Getting lazy
Today's my off day after 6 days of work. Had a long sleep in fact. Slept around 2am and woke up only after 11am. It's something probably i won't be doing if i'm not working. Usually, i'll only sleep around 5-6am and wake up only around 4-5pm. Work has certainly made me more lazy and tired.
Alright, so much about working, i'm missing out quite some stuff. Haven't be playing Gunbound for quite some time, haven't managed to download my Bleach anime, and of cos, haven't got any chance to catch the 2 movies i'm keen to watch; A Lot Like Love and Initial D. Come to think, the last movie i wanted to catch, Mr and Mrs. Smith, was also left out. Nah, i'm not going to be so thick-skinned to ask you guys here to accompany me to watch them. As usual, i'll just skip them.
In fact, i wanted to go down bookstores today and read up on astrology. But simply too lazy to even step out. And i think some of you guys are surely going to say, "What? bookstores?". Being a typical Gemini, i'm a knowledge seeker, but of cos i'll only read up on the area of topics which i'm interested. Last week, i happened to stumble upon an astrology book, and i'm pretty much keen to read up more on it again.
I was telling my friends, i'm thinking of forfeiting my NUS Bachelor of Computing and apply for Psychology again next year. Majority of them pretty much told me the same thing. And that's not to take up Psychology. Nothing about the course is bad or anything else, just that they all feel that i'm already a mental patient who should seek a psychiatrist.
Alright, just a little bit about my work. Singaporean i must say, "Cmon, be more friendly!". Even my colleague was telling me, nowadays, Singaporeans are getting more and more anti-social. When we play nice and offered our help, instead of asking for help or even a simple, "Its ok.", we are pretty much snobbed at. As if we are speaking to the wall.
And of cos, i'm always wondering, why are there humans who will iterally touch every single piece of the item in store, messed them up and leave. Simply come in, walk a round, messed up and leave. I mean, you see, its prefectly fine for you to come in and just browse through, but you don't really have to like touch every item, dig up all the sizes when you're not even interested to try them not to say purchase it.
There are always nasty people out there, no doubt about it, but sometime we just have to be a little bit more considerate ain't it? Would you want people going your house and mess up all your stuff? Put it this way, try standing in someone's else shoes and you will be less ignorant to stuff.
I've got a web-poll for you guys to vote:
Vote Here
Till then.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Quick update
Its been like almost 2 weeks since my last post. So i'm here just to do a quick update. Alright, for a start, i've got myself a job. Yup, finally i must say. For the past 2 months, i was slacking back at home. Now, i'm starting to feel useful yet again.
I'm currently working at Plaza Singapura under Levi's. NO! Yes, a big no. I'm not entitled to any staff discount or anything for the Levi's product. Shall put this as my 1st note after you guys know i'm working at Levi's. The pay is miserable too. After all, Levi's is under Jay Gee Enterprise, and they are owned by Indians. No offence here, but they tend to be stingy.
And if you guys happened to be around PS between 4-6pm, feel free to drop by and ask me for lunch or dinner. So bored eating alone, and especially that, we have to take turns to eat for most the days. Best of all, if you intend to get Levi's products, drop by PS and i'll be glad to serve you.
For the past 2 weeks, i must say, i'm learning more about the cruel facts of life. And in this earth, you're definitely not alone. What i meant about this is that, just when you thought you are already getting the worst, think again. Someone out there, and even your close friends, they might be even worse off than you.
Another point to note is that, i think i do have some visitors to my blog, and they kept pretty low profile about their visits. Well, no doubt its true that, since i blog, its open to all. Anyone is free to read my posts and of cos to remain silent about it. I hope if you're one who reads, and i'm not aware, just tag on my tagboard if you can.
Not really a compulsory thing to do, and even if i enforce such a silly rule, probably people will just ignore it. But i must say, i hope that whatever you guys read in my blog, just remember that, if you find that some part of my posts are pretty much refering to you, just ignore it. I'm just voicing my thoughts here. Strictly no offence.
Alright, its just minor stuff anyway, so be it.
Taking this opportunity, i would like to express my thanks to my guild mates once again for the gifts. I appreciated that. For that i never felt that i've contributed much or should i say, did anything to deserve such a good treatment. Nevertheless, destiny brought us together and i hope i've done the bare minimal for you guys, and that's to be able to add just a little bit of joy to you or brighten up your rainbows and stars. Those gaming days were memories that are the best prove of things and they speak volumes about it.
Last part, for my colleague Desmond, an interesting guy i must say. I felt like i've found someone who's like me for a moment. Probably you wont be reading this, but I'll try to write a song for your band if its possible. Hope its just as prefect and as touching as your "Jac" which you wrote. Keep rocking.
Alright, probably my next post will be some time later. Just hope everyone is doing well and fine. Stay cheerful and may the force by with you.
Till then.
Its been like almost 2 weeks since my last post. So i'm here just to do a quick update. Alright, for a start, i've got myself a job. Yup, finally i must say. For the past 2 months, i was slacking back at home. Now, i'm starting to feel useful yet again.
I'm currently working at Plaza Singapura under Levi's. NO! Yes, a big no. I'm not entitled to any staff discount or anything for the Levi's product. Shall put this as my 1st note after you guys know i'm working at Levi's. The pay is miserable too. After all, Levi's is under Jay Gee Enterprise, and they are owned by Indians. No offence here, but they tend to be stingy.
And if you guys happened to be around PS between 4-6pm, feel free to drop by and ask me for lunch or dinner. So bored eating alone, and especially that, we have to take turns to eat for most the days. Best of all, if you intend to get Levi's products, drop by PS and i'll be glad to serve you.
For the past 2 weeks, i must say, i'm learning more about the cruel facts of life. And in this earth, you're definitely not alone. What i meant about this is that, just when you thought you are already getting the worst, think again. Someone out there, and even your close friends, they might be even worse off than you.
Another point to note is that, i think i do have some visitors to my blog, and they kept pretty low profile about their visits. Well, no doubt its true that, since i blog, its open to all. Anyone is free to read my posts and of cos to remain silent about it. I hope if you're one who reads, and i'm not aware, just tag on my tagboard if you can.
Not really a compulsory thing to do, and even if i enforce such a silly rule, probably people will just ignore it. But i must say, i hope that whatever you guys read in my blog, just remember that, if you find that some part of my posts are pretty much refering to you, just ignore it. I'm just voicing my thoughts here. Strictly no offence.
Alright, its just minor stuff anyway, so be it.
Taking this opportunity, i would like to express my thanks to my guild mates once again for the gifts. I appreciated that. For that i never felt that i've contributed much or should i say, did anything to deserve such a good treatment. Nevertheless, destiny brought us together and i hope i've done the bare minimal for you guys, and that's to be able to add just a little bit of joy to you or brighten up your rainbows and stars. Those gaming days were memories that are the best prove of things and they speak volumes about it.
Last part, for my colleague Desmond, an interesting guy i must say. I felt like i've found someone who's like me for a moment. Probably you wont be reading this, but I'll try to write a song for your band if its possible. Hope its just as prefect and as touching as your "Jac" which you wrote. Keep rocking.
Alright, probably my next post will be some time later. Just hope everyone is doing well and fine. Stay cheerful and may the force by with you.
Till then.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Just a story
Long long time ago, there's a farm far far away in the galaxy. A farmer keeps some chickens and ducks at his own private small farm. Everyday the farmer will release his chickens and ducks out of their cages for them to wander about. At dawn, he will lock them up again.
There is a chicken and a duck in this small farm, which became good friends after months of playing together. The chicken and duck will be playing and hanging around just to enjoy each other's accompany. Small surprises and gossips are some of the stuff they did. Everyday, they will be expecting each other and they will enjoy themselves to the fullest before they will be lock up back at their own cages at the end of the day.
Things were pretty much the same for them, everyday is a brand new day, filled with tonnes of enjoyment and zero unhappiness. Then came one day, the farmer decides to revamp the small farm. As a result of the renovations, the chickens and ducks were caged up further apart from each other. And the farmers decided to allocate different areas for both the chickens and ducks. They won't be wandering about in the same area anymore.
The changes were pretty much difficult for the chicken and duck to take. But after few days, they made the best of the situation. They will meet up at the fence between the chickens and the ducks and will play and chat like last time, but now, there's this extra fence whichs iterally separates them into 2 different world. The time they could spent with each other was greatly cut down too, after the farmer decides to lock up his keep earlier, simply for the fact he's getting on his age.
One day, the chicken went to meet up with the duck just like any other days. The big difference that day was that, she never put on a single smile for the whole day. The duck noticed it and asked her if something has happened. The chicken didn't want to bother the duck and thus she said to him, "You're just a duck, you will never know. I'll be fine."
The duck know something is definitely not right and wanted to cheer her up. But upon hearing what the chicken said to him, he didn't want to make the matter worse, and thus he did the next best thing, by dropping the topic and start teasing the chicken, hoping she will smile again. The chicken had some grins, but the smile wasn't that genuine anymore.
When its time for them to return back to their own cages again, the chicken mood was down again and she walked back sulking just like earlier in the day when she met up the duck. The duck asked the chicken once again before they left, and she simply replied, "I'm really ok."
Over the night, the duck feel pretty useless for not being able to help the chicken. Thus he went to approach the farmer. He asked the farmer how can he be a chicken. The farmer wasn't in the best of mood, and he said to the duck, "What? Be a chicken? Sure you can, be my next slaughter, and you shall be reincarnated as a chicken."
Even though the duck knew its not likely to happen, without any hesitation, he offered himself for the next slaughter. He bid farewell to his buddies and left a note for the chicken.
Days passed, and chicken was puzzled by the fact why the duck hasn't meet her up at the fence where they will spend the rest of the time together for almost a week now. Thus she decides to ask the duck's best friend for his whereabouts.
"That stupid duck wanted to be a chicken and offered itself in the slaugher." his buddy said to the chicken.
"Omg! He don't have to be a chicken to understand me. Why did he do silly thing again.." Before the chicken continue further, the duck's buddy passed her a letter left by him.
It reads, "Chickie, probably i'll never be able to help you since i'm different like what you have said to me. Thus i tried the impossible, hoping that it just might work. Even if it doesn't, i just hope that you will be able to keep your faith, to attempt all the possible slightest of chances, and ensure that things will work out too. Remember you will never walk alone."
Weeks passed..
The number of ducks in the farm were decreasing at quite a rate. The farmer decided to get more chickens to increase the counts. And due to the lack of buyers for ducks, the farmer decides to concentrate on chickens as his keep now. The fence which used to separate the chicken and duck apart, was torn down to accommodate more chickens brought in.
The chicken stood at the spot where the fence used to stand and tears can't help rolling down her cheeks. A chicken came up to her and said, "Now that duckie is a chicken, will he be able to see the lovely chickie's smile which melted his cold heart and kept him smiling for the past few months?"
The chicken looked up at the new "duckie" upon hearing the familar voice...
What greeted her were the same pair of bright eyes. It's the familar eyes and voice, which kept her company for the past few months. The chicken could not hide her joy, broke into tears, gave the duckie a huge smile and said, "Why did you do such a foolish thing?"
"Well, for what i've done, i've managed to see the smile which was missing for the past few weeks and it's great to see it again.", said the duck with a big smile too.
============================================
This story was written and dedicated by me to a friend of mine. If you're reading this, hope you're better now. This version is the edited one. No one know what exactly happened to the chicken that made her down, or was she even sad at all. Probably one day the duck will eventually know what happened to the chicken. But nonetheless, hope this story inspires you and remember, you will never walk alone.
Just when you thought the world has given up on you, think again. Every single star in the sky shines for one. The shiniest star is the one you keep dearest to you. Never lose the faith that it will not shine again. If there's ever a day, you can't find your shiniest star up in the sky anymore, don't freak out, cos it's just that it has gone somewhere else, just to guide you secretly, just to see you happy and just to see the lovely smile of yours.
till then.
Long long time ago, there's a farm far far away in the galaxy. A farmer keeps some chickens and ducks at his own private small farm. Everyday the farmer will release his chickens and ducks out of their cages for them to wander about. At dawn, he will lock them up again.
There is a chicken and a duck in this small farm, which became good friends after months of playing together. The chicken and duck will be playing and hanging around just to enjoy each other's accompany. Small surprises and gossips are some of the stuff they did. Everyday, they will be expecting each other and they will enjoy themselves to the fullest before they will be lock up back at their own cages at the end of the day.
Things were pretty much the same for them, everyday is a brand new day, filled with tonnes of enjoyment and zero unhappiness. Then came one day, the farmer decides to revamp the small farm. As a result of the renovations, the chickens and ducks were caged up further apart from each other. And the farmers decided to allocate different areas for both the chickens and ducks. They won't be wandering about in the same area anymore.
The changes were pretty much difficult for the chicken and duck to take. But after few days, they made the best of the situation. They will meet up at the fence between the chickens and the ducks and will play and chat like last time, but now, there's this extra fence whichs iterally separates them into 2 different world. The time they could spent with each other was greatly cut down too, after the farmer decides to lock up his keep earlier, simply for the fact he's getting on his age.
One day, the chicken went to meet up with the duck just like any other days. The big difference that day was that, she never put on a single smile for the whole day. The duck noticed it and asked her if something has happened. The chicken didn't want to bother the duck and thus she said to him, "You're just a duck, you will never know. I'll be fine."
The duck know something is definitely not right and wanted to cheer her up. But upon hearing what the chicken said to him, he didn't want to make the matter worse, and thus he did the next best thing, by dropping the topic and start teasing the chicken, hoping she will smile again. The chicken had some grins, but the smile wasn't that genuine anymore.
When its time for them to return back to their own cages again, the chicken mood was down again and she walked back sulking just like earlier in the day when she met up the duck. The duck asked the chicken once again before they left, and she simply replied, "I'm really ok."
Over the night, the duck feel pretty useless for not being able to help the chicken. Thus he went to approach the farmer. He asked the farmer how can he be a chicken. The farmer wasn't in the best of mood, and he said to the duck, "What? Be a chicken? Sure you can, be my next slaughter, and you shall be reincarnated as a chicken."
Even though the duck knew its not likely to happen, without any hesitation, he offered himself for the next slaughter. He bid farewell to his buddies and left a note for the chicken.
Days passed, and chicken was puzzled by the fact why the duck hasn't meet her up at the fence where they will spend the rest of the time together for almost a week now. Thus she decides to ask the duck's best friend for his whereabouts.
"That stupid duck wanted to be a chicken and offered itself in the slaugher." his buddy said to the chicken.
"Omg! He don't have to be a chicken to understand me. Why did he do silly thing again.." Before the chicken continue further, the duck's buddy passed her a letter left by him.
It reads, "Chickie, probably i'll never be able to help you since i'm different like what you have said to me. Thus i tried the impossible, hoping that it just might work. Even if it doesn't, i just hope that you will be able to keep your faith, to attempt all the possible slightest of chances, and ensure that things will work out too. Remember you will never walk alone."
Weeks passed..
The number of ducks in the farm were decreasing at quite a rate. The farmer decided to get more chickens to increase the counts. And due to the lack of buyers for ducks, the farmer decides to concentrate on chickens as his keep now. The fence which used to separate the chicken and duck apart, was torn down to accommodate more chickens brought in.
The chicken stood at the spot where the fence used to stand and tears can't help rolling down her cheeks. A chicken came up to her and said, "Now that duckie is a chicken, will he be able to see the lovely chickie's smile which melted his cold heart and kept him smiling for the past few months?"
The chicken looked up at the new "duckie" upon hearing the familar voice...
What greeted her were the same pair of bright eyes. It's the familar eyes and voice, which kept her company for the past few months. The chicken could not hide her joy, broke into tears, gave the duckie a huge smile and said, "Why did you do such a foolish thing?"
"Well, for what i've done, i've managed to see the smile which was missing for the past few weeks and it's great to see it again.", said the duck with a big smile too.
============================================
This story was written and dedicated by me to a friend of mine. If you're reading this, hope you're better now. This version is the edited one. No one know what exactly happened to the chicken that made her down, or was she even sad at all. Probably one day the duck will eventually know what happened to the chicken. But nonetheless, hope this story inspires you and remember, you will never walk alone.
Just when you thought the world has given up on you, think again. Every single star in the sky shines for one. The shiniest star is the one you keep dearest to you. Never lose the faith that it will not shine again. If there's ever a day, you can't find your shiniest star up in the sky anymore, don't freak out, cos it's just that it has gone somewhere else, just to guide you secretly, just to see you happy and just to see the lovely smile of yours.
till then.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Who is to define what?
yesterday, my friend asked me something. "Is there really a person out there with zero motives for what's done for others?" take note of the word 'zero' used in the sentence, and i felt probably its never the case. for one who lives this world, we are already pretty much borned to be selfish in nature. and to really have sub-zero motives for everything that we had done. i doubt anyone here will be brave or should i say, qualified enough to say, "Yes, i am one."
so my friend asked again, "Are only those born with lower IQs naive enough not to be schemeful towards humans and stuff?" i won't want to be stereotyping them here, but i felt high chance that they will be pretty skeptical about having undesirable plots in their minds. they live in a more simple life, happy-go-lucky is probably their only thought in mind towards each brand new day.
had some thoughts about it, and i feel that its pretty much impossible to expect how one will behaves, how sincere one really is. and then again, who is to say who and what is right or wrong? sometimes we just have to live the way it is and forget about stressing yourself with "Is he up to no good?", "Am i being used?".
i think i'll leave the rest for you guys to ponder about. i realised i hardly practice what i preached. guess i'll have to be less critical too.
till then.
yesterday, my friend asked me something. "Is there really a person out there with zero motives for what's done for others?" take note of the word 'zero' used in the sentence, and i felt probably its never the case. for one who lives this world, we are already pretty much borned to be selfish in nature. and to really have sub-zero motives for everything that we had done. i doubt anyone here will be brave or should i say, qualified enough to say, "Yes, i am one."
so my friend asked again, "Are only those born with lower IQs naive enough not to be schemeful towards humans and stuff?" i won't want to be stereotyping them here, but i felt high chance that they will be pretty skeptical about having undesirable plots in their minds. they live in a more simple life, happy-go-lucky is probably their only thought in mind towards each brand new day.
had some thoughts about it, and i feel that its pretty much impossible to expect how one will behaves, how sincere one really is. and then again, who is to say who and what is right or wrong? sometimes we just have to live the way it is and forget about stressing yourself with "Is he up to no good?", "Am i being used?".
i think i'll leave the rest for you guys to ponder about. i realised i hardly practice what i preached. guess i'll have to be less critical too.
till then.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
New template
i realised my old template is not working anymore. the pictures were all gone and i reckon its because the designer of the template has removed them. and strictly speaking, i should be hosting the pictures myself, instead of doing a direct link back. so much about bandwidth stealing.
whatever the case, here's the new template. not that fanciful, and most of my links in my old templates are pretty much gone too. primary reason is that this new template is pretty small and squeezed up. hope its pleasant looking enough, considering this is the only template i've changed since a year ago.
let me do some updates. just celebrated my birthday 2 days back. it was definitely a fun interesting night out. i'll skip the details here, for which its something that words ain't good enough to describe it. nonetheless, i'm glad that i've got pretty many well wishes from 15 over friends. its something not usual to have, but thanks again to those who did.
managed to recieve a bike model as my birthday present. thanks again. ;) and as usual, i spent 7hours to get it done. its now standing beside the rest of its compatriots. just wondering when i reach 60, will i be having at least 60 models? but its definitely something nice as a hobby. hope my collection will grow along the way.
and today, its my brother's birthday, "happy birthday!". i realised i have close to 12 friends who are all june babies. interesting figures. seems like june is a hot month to be born in? for those who are june babies and is reading this, happy birthday to ya in advance or for those who already celebrated theirs; happy belated birthday.
lastly, for those who just book in yesterday to army, hope they will be doing well in camp. probably they won't be able to see this, nonetheless, may the force be with them.
till then.
i realised my old template is not working anymore. the pictures were all gone and i reckon its because the designer of the template has removed them. and strictly speaking, i should be hosting the pictures myself, instead of doing a direct link back. so much about bandwidth stealing.
whatever the case, here's the new template. not that fanciful, and most of my links in my old templates are pretty much gone too. primary reason is that this new template is pretty small and squeezed up. hope its pleasant looking enough, considering this is the only template i've changed since a year ago.
let me do some updates. just celebrated my birthday 2 days back. it was definitely a fun interesting night out. i'll skip the details here, for which its something that words ain't good enough to describe it. nonetheless, i'm glad that i've got pretty many well wishes from 15 over friends. its something not usual to have, but thanks again to those who did.
managed to recieve a bike model as my birthday present. thanks again. ;) and as usual, i spent 7hours to get it done. its now standing beside the rest of its compatriots. just wondering when i reach 60, will i be having at least 60 models? but its definitely something nice as a hobby. hope my collection will grow along the way.
and today, its my brother's birthday, "happy birthday!". i realised i have close to 12 friends who are all june babies. interesting figures. seems like june is a hot month to be born in? for those who are june babies and is reading this, happy birthday to ya in advance or for those who already celebrated theirs; happy belated birthday.
lastly, for those who just book in yesterday to army, hope they will be doing well in camp. probably they won't be able to see this, nonetheless, may the force be with them.
till then.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Whining again.
3rd June.. i realised i'm not doing anything constructive for the
last 2 months. seriously, i'm starting to dislike the lifestyle i'm
in now. my friend was telling me something about what my ex-classmate
felt about me. from a nice pleasant guy, to someone whom people can
only shake their heads when being asked about me.
i started looking back. even though is not something worth doing so.
cos what is done is done. but after i did some recap, i realised, i
have really change alot. to the certain extend that when i look at
myself in the mirror, i felt distant about the reflection i saw.
who am i now?
i was told, i look arrogant, snobbish, guy with a heck-care attitude,
can't be bother with things, lives in a world thinking that even if
you're gone, there is always someone else, cold, stay-away from me
look... etc.. all the negative aspects. so now, should i be bothered
by it? or should i just live my own life? i don't know now.
i always thought that whenever someone appoarches me for help, i
always do my best. i never snob at you cos you're inferior than me.
just because, i'm not like those guys, who will always crack lame
jokes, flooding you with all the sweet talks, drives big cars, born
with silver spoon, model looks, i'm pretty much at a losing end.
yea, i know, you guys are going to say, "well, all that doesn't
really matters. most important is the character..." ok, enough about
this issue, its almost the same as chicken and egg, there's never an
ending to it.
so what's my point? look, i'm just a human, why do i have such a high
standard that i have to follow? quoting back a phrase i posted last
time, it says, "never try to impress someone, for that you will have
to maintain the standard for the rest of your life". so now, are the
standards all set by myself? for that i tried to be nice at the wrong
time, and i can tell you, its not just once or twice, its umpteen
times. at the end of the day, what do i get?
i saw a phrase somewhere, it says, "kindness and loyalty will only be
mocked at 90% of the time. only one will truly appreciates you." you
know what? i've kinda given up on that hope of; one truly appreciate me.
in short, what i'm going to hope now is that, today i might treat you
like an angel, doing all the things for you, but remember, they come
with price tags and that's sacrificing my own interest.
its way perfectly fine for you not to appreciate the stupid things i
did, or they might even seemed too small an effort to be notice by you,
but at the end of the day, if i'm just one of your jokes for discussions,
and i managed to make you smile for a sec or two, i suppose that's the
best of the worst i can ever get.
i'm not trying to enforce something here, nor i'm doing some whining.
yes, the posts i made are all pessmistic posts. the comments i made
seemed like the whole world is against me. you must be thinking about
these in your heart, "are things that bad?", "are you ok?", "is
something bothering you?", "are you sick?".
ok, i solemnly declare that i'm in a perfect state of mind, and i'm
doing fine. i do think a lot at times, so much that i get headaches
just like some common flu. i'm not sick, nor i'm trying to seek
attention. i'm also not here to make you guys treat me better or
anything. and definitely, i'm not one who in the worst of shape.
i'm way too fortunate compared to many.
the point that i wish to get across is that, for one, he might think
that being nice is good. for another, he might just want to have a
friend who is always ever nice to you. but for the either, please
remember, nothing is free in this world, your happiness is often
buried on top of someone's else saddness. so the next time you start
cursing one, think. the next time you take people's kind acts for
granted, think. the next time you start harbouring paybacks for
what you have put forth, think.
lastly, to all those who have asked me to be nice selectively,
not to do stupid things, stay cheerful, be more optimistic, do
things you like, don't brood over the past. i have to say, thank
you. but, i may be a pretty good listener and advisor to you, i'm
pretty much emotionally attached when the time comes again.
6 billions of population in the world. who am i, and how am i going
to make a huge impact of what people perceives. and why am i so
keen to make everyone think more? can't i just leave everyone alone.
just shut up, move on, get a life. for the fact that i've only seen
like only 1/4 of the cruel world?
you know, everytime i look back, i always see the brighter side of
my friends in the past. as the time passed, it often gets grey, and
eventually turns total black. i'm refering to the way they spoke to
me, the way they ask me for favours, the appreciation shown, the
enthusiasm.. all these, they never fail to fade away. and often,
i wonder why.
is it a sign of taking things for granted? i don't know. and are
those "please", "thank you" so important to me?
i think its more like when you woke up one day, you realised the air
is no longer around, you can't breathe anymore and you fought hard
even with your dearest siblings, your loved ones, just for that
small tank of oxygen.
i'm getting long-winded here again. sad to say, i'm who i am, and
since i can't change the fact, i'll probably have to do things to
enrich it. may it be doing silly things, or what-so-ever, having a
clear conscious is all that matters.
maybe i do have a big ego too hard to swallow. maybe i have simply
rejected the thinking that i should be less skeptical towards the
things around me. sad to say, jeri is not someone whom you should
associate with. friends who saddens you more, often are pretty much
not worth keeping. but if you do keep one at your heart. i'm happy
to say, you're a noble person. may the force be with you.
stupidity is just simply embedded in me.
contradicting is the way of life for me.
till then.
3rd June.. i realised i'm not doing anything constructive for the
last 2 months. seriously, i'm starting to dislike the lifestyle i'm
in now. my friend was telling me something about what my ex-classmate
felt about me. from a nice pleasant guy, to someone whom people can
only shake their heads when being asked about me.
i started looking back. even though is not something worth doing so.
cos what is done is done. but after i did some recap, i realised, i
have really change alot. to the certain extend that when i look at
myself in the mirror, i felt distant about the reflection i saw.
who am i now?
i was told, i look arrogant, snobbish, guy with a heck-care attitude,
can't be bother with things, lives in a world thinking that even if
you're gone, there is always someone else, cold, stay-away from me
look... etc.. all the negative aspects. so now, should i be bothered
by it? or should i just live my own life? i don't know now.
i always thought that whenever someone appoarches me for help, i
always do my best. i never snob at you cos you're inferior than me.
just because, i'm not like those guys, who will always crack lame
jokes, flooding you with all the sweet talks, drives big cars, born
with silver spoon, model looks, i'm pretty much at a losing end.
yea, i know, you guys are going to say, "well, all that doesn't
really matters. most important is the character..." ok, enough about
this issue, its almost the same as chicken and egg, there's never an
ending to it.
so what's my point? look, i'm just a human, why do i have such a high
standard that i have to follow? quoting back a phrase i posted last
time, it says, "never try to impress someone, for that you will have
to maintain the standard for the rest of your life". so now, are the
standards all set by myself? for that i tried to be nice at the wrong
time, and i can tell you, its not just once or twice, its umpteen
times. at the end of the day, what do i get?
i saw a phrase somewhere, it says, "kindness and loyalty will only be
mocked at 90% of the time. only one will truly appreciates you." you
know what? i've kinda given up on that hope of; one truly appreciate me.
in short, what i'm going to hope now is that, today i might treat you
like an angel, doing all the things for you, but remember, they come
with price tags and that's sacrificing my own interest.
its way perfectly fine for you not to appreciate the stupid things i
did, or they might even seemed too small an effort to be notice by you,
but at the end of the day, if i'm just one of your jokes for discussions,
and i managed to make you smile for a sec or two, i suppose that's the
best of the worst i can ever get.
i'm not trying to enforce something here, nor i'm doing some whining.
yes, the posts i made are all pessmistic posts. the comments i made
seemed like the whole world is against me. you must be thinking about
these in your heart, "are things that bad?", "are you ok?", "is
something bothering you?", "are you sick?".
ok, i solemnly declare that i'm in a perfect state of mind, and i'm
doing fine. i do think a lot at times, so much that i get headaches
just like some common flu. i'm not sick, nor i'm trying to seek
attention. i'm also not here to make you guys treat me better or
anything. and definitely, i'm not one who in the worst of shape.
i'm way too fortunate compared to many.
the point that i wish to get across is that, for one, he might think
that being nice is good. for another, he might just want to have a
friend who is always ever nice to you. but for the either, please
remember, nothing is free in this world, your happiness is often
buried on top of someone's else saddness. so the next time you start
cursing one, think. the next time you take people's kind acts for
granted, think. the next time you start harbouring paybacks for
what you have put forth, think.
lastly, to all those who have asked me to be nice selectively,
not to do stupid things, stay cheerful, be more optimistic, do
things you like, don't brood over the past. i have to say, thank
you. but, i may be a pretty good listener and advisor to you, i'm
pretty much emotionally attached when the time comes again.
6 billions of population in the world. who am i, and how am i going
to make a huge impact of what people perceives. and why am i so
keen to make everyone think more? can't i just leave everyone alone.
just shut up, move on, get a life. for the fact that i've only seen
like only 1/4 of the cruel world?
you know, everytime i look back, i always see the brighter side of
my friends in the past. as the time passed, it often gets grey, and
eventually turns total black. i'm refering to the way they spoke to
me, the way they ask me for favours, the appreciation shown, the
enthusiasm.. all these, they never fail to fade away. and often,
i wonder why.
is it a sign of taking things for granted? i don't know. and are
those "please", "thank you" so important to me?
i think its more like when you woke up one day, you realised the air
is no longer around, you can't breathe anymore and you fought hard
even with your dearest siblings, your loved ones, just for that
small tank of oxygen.
i'm getting long-winded here again. sad to say, i'm who i am, and
since i can't change the fact, i'll probably have to do things to
enrich it. may it be doing silly things, or what-so-ever, having a
clear conscious is all that matters.
maybe i do have a big ego too hard to swallow. maybe i have simply
rejected the thinking that i should be less skeptical towards the
things around me. sad to say, jeri is not someone whom you should
associate with. friends who saddens you more, often are pretty much
not worth keeping. but if you do keep one at your heart. i'm happy
to say, you're a noble person. may the force be with you.
stupidity is just simply embedded in me.
contradicting is the way of life for me.
till then.
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