Oxford Dictionary's latest definition

Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following
words:

* Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

* Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with
fire at one end & a fool on the other.

* Lecture: An art of transferring information from the
notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through "the minds of either"

*Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by
the number present.

* Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way
that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

* Conference Room: A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

* Classic: A book which people praise, but do not
read.

* Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to
open their mouth.

* Committee: Individuals who can do nothing
individually and sit to decide that nothing can be
done together.

* Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

* Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during
life, to be spoken of when dead.

* Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he
accidentally falls into a river.

* Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel
tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

* Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die
rich.

* Father: A banker provided by nature.

* Criminal: A guy no different from the rest...except
that he got caught.

* Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and
late when you are early.

* Politician: One who shakes your hand before
elections and your confidence after.

* Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and
kills you w! ith his bills.