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A: Do you believe in past life?

J: No, Ma'dam.

-Silence-

J: Cause i'm just trying to make it through this one.

Enjoy

Still trying how to make that word works wonder. Just merely a week into my appointment, i'm tasked to be conducting and safety officer for some upcoming live firing and battalion run. The positive thing to look at it would be the experience gain while conducting such events. Like it or not, officers are suppose to make things happen, whether it's within our abilities or not, we just have to suck it up.

And to add salt to the already so badly inflicted wound, i see my fellow officers leaving the camp way earlier than me. I see them waving goodbye to me at 2pm, while i got home with an empty stomach at 8pm. But then, it's never a good thing to compare, and since i'm the only 1 out of 11 who volunteered to be in the company i wanted to be, i guess i should have already prepared myself to all these.

Maybe as an officer, i shouldn't be even harbouring all these negative complaints, not to mention whining about them now. But trust me, the shit an officer gets, is never justifiable. So as i sat in the so-called platoon office, with no proper setting of an office layout, i see men coming in and out of the office, asking for Off from my seniors.

One by one they came in, and one by one they left the room with a Off-pass signed. Apparently a couple of them managed to get Off on Monday. I'm not saying what they did were wrong, nor they were trying to malinger, for the very fact that they were just using their hard-earned off days awarded to them. And if i know there isn't anything much for me to do coming next week, why not just use them before it gets forfeited. So that's how simple things work over at their side.

As for officers, we don't have off days, we don't book out until all the men has left, and we are obliged to come for meetings anytime, any day, any place and any attire. Just a short comparison from different perspectives. Been there as a men, done it as a commander. All that i wish to highlight is that, the more we see, the more we do, the more we learn. End state, you just have to make the best out of everything. I guess this is the rule number 1 to the way of life.

So moving away from the never-ending talk about army, i just hope to have more activities during weekends. I do know of friends who can be contented just staying home all day, and of cause those who hardly stays home, and their houses are just merely as a pit stop to bathe and change to a fresh outfit. I'm sure everyone on some days would fall under either the former or the latter, and vice versa on other days.

But like what my friend said, i shouldn't be so 'cheap' to keep asking people out, especially those who are never free when they have their own programs, and when they don't, they will pester you all out just to make you accompany them. FUCK you man! I'm not your social escort.

Let's see if anyone would ask me out. You fill in the blanks.

Lastly, to those guys who just don't know how to appreciate, why get yourself a gf in the first place and end up hurting them? I know, because when you're single, you yearned for someone, and when you got them, the need to keep or humour them is no longer necessary. Just like how much effort a lady will take to consider and save up just for a stupid branded handbag or purse, but how much effort do she bother to preserve the condition of it or how often does she use it, for that she never seems to find an appropriate occasion to carry it around.

48hours and it's back to camp again. Until then, the sick cycle just repeats itself.

Till then.

Simple life

With great power comes greater responsibilities. You would probably hear this catch phrase again come this May.

So what's with this line. After getting drunk and puked on Thursday night, not forgetting the 4 hours turnout during the wee hours, i'm officially a Platoon Commander for 3 Signal Battalion. You would probably be able to catch me queueing up at Boon Lay interchange every Monday morning starting tomorrow, destination Jurong Camp. Thank god i'm heading NUS this coming August, else i would be doing this for 4 years if i got into NTU.

Somehow i managed to get what i wanted for my appointment. Networking Platoon Commander that is. Most relevant to what i've been doing for my 3 years diploma, and what i'll be doing next 3 years in NUS, lastly maybe for the next 30 years or so in my career.

For the next few months, i foresee myself pretty much occupied with army. That explains my usage of the famous Spiderman quote. It may sound real bad or whatsoever, but i'm starting to see the cons of being an officer. You carry so much on your shoulders, you have to be on your toes all the time. You are responsible for so many stuff, you just wonder when is the day you make the fatal mistake. And it's not just about stripping of rank and be demoted, it could mean someone died due to my negligence or be jailed for making serious offences.

I hope to get early release for my August school term, and in the meantime, i just hope to learn as much as i could as a Platoon Commander, have fun with my men (not to mention Derrick, Wei Jian from Season 1 Superstar is under my charge), and hopefully take away what i learn and apply it for future use, especially so since i'm in networking.

Last note, if you're reading this, maybe you should stop doing so. Till then.

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I hate my new unit, i hate my lifestyle, i hate my friends, and i hate myself. No complaints, no ranting, no whinnings. In short, just fuck off.

So i guess it's easy to understand that once i start heck caring stuff, i would be better off. Why bother to help, why bother to entertain, why bother to even worry about others. Cause when the table is turned around. NO ONE GIVES A FUCK. So be it.

10 Things I Don't Want to

I don't want to sleep early, for i know i would be wasting my life away when i wake up with time in hand, yet nothing in mind to do with.

I don't want to chat with you in msn, for i don't want to know when, where, what and who you were out with, for it's never going to be me.

I don't want to go out, for everywhere i go, i see couples except me.

I don't want to ask my friends out, for they never seem to be free, with 1001 excuses thrown at me.

I don't want to know what my friends are thinking, for they never fail to surprise me.

I don't want to reject help, for i hope to get one in time of need, but it was never meant to be.

I don't want to be a bastard, for it's destroying the lives of many, yet it is the way of life for many.

I don't want to be a pessimist, for it's self destruction, yet my life turns out to be what it is.

I don't want to ask for something, for it would be something someone who will fulfils it at all costs, without me appreciating it.

Lastly, i don't want to be nice, for everyone is trying to be, you just wonder who's faking Mr Nice-to-be and you never even realise who i am, for who i am hates who i used to be.