Sick Cycle Carousel

As i started reflecting back on what i've done for the first half of the year, it took me no more than a minute to realise time flies, and i'm losing most of what i should have not. The routine just keeps repeating, over and over again.

Begin the year at Air Force school, hopes of becoming a military pilot, with frequent complaints to my peers about the negative sides of being one, and the irony that i signed the probation contract, with no clear intentions of making it my career.

Moving to Australia for 3 weeks, flew for 7.7hrs, leading a mentally-stressed lifestyle, in a not-so-stressed country. The failure cuts deep into me. Questions raised for that, and i moved back with fond memories. Friendships were made, and lost.

Rank stripped and back to reality. 8 to 5 lifestyle for 2 weeks, papers and dust kept me awake. Experienced the much wanted job as clerk in the armed forces, yet it's not my cup of tea, and the fact that i dreaded it.

New posting, and SAFTI was where i called home next. 3 weeks away from home yet again. Familiar faces greeted me along the weeks, with junior peers surrounding me. Leadership questions put forward to us, trainings get tough, and reality sets in.

Appointments held, scolding received, sweat never goes off and time just keeps running. Outfield, outfield and more outfields came. Tough trainings came like meals while running overtook time allocated for sleep.

Live firings made trainings realistic, yet weapons cleaning makes you think again. The last march on the 21st June, concluding the mastery of sleeping on 2 feet, and ending the 14 weeks of hell.

Despite not many highlights, all above mentioned spanned across 6 months. Weekends and book outs were so precious to us, one would allow making any silly minor mistakes, just to ensure he doesn't end up spending more than required in camp. Other than that, the cycle just keep repeating itself. Entertainment and enjoyment were self-declared.

Home is just like hotel is not even good enough to describe for me at times. Catching some sleep on sofa, pack up and off to camp yet again. Nights off were spent in camp, with the convenience of not having to wake up early, rushing down in a cab, just to get myself back to camp in time.

Time when my phone rings, i'm never sober enough to pick them up. Time when i'm looking to unwind myself, i find myself wandering alone in town. Time when i'm expecting good to come, devils came knocking instead. Time when i have to perform, i find myself struggling to even keep myself afloat. Time to call it quits, i hold back. Time to sleep, i tried not to. And when it's time to rest, i find myself nothing to do, and nothing to lose.

Until the cycle breaks, it just goes on and on.

Till then.