is the lowest form of officer and our words don't carry any weight at all. I always wanted to be PC where my men will have all the welfare when they deserve it, yet after i started being a PC, it became crystal clear that there's nothing much i could do for them, and it's
often told to us that it's better to draw a clear line between men and officers.
I never believe in such shit for that even as a cadet, i often get reprimanded for not being able to be harsh when the need arises. I believe in everything our men do, they are doing for our sake, and why should we be so critical and harsh to them even when there isn't a need to. The argument often revolves the fact that when officers are too close to men, they start climbing over our heads and demands more instead of working harder. Until now, i think it's a fair statement, but this shouldn't be the obstacle that deprives them of privileges.
Before i side-track, back to v'day, despite all the men staying back to prep, all the officers book out. This was the guilty part. Myself included, we left the men behind while we had our nights out. Not that i'm on a date or anything, but i just joined few of my fellow officers from other company for a meal in town. While my colleagues in my company went Mambo and came back around 4am.
I got back around 9pm and i went to talk to my men. Without doubt, they felt cheated. Why do officers have privileges like this, and why do they have to stay in while the whole battalion book out and have the night till 2359hrs. Of cause minus the fact that the rest do not have any exercises the following day like them, they felt "jailed" for nothing. My upper study wasn't really into giving them the night off as he felt they don't deserve it. I don't know why he feel that way, but he did wanted to give them night off the following Thursday after the exercise. But guess what? The exercise only cut after 9pm, nights out was never given.
Sometimes i just wonder is it that as an officer, my job is to instill tough disciplines, train them hard, make them suffer during peacetime exercise, so that they will not "die" and get extras when it comes to real Ops or real war? Or that i should try to fight for them on days where they ought to be given some welfare? The grey line is so thin, no one can really answer this.
Maybe i'm not the best officer around in SAF, but i always talk to my men, and i want to know what they feel or think. I never believe in leadership through fear instilled in them. For things they done for me, are just to ensure they don't get punished and they will never understand the real rationale behind it. I rather be their friend after work, than to be an enemy whom they will avoid every time they see me.
Moving on to the exercise on Thursday, and like i mentioned earlier, it cut only after 9pm. My direct superior, OC, came down to the exercise deployment ground and did a 2 hour leashing on us. There were zero compliments on the job done by our men, instead there were zillions of fault pointed or questioned by him. I'm not saying what he pointed out was pure fishing bones out from eggs, but it got to a point i think he's just criticizing every little thing. And i think to be a good commander, pointing out mistakes for your subordinates to correct is healthy, but when you don't even want to do it in a positive manner and instead just kept complaining and criticizing, how do you expect them to absorb and understand the true rationale? Anyone can do the job of looking at faults, but can everyone guide and teach like a good teacher with patience and proper guidance?
I have to say my OC is someone who has good thoughts and foresight to be able to criticize, but if he could better manage it, i think our company will be better off rather than having the current situation whereby men are against officers. They just feel that hard work is never appreciated yet more work is tasked and more extras given.
Moving out of army issues, the dinner trip to town on v'day was simple and fun. Together in a group of 5, yes, all males, we took a train down to somerset. The moment i stepped out, i saw a gal, and her splitting image of a friend of mine gave me a scare. Sharin if you're reading this, that gal has 90% similarities, just that she's 1 size bigger which eventually gave her out.
So as we were walking around, i was telling my friends how walking around in town during v'day can get ourselves smack right into the face by the zillions petals and millions of flowers on the street. Nevertheless, it seems like there ain't many rich arse out there who got the crazy triple 9 amount of roses for their spouse. Maybe diamonds and cars are more in now.
So we walked aimlessly and end up chewing breads in Subway over at Cine. Quite a good spot to hang out actually. Cause the choke-point of the whole cineplex is just outside the Subway. You just get all the eye-candies moving up and down the escalators. 6 inches bread for v'day, sounds good huh? My friends were saying it's okay for us to be in town even though it's v'day, for that we can just head to fast food and those cheapo areas for our dinner, but guess what? Budget couples are still around, apparently everywhere was pretty crowded.
What happens when 5 guys are out during v'day? With me around, there's always something naughty up my sleeves. So i suggested to pull off the couples' hand, walk close behind couples and deliberately say things like, "Hey, this guy looks familiar, i saw him with another gal last night.". But of cause, that's just too gay to be done. Nothing much happened and we head back to camp in a cab and the female cabbie was friendly and fun to joke with, i asked for chocolates since it's v'day. There's none she can offer, but the fun chat was good enough.
Remember the previous post i had with regards to my friend's blog site, which sells jewelry and stuff? (The-Jewelicious) Apparently her business is picking up and i think she has long passed the 100 dollar mark. And her clients are actually asking for friendster contacts for that they felt good doing business with her. Humans can be really amazing at time ain't it? Some of my friends who bought from her, somewhat befriended her as well. So much about ugly side of humans, this i think clearly shows when you're sincere and nice, people do like it. Maybe it only applies between gals? Guys have egos too big to swallow? You be the judge.
Last note, happy CNY to all Chinese, and thank you to those other ethic race personnel who will be on duty for us. Have a fun festive period ahead. And if i get too bored, you guys would probably see another post from me real soon. Till then.
Every week after i got back from camp, the first few things i'll do straight away without fail, is to log on to the net. Friendster, blogs, msn, emails are just some of the routine must-do stuff. And after that i'll paused and start to observe the changes in the house, last but not least, let the thoughts run wild again. Issues pertaining to what happened over the past week, and also some food of thoughts after viewing some friends' updates.
First and foremost, St. Valentine's day. Somehow that day was rather bad, not particularly for me, but it was a day i think it's best it didn't existed. That Wednesday was the day we had a Connexion Trail, a NE kinda excursion to Temples and Mosques. After it concluded, everyone else in the whole battalion was free to leave, and this includes all the men have nights off, special privilege for Valentine's day, but the only one left were men from my company. The reason was that there's exercise the following day, and thus they have to prepare the stuff required.
Personally i don't see a need for them to do so, even if the preparation is crucial, the least we could do is to let them have the night for their partners once the job is done. Most of them were able to complete the required tasking around 7pm, yet they have to stay behind. Even though i'm an officer, and as much as i wish to let them off, there's nothing much i could do. 2nd Lieutenant is the lowest form of officer and our words don't carry any weight at all. I always wanted to be PC where my men will have all the welfare when they deserve it, yet after i started being a PC, it became crystal clear that there's nothing much i could do for them, and it's
often told to us that it's better to draw a clear line between men and officers.
I never believe in such shit for that even as a cadet, i often get reprimanded for not being able to be harsh when the need arises. I believe in everything our men do, they are doing for our sake, and why should we be so critical and harsh to them even when there isn't a need to. The argument often revolves the fact that when officers are too close to men, they start climbing over our heads and demands more instead of working harder. Until now, i think it's a fair statement, but this shouldn't be the obstacle that deprives them of privileges.
Before i side-track, back to v'day, despite all the men staying back to prep, all the officers book out. This was the guilty part. Myself included, we left the men behind while we had our nights out. Not that i'm on a date or anything, but i just joined few of my fellow officers from other company for a meal in town. While my colleagues in my company went Mambo and came back around 4am.
I got back around 9pm and i went to talk to my men. Without doubt, they felt cheated. Why do officers have privileges like this, and why do they have to stay in while the whole battalion book out and have the night till 2359hrs. Of cause minus the fact that the rest do not have any exercises the following day like them, they felt "jailed" for nothing. My upper study wasn't really into giving them the night off as he felt they don't deserve it. I don't know why he feel that way, but he did wanted to give them night off the following Thursday after the exercise. But guess what? The exercise only cut after 9pm, nights out was never given.
Sometimes i just wonder is it that as an officer, my job is to instill tough disciplines, train them hard, make them suffer during peacetime exercise, so that they will not "die" and get extras when it comes to real Ops or real war? Or that i should try to fight for them on days where they ought to be given some welfare? The grey line is so thin, no one can really answer this.
Maybe i'm not the best officer around in SAF, but i always talk to my men, and i want to know what they feel or think. I never believe in leadership through fear instilled in them. For things they done for me, are just to ensure they don't get punished and they will never understand the real rationale behind it. I rather be their friend after work, than to be an enemy whom they will avoid every time they see me.
Moving on to the exercise on Thursday, and like i mentioned earlier, it cut only after 9pm. My direct superior, OC, came down to the exercise deployment ground and did a 2 hour leashing on us. There were zero compliments on the job done by our men, instead there were zillions of fault pointed or questioned by him. I'm not saying what he pointed out was pure fishing bones out from eggs, but it got to a point i think he's just criticizing every little thing. And i think to be a good commander, pointing out mistakes for your subordinates to correct is healthy, but when you don't even want to do it in a positive manner and instead just kept complaining and criticizing, how do you expect them to absorb and understand the true rationale? Anyone can do the job of looking at faults, but can everyone guide and teach like a good teacher with patience and proper guidance?
I have to say my OC is someone who has good thoughts and foresight to be able to criticize, but if he could better manage it, i think our company will be better off rather than having the current situation whereby men are against officers. They just feel that hard work is never appreciated yet more work is tasked and more extras given.
Moving out of army issues, the dinner trip to town on v'day was simple and fun. Together in a group of 5, yes, all males, we took a train down to somerset. The moment i stepped out, i saw a gal, and her splitting image of a friend of mine gave me a scare. Sharin if you're reading this, that gal has 90% similarities, just that she's 1 size bigger which eventually gave her out.
So as we were walking around, i was telling my friends how walking around in town during v'day can get ourselves smack right into the face by the zillions petals and millions of flowers on the street. Nevertheless, it seems like there ain't many rich arse out there who got the crazy triple 9 amount of roses for their spouse. Maybe diamonds and cars are more in now.
So we walked aimlessly and end up chewing breads in Subway over at Cine. Quite a good spot to hang out actually. Cause the choke-point of the whole cineplex is just outside the Subway. You just get all the eye-candies moving up and down the escalators. 6 inches bread for v'day, sounds good huh? My friends were saying it's okay for us to be in town even though it's v'day, for that we can just head to fast food and those cheapo areas for our dinner, but guess what? Budget couples are still around, apparently everywhere was pretty crowded.
What happens when 5 guys are out during v'day? With me around, there's always something naughty up my sleeves. So i suggested to pull off the couples' hand, walk close behind couples and deliberately say things like, "Hey, this guy looks familiar, i saw him with another gal last night.". But of cause, that's just too gay to be done. Nothing much happened and we head back to camp in a cab and the female cabbie was friendly and fun to joke with, i asked for chocolates since it's v'day. There's none she can offer, but the fun chat was good enough.
Remember the previous post i had with regards to my friend's blog site, which sells jewelry and stuff? (The-Jewelicious) Apparently her business is picking up and i think she has long passed the 100 dollar mark. And her clients are actually asking for friendster contacts for that they felt good doing business with her. Humans can be really amazing at time ain't it? Some of my friends who bought from her, somewhat befriended her as well. So much about ugly side of humans, this i think clearly shows when you're sincere and nice, people do like it. Maybe it only applies between gals? Guys have egos too big to swallow? You be the judge.
Last note, happy CNY to all Chinese, and thank you to those other ethic race personnel who will be on duty for us. Have a fun festive period ahead. And if i get too bored, you guys would probably see another post from me real soon. Till then.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
St. Valentine's Day
Countdown to the big 14 of the year. As many of your reading this do know about the day 14th of Feb, but do you guys know the origins of the day itself? Read more
Anyway, as i accompanied my friends to do some shopping for gifts for the upcoming big day for their partners, i start to realise it's been some time since i really put my heart and mind to doing something or getting something for anyone. So as i'm approached for help by my pals on what to get and stuff, the old me would probably have shelves of ideas and tonnes of creativity up my sleeves, but if you ask me now, i have none to offer.
The only thing i can say is that i'm glad i don't have to worry about v-day, at least not for this year again. Somehow as time goes, i'm more into the heck care mood. Just can't be bother to entertain people. Maybe the old me i'm more proactive when it comes to gals, but as more contacts i have with them, the least i feel there's a need to be always the Santa.
So if you would to ask me now, if i do have a partner, what would i do or get for her on v'day, i must say honestly, the romantic juices in me have already long gone run dry. Get a branded bag, and head to a restuarant perhaps? How gay can that be. Where's the thoughtful, what she fancy, what she likes mentality gone to.
Lately i realised my finance is in real bad shape. I seriously don't know where did my allowance from the army gone to. I haven't been getting anything for myself lately, and the only notable amount i spent is for a friend's birthday. Thought it did just cross the 3 digit mark, it was just one of the only few things i spent on. Every now and then, i realised i'm paying for this and that. I've cut down alot on cabs as compared to cadet days, and instead spend hours on the conventional public transport. Yet apparently, my wallet is just getting thinner by the days.
Maybe i should have a accountant gf in future and make sure that i do save at least 70% of my income. But until then, i should seriously cut down spending on others and end up scratching my head thinking where did the money go to.
Lastly, if you're reading this and has yet to get something for your partner for this coming Wednesday, good luck to you. And by now i'm sure you would know who will be last in your list to ask for ideas. Till then.
Countdown to the big 14 of the year. As many of your reading this do know about the day 14th of Feb, but do you guys know the origins of the day itself? Read more
Anyway, as i accompanied my friends to do some shopping for gifts for the upcoming big day for their partners, i start to realise it's been some time since i really put my heart and mind to doing something or getting something for anyone. So as i'm approached for help by my pals on what to get and stuff, the old me would probably have shelves of ideas and tonnes of creativity up my sleeves, but if you ask me now, i have none to offer.
The only thing i can say is that i'm glad i don't have to worry about v-day, at least not for this year again. Somehow as time goes, i'm more into the heck care mood. Just can't be bother to entertain people. Maybe the old me i'm more proactive when it comes to gals, but as more contacts i have with them, the least i feel there's a need to be always the Santa.
So if you would to ask me now, if i do have a partner, what would i do or get for her on v'day, i must say honestly, the romantic juices in me have already long gone run dry. Get a branded bag, and head to a restuarant perhaps? How gay can that be. Where's the thoughtful, what she fancy, what she likes mentality gone to.
Lately i realised my finance is in real bad shape. I seriously don't know where did my allowance from the army gone to. I haven't been getting anything for myself lately, and the only notable amount i spent is for a friend's birthday. Thought it did just cross the 3 digit mark, it was just one of the only few things i spent on. Every now and then, i realised i'm paying for this and that. I've cut down alot on cabs as compared to cadet days, and instead spend hours on the conventional public transport. Yet apparently, my wallet is just getting thinner by the days.
Maybe i should have a accountant gf in future and make sure that i do save at least 70% of my income. But until then, i should seriously cut down spending on others and end up scratching my head thinking where did the money go to.
Lastly, if you're reading this and has yet to get something for your partner for this coming Wednesday, good luck to you. And by now i'm sure you would know who will be last in your list to ask for ideas. Till then.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Whoever it may concern
There's a million tomorrow and a thousand yesterday, but there's only one today. So sometime we should just look at what we have now instead of worrying too much.
The funny thing about friends is that you look at the way they treat you or talk to you previously, as compared to now, it just makes me wonder whether is there something call constant. Never mind how time changes, how one grows and react differently, all that it seems to me is just all the big fake smile and lies.
Lately i have been chatting alot with my men in army. And i could just feel that they were all so unhappy with us, the commanders, for that things they did will never satisfy us, and we would just demand more from them. Appreciation is the only thing they wanted. Yet simple as it can be, we are never able to provide them that sort of comfort.
Everyone works and thinks differently. I have a direct superior who never gives you a pat on the shoulder for the good work done. Leashing out extras to those who work hard and happened to be caught dozing off. And when you are one of them who got punished, do you still want to be the one working your arse off and yet get the most shit out of it?
Same applies to everything in life. When you start to realise that after doing so much and trying so hard just to make the best out of life, you get cold shoulders and treatment worse than anyone out there, do you think you still want to continuing doing what you think is right? For that what you think is right and good is often challenged by the very fact that the more you do, the least you get, and the least you get, the more you have to do.
The vicious cycle just doesn't justify anything. Worse, you have no one to turn you, despite trying harder and harder, you just get numbed, give up and live just for the sake of living. And at the end of day, you start envying those fortunate ones around you, you slipped into depression and become a pessmistic.
Yet the best your friends could offer is the motherhood statement of being more optimistic and think less. As if it helps. Cause when you're not the party suffering, you never will understood how he/she felt.
Inevitably, there must have thieves and police in this world, and same goes to good and bad guys out there. And of course, there's always the grey area of in between. Humans are so capable of showing multiple sides. Like how i would write all these in blog yet i behave cheerful and easy-going out there. Call it putting up a fake mask or what, i guess i wasn't born and brought up to hate and be a devil, thus despite all the unhappiness, i just try to live through it and end state, i become who i am now, ever so black, ever so gloomy.
There's a million tomorrow and a thousand yesterday, but there's only one today. So sometime we should just look at what we have now instead of worrying too much.
The funny thing about friends is that you look at the way they treat you or talk to you previously, as compared to now, it just makes me wonder whether is there something call constant. Never mind how time changes, how one grows and react differently, all that it seems to me is just all the big fake smile and lies.
Lately i have been chatting alot with my men in army. And i could just feel that they were all so unhappy with us, the commanders, for that things they did will never satisfy us, and we would just demand more from them. Appreciation is the only thing they wanted. Yet simple as it can be, we are never able to provide them that sort of comfort.
Everyone works and thinks differently. I have a direct superior who never gives you a pat on the shoulder for the good work done. Leashing out extras to those who work hard and happened to be caught dozing off. And when you are one of them who got punished, do you still want to be the one working your arse off and yet get the most shit out of it?
Same applies to everything in life. When you start to realise that after doing so much and trying so hard just to make the best out of life, you get cold shoulders and treatment worse than anyone out there, do you think you still want to continuing doing what you think is right? For that what you think is right and good is often challenged by the very fact that the more you do, the least you get, and the least you get, the more you have to do.
The vicious cycle just doesn't justify anything. Worse, you have no one to turn you, despite trying harder and harder, you just get numbed, give up and live just for the sake of living. And at the end of day, you start envying those fortunate ones around you, you slipped into depression and become a pessmistic.
Yet the best your friends could offer is the motherhood statement of being more optimistic and think less. As if it helps. Cause when you're not the party suffering, you never will understood how he/she felt.
Inevitably, there must have thieves and police in this world, and same goes to good and bad guys out there. And of course, there's always the grey area of in between. Humans are so capable of showing multiple sides. Like how i would write all these in blog yet i behave cheerful and easy-going out there. Call it putting up a fake mask or what, i guess i wasn't born and brought up to hate and be a devil, thus despite all the unhappiness, i just try to live through it and end state, i become who i am now, ever so black, ever so gloomy.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Promotions
Click to visit
V'day is coming. Those guys interested in getting something for your love ones, try out this site. And for gals out there, do take a look at the site for some jewelry as well. All items are self-made, which makes it unique only to one. I'm not earning any commission for this site, but do quote me for a better price. You may also submit photos of necklaces or earrings your fancy on magazines and such. They will try to make one for you. Prices are all negotiable.
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