lost

time now 2:34am...
still not slping yet...
haiz..
recently quite a no. of things happened...
how it goes abt..
is a long story..
so much tt i dunno wad am i doing now..
i getting lost in the thick jungle..
getting nowhere..
wad i wan seems diff to archieve..
wad i hate to see..
seems to be happening all the time..

life seems to reach a pt of saturation..
its full of everything..
but lack of most things..
dun even noe wad i'm toking now..

let's tok abt happiness..
ok.. those reading tis..
tell mi how many of u all hav wad u tink is true happiness?
and how u gonna define happiness?
by going thru the same routine over and over again?
tt's happiness?
or the happy things u hope to see everyday?

or seeing some1 happy is happiness?
or seeing some1 showing concern to u?

to mi all is the same..
things u dun see and u dunno is true happiness..
some things cant be force.. juz like frenship, love, etc.
well.. u can fight 4 it...
but at the end of the day..

u ask urself tis.. who r u fighting 4?
urself?
ur fren?
ur love?
or juz fighting for the sake of fighting..
or simply becos life is too short?
and u got to live it up to every moment?

btw.. if u happened to read tis.. u shld feel lost..
cos i'm in tt situation rite now...
wad am i doing now?
wad am i tinking now?

haiz..
aft 18yrs.. i seen thru many.. so much tt i begin to fear..
tis world is so scary..
the 1 next to u rite now could be ur greatest enemy..
the 1 next to u could be ur worst love..
but the logic is simple..
no1 likes to noe the truth..
we prefer nice words..
we rather hide fr the truth den to face the music..
we, human r the world most notoriest animal..

well.. as 4 my life.. i tink i hav gone thru many shit..
so much so tt.. maybe i'm numbed..
my life is hardly under my controlled..
i had to turn the direction i'm instructed..
juz when i tot i finally saw a ray of hope..
it's gone 4ever..
my life is back to the same..

tink i'm tinking too much at tis pt.. got to stop..
haiz...
i'm lost...

loner...

time now 4:11am...
haiz.. can't slp.. still tinking abt the class probs..
haiz.. so sian.. aft some tots.. i tink the best 4 mi..
is to leave my current grp.. u all may tink otherwise..
but i tink tt's the fairest.. i'm ok wit leaving my current
grp.. and the reason is as simple.. to be fair to all..

some may tink i'm stupid.. ya.. damn rite.. i am..
i oso wad i did tis is 4 wad.. u might even hav a better
reason den i do.. but even if i leave le.. i tink life will
go on.. i'm not a god.. i juz 1 to play my role in life can le..

since i cant satisfied both sides.. i shall not take any of the
side anymore.. tt's the fairest.. but of cos as classmates..
if u appoarched mi.. i sure help u all..

case now is closed.. and tt's final..

i go stoning.. nitez..

haiz..

dunno y... the class suddenly changed...
fr bad to worse..
i dunno wad to say...
i'm oso involved in it...
and i tink i'm oso in the wrong..
dunno wad to type le...
haiz..

now wad?

yst went out wit classmates..
although i shouldn't have post it here...
cos it's 4 public to all..
but i juz hope those reading tis..
to noe tt its really diff to understand pple..

i started to gel wit the so called 'out-cast' grp..
but not all them.. 2 of them only..
and the other 2 gals in the 'out-cast' grp started to
show their unhappiness..

as i becomes more close to the 2.. the other 2 start
to become veri suspicous of them... tinkin tt..
maybe 1 fine day.. they will betray them or wad..
tis is wad i feel.. although it may seems more than tt..

i dunno wad or how they feel...
but fr my pt of view..
maybe they shld reflect on why..
now they are the onli 2 left out fr e class..
the reasons are simple and clear..

stop ur BITCHYNESS~~~
damn it man..
i dunno y u can say nasty things to a person..
reagardless of whether he/she deserves it..
who are u to make judgment 4 pple?

and ur words r like thorns tt can kill..
so y r u doing tis? u feel gd when u say pple
till they shut off? cos they go nthing or wad so
ever to defend themselves..
u tink they feel gd? try tt on urself...

and u will noe..

instead of blaming ur clique tt they r betraying
u.. cos they become close wit the rest of e class..
y dun u wake up ur senses?

ok.. tis is fr my pt of view.. wad i say may be biased
to u in anyway.. but if it is so.. y cant u make an effort
to gel to e class.. or find out and correct ur actions?

u maybe rite in ur stand.. but by compromising a little..
e class will be better a environment where all r united..
all will be happy.. dun u tink its better?

and now...
wad?
maybe i shld stop being too close the 2.. so tt they wont
have to spend time explainin to the 2 gals.. y they r
neglecting them..

maybe we shld leave it back to the same...
to tt time.. where there are 2 distinct grps tt are r
fierce enemies..

u tell mi...

alys mi...

haiz.. finally clear my presentation and quiz le..
but these few days was veri shitty 4 mi..
my team members were slacking..
and i did the most work.. i spend mi whole sun
doing the proj fr 1pm.. till 4am.. the report..
the ppt.. and i was reprimanded for mistakes
in the report.. wad i do is alys wrong de..

i help them do so much.. and i din even say a
shit lo.. den they like dun appreciate it..
den alys looking to pin-pt mi abt mine mistakes..
den today hav the presentation..
got a gal fr another grp was like asking my grp
to present 1st.. i was fine wit tt.. but my grp dun
1 to go 1st.. den she like keep tellin mi to go 1st..
say she wasn't joking.. but does she noe tt its
no mi tt i dun 1 to go 1st? but end up i get all the
shit..

the worset thing is tt.. even aft u do the whole proj
le.. the members can't even bothered to look at it..
and correct it.. if there are any mistakes.. aft we
allocated e parts 4 presentation.. they den go
focus on their own stuff.. the ppt i do fr page 1 to 26...
all done by mi.. den when i was doin it till morning..
they ald start studying on the quiz.. which i din even
had a chance to do touch a shit abt it.. when we meet
up.. they were like all doing they own things.. cant
even bother to tell mi wad the 1 to put in the ppt...
everything i do.. haiz.

finally its all over...
i dont mind doing all the hard work...
but when u do so much 4 the grp..
and they dun appreciated..
the feeling is indescribable..
its like i do 4 myself onli..
but no lo.. i'm doing 4 the whole grp lo...
some other grps.. when their member din do anything..
they dun even 1 them to present.. they all 1 them to
die..

but i din cos i dun 1 to see my them repeat lo..
but do they noe my effort? they dun....
i HATE SCH!

joke of the day...

3 men went to a hiking trip..
they were caught be a cannibal half way..
the cannibal told them to find a type of fruit..
den bring 10 of it back..

the 3 men went into the forest searchin..
aft 10 mins.. man A came back..
he brought back 10 apples..
the cannibal ask him to stuff the apples..
into his ass..
and if he was to cry or laugh..
he will be killed..
so A started stuffing..
at the 6th apple..
he couldn't take it..
he cried..
so he was killed....

10mins later..
man B returned..
he brought back 10 grapes..
so he was instruct to do the same..
he almost did it..
but at the 9th grape..
he laughed..
so he was oso killed..

den at the heaven.. A ask B y he was
killed when he onli need to stuff grapes..

B ans A..
"C come running back wit durians..."