So sick and tired of all the needless needing
Just random before i concussed and start rattling like my previous post, with no real meaning towards the end of it.
The past 3 days were rather funny and odd. I don't know how to go about describing it, maybe it's due to the rank i'm wearing, maybe it's due to the stress i'm facing recently, maybe it's due to the fact that my posting changed last minute, or just maybe i'm real sick and tired of all the needless needing.
Taking public transport for the past mornings seemed to add another perspective of life for me. Donning my no. 4, boarding the almost empty train and looking over the black bar over my shoulders, i asked myself why didn't i choose to take public transport during my cadet days. The only rationale i could justify the needless spending on cab fares, was that i just wanted to get home real fast and don't wish to be caught in a can of sardines.
You gain something and you will lose something. How true can it get. Still keeping the bad old habit of not sleeping in public transport, which seems hard to die, my thoughts start to run free and wild again. A mini debate started off inside me. As i reflected and pondered about the facts of life, i start to see myself smaller. For once i'm starting to realise why and how things happened in a certain way. Like it or not, it often happens in a vicious circle.
So much for all the things i dreaded happening to me, i'm making them occurring on others. So much for preaching stuff to others, i'm opposing them myself. So much for not wanting to make my life so monotone, i'm encouraging myself to it. So much so for trying to be more optimistic, day in day out, i'm turning to the dark side.
I don't know how long or far i would go, before i finally succumb and lose all the things that i've been trying to hold dear to.
So why do we tend to hold on to something so dearly and maybe die for it? So why are we are split up to different role-players, each there to outwit, outlast and outkill one another? And so why do we seek physical and mental desires every now and then?
Maybe it would take a rocket scientist to come out with some formulas to explain why. Answers i have not. Nonetheless, i just wonder since we all come down to this earth with our birthday suit, and leave literally the same, why is there a need to seek for all the intangible stuff. In the process we are destroying mankind, destroying nature, wasting resources and wasting time away.
Living life to the fullest was the closest i could get.
For that i suppose to love, to live and to enjoy took majority of our time. So if you don't for any of that, you're wasted. No one will be there to pinpoint or arrow you for not doing the correct way, nor will there be anyone to guide you through your life journey. Yet often we are running towards the white light, which we all have pinned our hopes on, hoping it will eventually leads us to the glory of life.
Take some time off, sit down and start looking around you. Things have changed. But how much of it have you noticed. Ever notice the increasing strands of white hairs, on your parents? Ever wonder for every mad rush across the road, someone else is praying for your safety? Ever wonder for every happy moments you had with your love one, it's building upon someone else's sorrows? Ever cross your mind for every help you asked for, you're depriving someone's time and effort? Ever notice that you have already gone through 3,500 characters, by the end of this sentence?
Details in life is often missed out cause it doesn't pose concerns or benefits to us. Of cause i'm sure many out there can't wait to oppose my thinking for being too critical. As a matter of fact, everyone does it. Else one wouldn't have been thinking and talking to oneself silently during baths, during the usual walk down to the train or bus stations, and even during the time we empty our intestines.
To keep this sweet and short, i guess i'll end of here. Food for thought maybe. Till then.
"You're just another star that's burnt out too quickly."
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
What lies beneath
First day reporting to camp as a young 2nd Lieutenant, and i ended up with quite some emotions for me to make this effort to blog here. The day started off with quite an unexpected twist. As i was walking to my camp, cutting across car parks after alighting from a bus, i was approached by a lady. She seems to like a nurse or some sort coming from a home service ambulance. She asked for my help to push-start the ambulance. I was pretty stunned by the approach partly due to the loud voice she had, but i didn't reject to offer some of my almost worn-out muscles to get the job done.
I was thinking that's gonna be the good start for me, or at least for the day. But apparently that's the end of the bed of roses, after the good deed was over.
Got to camp only to see the usual rowdy platoon of 2nd Lieutenants crowding outside the room which we were expecting the orientation for newly commissioned officers to be held in. Pretty much used to the never-ending small talks among them, maybe it's just JC culture, the thing that irritates me most was their bearings. Everyone now dons the black bar on their shoulders, yet the uniform they put on was much worse than recruits.
Not that i'm someone who likes things to be overly neat and tidy, but i always feel that as a role model for many, like it or not, officers are being judged by many, we should present ourselves with a better image whenever possible. That's why i always put in effort getting my smart 4 ironed, even if that means sacrificing some time away.
The overkill then shifted to the boring and dry lectures we had, to educate us more about our job scope and expected duties as officers. Sitting through the long and dry talks especially early in the morning can be quite a demanding task.
Then the next irritating issue i felt was one of my fellow course mate, also now a young second lieutenant, was crying out loud that why are we always demanded to pay for events/dinners pertaining to military concerns, even though we just don't feel like going. And young Mr. Lee once again made his voice heard again by agreeing on the fact that why for example commissioning ball, we has newly commissioned officers has to fork out money to pay for the instructor. He was particularly referring to the Armour officers who have to pay almost $450 for their commissioning ball.
As much as we don't like to be called upon to get things done not the way we wanted, sometimes we just have to get it done, no matter what. Perhaps what the 2 of them failed to see that the higher authorities can also be in dilemma. Just try putting yourself in their shoes and i deemed anyone who agrees that it's hard to satisfy everyone.
Lastly, my posting was changed to 3 Sig Battalion. I was pretty upset about it, reason being that i didn't go through specialization under 3 Sig Bn, thus it might just be a little hard for me to absorb. I was pretty excited looking forward to working in 8 Sig Bn. But now it seems like i have to go through another 1 month of trainee life when the induction program starts in 3 Sig Bn on 3rd Jan.
Finally the one which literally silence everything was seeing how my friends were all leading a much better life. All getting attached here and there and they all look blissful. Good things don't last. Sometimes what hits you hardest is what you thought it's aways there. And as for my commissioning ball, i seriously hope there isn't any now. It's just too stupid and meaningless for me.
I still have many thoughts, but i'm too tired. That's all i have. Till then.
First day reporting to camp as a young 2nd Lieutenant, and i ended up with quite some emotions for me to make this effort to blog here. The day started off with quite an unexpected twist. As i was walking to my camp, cutting across car parks after alighting from a bus, i was approached by a lady. She seems to like a nurse or some sort coming from a home service ambulance. She asked for my help to push-start the ambulance. I was pretty stunned by the approach partly due to the loud voice she had, but i didn't reject to offer some of my almost worn-out muscles to get the job done.
I was thinking that's gonna be the good start for me, or at least for the day. But apparently that's the end of the bed of roses, after the good deed was over.
Got to camp only to see the usual rowdy platoon of 2nd Lieutenants crowding outside the room which we were expecting the orientation for newly commissioned officers to be held in. Pretty much used to the never-ending small talks among them, maybe it's just JC culture, the thing that irritates me most was their bearings. Everyone now dons the black bar on their shoulders, yet the uniform they put on was much worse than recruits.
Not that i'm someone who likes things to be overly neat and tidy, but i always feel that as a role model for many, like it or not, officers are being judged by many, we should present ourselves with a better image whenever possible. That's why i always put in effort getting my smart 4 ironed, even if that means sacrificing some time away.
The overkill then shifted to the boring and dry lectures we had, to educate us more about our job scope and expected duties as officers. Sitting through the long and dry talks especially early in the morning can be quite a demanding task.
Then the next irritating issue i felt was one of my fellow course mate, also now a young second lieutenant, was crying out loud that why are we always demanded to pay for events/dinners pertaining to military concerns, even though we just don't feel like going. And young Mr. Lee once again made his voice heard again by agreeing on the fact that why for example commissioning ball, we has newly commissioned officers has to fork out money to pay for the instructor. He was particularly referring to the Armour officers who have to pay almost $450 for their commissioning ball.
As much as we don't like to be called upon to get things done not the way we wanted, sometimes we just have to get it done, no matter what. Perhaps what the 2 of them failed to see that the higher authorities can also be in dilemma. Just try putting yourself in their shoes and i deemed anyone who agrees that it's hard to satisfy everyone.
Lastly, my posting was changed to 3 Sig Battalion. I was pretty upset about it, reason being that i didn't go through specialization under 3 Sig Bn, thus it might just be a little hard for me to absorb. I was pretty excited looking forward to working in 8 Sig Bn. But now it seems like i have to go through another 1 month of trainee life when the induction program starts in 3 Sig Bn on 3rd Jan.
Finally the one which literally silence everything was seeing how my friends were all leading a much better life. All getting attached here and there and they all look blissful. Good things don't last. Sometimes what hits you hardest is what you thought it's aways there. And as for my commissioning ball, i seriously hope there isn't any now. It's just too stupid and meaningless for me.
I still have many thoughts, but i'm too tired. That's all i have. Till then.
Friday, November 24, 2006
15 days
Big countdown to the day i'll be tossing my peak cap at the SAFTI parade square. Been a week over here in OCS,(Yup, i'm blogging using the newly installed DELL computers in the bunks.), and the most tiring part for the whole of the week has to be the long travellings, around Singapore to various camps for visits.
Had some interesting workshops on topics about Officership, morals, values, and also roles of becoming Defending or Investigating Officer next time after we are commissioned. Overall it wasn't a bad week, cause as the days go, it meant the nearer to the big day.
I've got quiet many thoughts in mind, but again i'm always lost for words when i start blogging. I just hope i get to do what i want for now and people around me are happier. As i'm typing all these out, i can't help thinking that when i look back someday, i'll regret for all the choices i made. As for why, i guess i'll jot them down again.
Good luck to those having exams, and for those who had finished their semester, enjoy and knock yourself out. Rope me in for some fun if you guys fancy. Weekends are going to be very precious to me again. Have to utilise them fully. That's all i have.
May the force be with you.
Big countdown to the day i'll be tossing my peak cap at the SAFTI parade square. Been a week over here in OCS,(Yup, i'm blogging using the newly installed DELL computers in the bunks.), and the most tiring part for the whole of the week has to be the long travellings, around Singapore to various camps for visits.
Had some interesting workshops on topics about Officership, morals, values, and also roles of becoming Defending or Investigating Officer next time after we are commissioned. Overall it wasn't a bad week, cause as the days go, it meant the nearer to the big day.
I've got quiet many thoughts in mind, but again i'm always lost for words when i start blogging. I just hope i get to do what i want for now and people around me are happier. As i'm typing all these out, i can't help thinking that when i look back someday, i'll regret for all the choices i made. As for why, i guess i'll jot them down again.
Good luck to those having exams, and for those who had finished their semester, enjoy and knock yourself out. Rope me in for some fun if you guys fancy. Weekends are going to be very precious to me again. Have to utilise them fully. That's all i have.
May the force be with you.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
The Black Parade
It's been real long since my last post. I wanted to leave some of my thoughts down here last week, but apparently there's some problem with Blogger. Making use of the waiting-to-go-back-to-camp time, i'm here to leave some craps.
It's nearing my commissioning parade. The big day for me. 4 more weeks to go and it shall concludes the 38 weeks of cadet life. Just as i'm about to leave my professional term and head back OCS for the last 3 weeks of Joint term, we had a session with the SI commander last Thursday morning. Personally i find it something quite interesting.
He answered some of our course questions they wrote down in their journals, which is being read by the instructors every week. He spoke to us about leadership, life and responsibilities of a commander, in our case as an officer of the armed forces. An example which he mentioned to us was that knowing his men were on duty during Chinese New Year, he went back camp, bought some food and had a short reunion dinner with them. Though it's just a short while, it meant a lot for his men.
I'm not sure how many after reading about this, would feel anything towards it. But for my case i certainly respect him for doing that. And touching on the issue of respect, he shared with us another value for us to ponder and exercise it. The 3 Rs.
Respect, Reciprocate and Reflect.
Simple as the words spelt out, they literally meant to respect others, reciprocate kindness and reflect on our actions.
More than often in life, everyone likes to receive more than to give. I'm sure i don't have to elaborate more on this, everyone knows how good i am at doing the opposite. So much so, as i'm starting to have more slack time recently, all the thoughts just kept filling up my mind. I had a supper session with a poly friend just days back, and inevitably we touched on this not-so-fantastic issue again.
I was sorta whining to him about how when things you did for someone never get appreciated, not even to mention reciprocate. And more than often, some simple gestures done for him/her which may appeared a small deed, may just not be the case. Yet you just wonder if they ever think about the effort behind all the pretty surfaces.
Despite this these what-if, do-they, it all just summarized to nothing is right or wrong. What matters most is to do what you think is right, like it or not, you don't always get what you wanted, not to mention what you hoped for.
When i got questioned about what in life do i hope to achieve, and what's my plan after NS, all that i could come out with was just a "I don't know". But of cause, it's just so-not-me right? I should be someone who has like tonnes of thoughts, big ideas and all the life philosophies.
But you know, i've been going into all the i-don't-wanna-think-too-much lately. After i looked back at all the things i have done in the past 4 years, i just want give myself a pat and say, "Time to be yourself."
And the big question of who or what is "myself", is enough to give one endless thoughts. Neither do i have the ideal solution or the so-called Ten-Year-Series model answer to it. All that i offer to my 1 cent worth of advice, is to forget about all the big sayings of what's right, what's wrong, what's good, what's worthwhile, what's you, what's me, what's what.
Just think outside the box and stay outside of it. Just 1 simple question, are you G-O-D? No one is, thus no one can pin-point you and say you're wrong, you're evil, so on and so for.
I may seems to be muttering all these with no real direction or purpose, but i guess it speaks for itself. If you do get what i'm trying to say, that's good. Else, thank you for reading all these. 'Cause at the end of day, how much you take away from my blog is never a good justification of who you perecive i am, nor do it means how sensible or thoughtful i am.
With that, i shall end this off by wishing all those having exams round the corner, all the best for the papers. And for those who still haven't got a clue what they want in life, time is always on our side. Just how you use it is the only difference.
Till then.
It's been real long since my last post. I wanted to leave some of my thoughts down here last week, but apparently there's some problem with Blogger. Making use of the waiting-to-go-back-to-camp time, i'm here to leave some craps.
It's nearing my commissioning parade. The big day for me. 4 more weeks to go and it shall concludes the 38 weeks of cadet life. Just as i'm about to leave my professional term and head back OCS for the last 3 weeks of Joint term, we had a session with the SI commander last Thursday morning. Personally i find it something quite interesting.
He answered some of our course questions they wrote down in their journals, which is being read by the instructors every week. He spoke to us about leadership, life and responsibilities of a commander, in our case as an officer of the armed forces. An example which he mentioned to us was that knowing his men were on duty during Chinese New Year, he went back camp, bought some food and had a short reunion dinner with them. Though it's just a short while, it meant a lot for his men.
I'm not sure how many after reading about this, would feel anything towards it. But for my case i certainly respect him for doing that. And touching on the issue of respect, he shared with us another value for us to ponder and exercise it. The 3 Rs.
Respect, Reciprocate and Reflect.
Simple as the words spelt out, they literally meant to respect others, reciprocate kindness and reflect on our actions.
More than often in life, everyone likes to receive more than to give. I'm sure i don't have to elaborate more on this, everyone knows how good i am at doing the opposite. So much so, as i'm starting to have more slack time recently, all the thoughts just kept filling up my mind. I had a supper session with a poly friend just days back, and inevitably we touched on this not-so-fantastic issue again.
I was sorta whining to him about how when things you did for someone never get appreciated, not even to mention reciprocate. And more than often, some simple gestures done for him/her which may appeared a small deed, may just not be the case. Yet you just wonder if they ever think about the effort behind all the pretty surfaces.
Despite this these what-if, do-they, it all just summarized to nothing is right or wrong. What matters most is to do what you think is right, like it or not, you don't always get what you wanted, not to mention what you hoped for.
When i got questioned about what in life do i hope to achieve, and what's my plan after NS, all that i could come out with was just a "I don't know". But of cause, it's just so-not-me right? I should be someone who has like tonnes of thoughts, big ideas and all the life philosophies.
But you know, i've been going into all the i-don't-wanna-think-too-much lately. After i looked back at all the things i have done in the past 4 years, i just want give myself a pat and say, "Time to be yourself."
And the big question of who or what is "myself", is enough to give one endless thoughts. Neither do i have the ideal solution or the so-called Ten-Year-Series model answer to it. All that i offer to my 1 cent worth of advice, is to forget about all the big sayings of what's right, what's wrong, what's good, what's worthwhile, what's you, what's me, what's what.
Just think outside the box and stay outside of it. Just 1 simple question, are you G-O-D? No one is, thus no one can pin-point you and say you're wrong, you're evil, so on and so for.
I may seems to be muttering all these with no real direction or purpose, but i guess it speaks for itself. If you do get what i'm trying to say, that's good. Else, thank you for reading all these. 'Cause at the end of day, how much you take away from my blog is never a good justification of who you perecive i am, nor do it means how sensible or thoughtful i am.
With that, i shall end this off by wishing all those having exams round the corner, all the best for the papers. And for those who still haven't got a clue what they want in life, time is always on our side. Just how you use it is the only difference.
Till then.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
So long and goodnight
Alright, another goodbye post here. It's the 3rd time i'll be leaving Singapore for this year. This time it's going to be 21 days. 3 long weekends overseas. Nothing much to look forward to this trip. Probably the hazards and 5 tough missions are something "worth" watching out for. Just hope Taipei gets more peaceful, or i will definitely curse and swear at them for making us not able to have our R&R.
For friends who have BGR problems, i wish i can help, but i'm not in any better position. Gals work by emotions and feelings, something guys never understand. For friends who are busy with school, hold it there, holidays are coming. For those i don't know and are reading this, come again another 21 days. Probably i might post some photos here.
That's all folks. May the force be with you. Till then.
Alright, another goodbye post here. It's the 3rd time i'll be leaving Singapore for this year. This time it's going to be 21 days. 3 long weekends overseas. Nothing much to look forward to this trip. Probably the hazards and 5 tough missions are something "worth" watching out for. Just hope Taipei gets more peaceful, or i will definitely curse and swear at them for making us not able to have our R&R.
For friends who have BGR problems, i wish i can help, but i'm not in any better position. Gals work by emotions and feelings, something guys never understand. For friends who are busy with school, hold it there, holidays are coming. For those i don't know and are reading this, come again another 21 days. Probably i might post some photos here.
That's all folks. May the force be with you. Till then.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Life as a soldier
"Looking all around us, couples everywhere. Couples having fun, while we are holding guns. Have you ever wondered, why must we serve? Cause we love our land, and we want it to be free, to be free."
Not that i'm so patriotic, but that's the song that concludes my 1 year anniversary with the SAF. Did my 3rd 24km route march last Friday morning, ever since i enlisted for NSF 1 year ago on the 8th September 2005, over at East Coast Park. The route march that starts right from the end at Carpark G all the way to Carpark C, bypassing almost all the features and fun spots at East Coast Park.
Just as i'm doing the march with the not-so-easy load of 16kg on my back, i started counting the numbers again. For the whole year after i enlisted, i had already done about 100km of route marches, 50km of running, 3000+ push-ups, 300+ chin-ups and went to 4 schools (Basic Military Training Center, Air Force School, Officer Cadet School and Signal Institute).
Called that personal achievement or not, i already felt that i'm like what some may say, "old bird" of the army. After 1 year of service for the nation, i'm still a trainee. And i still have 3 more months to go before i finally get a proper status for myself in the military ranking. And this isn't something usual for most would only at most take 11-12 months to get a 2nd Lieutenant rank. But of cause i went to Air Force for 3 months and that contributed to the fact that for my 2 years service, i have to march around wherever i go for 1 year 3 months as a trainee.
Time kinda flies when you start looking back. Just a year ago, i entered NS with nothing to expect, just hoping to get it done and over with. And who knows after i graduated from Tekong as a Private, i signed on for Air Force hoping to make it big as a Military Aviator, which only lasted for 3 months. After coming back to Singapore, i was posted to do some admin work which does nothing but filing and sorting of letters. Slack time doesn't stay long, and 2 weeks into that, i was posted to the western side of Singapore, to the place called Home of the Officer Corps, OCS.
3 months as an infantry cadet wasn't that smooth sailing either. During the time, i was given many opportunities to perform as various exercises Platoon Commander, but i always fail to deliver. It's something that whenever i look back, i felt that i have let my instructors, especially my Platoon Commander down.
Moving on to my Professional Term as a cadet, i was posted to Signal Institute, which was my first choice for my vocation. Started out thinking that it should be a vocation which might just be slightly less demanding as compared to the rest of the support arms, but it wasn't to be. Another 3 months have passed since then, and the demands just get tougher, with more to expect for during the 3 weeks at Taiwan. There will be a 72km of Full Battle Order (FBO), a summary exercise to end off the 6 months stint over at Signal Institute.
Made many friends, and i'm one of the fortunate guys out there, to have the opportunity to train with a group of peers ranging from 23 to 19 years old and of cause not to mention fellow female cadets as well. Not forgetting, i'm also one of the fortunate guys out there who has gone into 2 cores of the SAF, the army and the air force. I met quite handful of nice instructors along the way, and a particular instructor who's my sister's primary school mate.
Ask me how i feel towards National Service, i would say it's just a matter of how much you learn out of it, and not to be too critical about it. Because most of the time, you will find the stuff you do are nonsensical and you will be stuck in occasions whereby you don't have much choices about it.
So what you will be exposed to? Basically, you have to go through a lot of learning.
Learning how to work with different people, Learning how to deal with tonnes of vulgarities hurled at you, learning how to take punishments, learning how to be tactful, learning how to slack, learning how to take responsibilities, learning how to lead, learning how to take care of oneself, learning how to be a neat, learning how to do cleaning, learning how to listen, learning how to follow orders, learning how to sleep less, learning how to copy with hunger, learning how not to get extra duties, learning how to handle weapons, learning how to push oneself for fitness excellence and ultimately learning how to protect the nation and be a good soldier.
"It's not about what you left behind, it's about what you gain in the days ahead."
That's the big slogan you will see when you enter BMTC at Tekong. Like it or not, every male has to serve the 2 years, and it's just a matter of choices. Choose to be a normal men or as a commander, ultimately like what my instructors used to tell us, this 2 years do not belong to us. It belongs to Singapore. Start learning good things out of it or continue whining about the bad side of it.
Till then.
"Looking all around us, couples everywhere. Couples having fun, while we are holding guns. Have you ever wondered, why must we serve? Cause we love our land, and we want it to be free, to be free."
Not that i'm so patriotic, but that's the song that concludes my 1 year anniversary with the SAF. Did my 3rd 24km route march last Friday morning, ever since i enlisted for NSF 1 year ago on the 8th September 2005, over at East Coast Park. The route march that starts right from the end at Carpark G all the way to Carpark C, bypassing almost all the features and fun spots at East Coast Park.
Just as i'm doing the march with the not-so-easy load of 16kg on my back, i started counting the numbers again. For the whole year after i enlisted, i had already done about 100km of route marches, 50km of running, 3000+ push-ups, 300+ chin-ups and went to 4 schools (Basic Military Training Center, Air Force School, Officer Cadet School and Signal Institute).
Called that personal achievement or not, i already felt that i'm like what some may say, "old bird" of the army. After 1 year of service for the nation, i'm still a trainee. And i still have 3 more months to go before i finally get a proper status for myself in the military ranking. And this isn't something usual for most would only at most take 11-12 months to get a 2nd Lieutenant rank. But of cause i went to Air Force for 3 months and that contributed to the fact that for my 2 years service, i have to march around wherever i go for 1 year 3 months as a trainee.
Time kinda flies when you start looking back. Just a year ago, i entered NS with nothing to expect, just hoping to get it done and over with. And who knows after i graduated from Tekong as a Private, i signed on for Air Force hoping to make it big as a Military Aviator, which only lasted for 3 months. After coming back to Singapore, i was posted to do some admin work which does nothing but filing and sorting of letters. Slack time doesn't stay long, and 2 weeks into that, i was posted to the western side of Singapore, to the place called Home of the Officer Corps, OCS.
3 months as an infantry cadet wasn't that smooth sailing either. During the time, i was given many opportunities to perform as various exercises Platoon Commander, but i always fail to deliver. It's something that whenever i look back, i felt that i have let my instructors, especially my Platoon Commander down.
Moving on to my Professional Term as a cadet, i was posted to Signal Institute, which was my first choice for my vocation. Started out thinking that it should be a vocation which might just be slightly less demanding as compared to the rest of the support arms, but it wasn't to be. Another 3 months have passed since then, and the demands just get tougher, with more to expect for during the 3 weeks at Taiwan. There will be a 72km of Full Battle Order (FBO), a summary exercise to end off the 6 months stint over at Signal Institute.
Made many friends, and i'm one of the fortunate guys out there, to have the opportunity to train with a group of peers ranging from 23 to 19 years old and of cause not to mention fellow female cadets as well. Not forgetting, i'm also one of the fortunate guys out there who has gone into 2 cores of the SAF, the army and the air force. I met quite handful of nice instructors along the way, and a particular instructor who's my sister's primary school mate.
Ask me how i feel towards National Service, i would say it's just a matter of how much you learn out of it, and not to be too critical about it. Because most of the time, you will find the stuff you do are nonsensical and you will be stuck in occasions whereby you don't have much choices about it.
So what you will be exposed to? Basically, you have to go through a lot of learning.
Learning how to work with different people, Learning how to deal with tonnes of vulgarities hurled at you, learning how to take punishments, learning how to be tactful, learning how to slack, learning how to take responsibilities, learning how to lead, learning how to take care of oneself, learning how to be a neat, learning how to do cleaning, learning how to listen, learning how to follow orders, learning how to sleep less, learning how to copy with hunger, learning how not to get extra duties, learning how to handle weapons, learning how to push oneself for fitness excellence and ultimately learning how to protect the nation and be a good soldier.
"It's not about what you left behind, it's about what you gain in the days ahead."
That's the big slogan you will see when you enter BMTC at Tekong. Like it or not, every male has to serve the 2 years, and it's just a matter of choices. Choose to be a normal men or as a commander, ultimately like what my instructors used to tell us, this 2 years do not belong to us. It belongs to Singapore. Start learning good things out of it or continue whining about the bad side of it.
Till then.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
I have a dream...
I have a dream that i'll be able to achieve gold for my upcoming IPPT test this coming Thursday, with ease and determination.
I have a dream that on my commissioning day, all my family members are able to grace the occasion, maybe with the special she.
I have a dream that one day i'll be entering university with the course i truly wanted, with no stress or no obligations.
I have a dream that one day i will find someone who will not judge by the surface but by the content of my character, appreciates me for who i am, and loves me for who i am not.
I have a dream that one day i will have a son and a daughter, a family with simple wants and simple needs.
I have a dream that one day i will be starting my own business and do the things i wanted, my way, my style.
I have a dream that i will be retiring at the age of 45, with no burdens or commitments.
I have a dream that one day i will ride away with my partner on my R1, and leave this town forever.
I have a dream that i will be reminiscing on my rocking chair at the age of 70 for that i've done my part contributing to the society.
I have a dream that the day i left this earth, it will just be pure black and white.
I have a dream today.
I still have a dream...
I have a dream that i'll be able to achieve gold for my upcoming IPPT test this coming Thursday, with ease and determination.
I have a dream that on my commissioning day, all my family members are able to grace the occasion, maybe with the special she.
I have a dream that one day i'll be entering university with the course i truly wanted, with no stress or no obligations.
I have a dream that one day i will find someone who will not judge by the surface but by the content of my character, appreciates me for who i am, and loves me for who i am not.
I have a dream that one day i will have a son and a daughter, a family with simple wants and simple needs.
I have a dream that one day i will be starting my own business and do the things i wanted, my way, my style.
I have a dream that i will be retiring at the age of 45, with no burdens or commitments.
I have a dream that one day i will ride away with my partner on my R1, and leave this town forever.
I have a dream that i will be reminiscing on my rocking chair at the age of 70 for that i've done my part contributing to the society.
I have a dream that the day i left this earth, it will just be pure black and white.
I have a dream today.
I still have a dream...
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Duty honour country
Been a hectic long 2 weeks, with quite a fair bit of punishments and late night sleeps. Can't recall much of the stuff that happened the week before, so i'll just do a quick update of this whole week.
We were punished to carry FBO around the camp for the entire week, literally volunteered to be punished in our case, for that platoon 2 was the platoon that was caught sleeping and removing their SBOs during Exercise VHF which incidentally had few detachments deployed around Singapore. Thus to "display" course integrity, my platoon volunteered to be part of the punishment as well.
Put that aside, we were also given field pack inspections. And it turned out that i made some enemies indirectly, for that my standard packs were deemed too high standard. "Spoil market" was the common term one will be associated with, when you tend to be doing something overly too good in any scenarios.
Not that i'm that petty about all the sarcastic remarks, i just felt that they don't have what it takes to be an officer. Just to propose a simple case here, would the fastest runner, fittest guy in the course be deemed as spoil market? How come packing of field pack standard items neatly and nicely will be deemed as one then?
Personally, i take pride in my bearing, packing of field pack items, tidying of my cupboard and things which can be done with all the time in the world during free time. Somehow not many will do that though. A very good classic example is the white horse. I hope you guys know who i'm referring to.
Not that i've something against him, and that i shouldn't have mention some negative comments about him here, since he's someone of high regards, i just don't think that he has what it takes to be an officer. Minus his intelligence, maybe he's just an empty shell? Just ask any military personnel what's the minimal standard of an soldier, i bet he failed most of it.
Before i start digressing and go into all the unbecoming behavior of the white horse, i better move on and talk about the FBO punishments. After serving the army for almost a year now, last week was the first time i ran in smart 4, with FBO for around 1km plus. Reason? We were late for a workshop conducted by Chief of Signals. Then again, i questioned the effectiveness of the punishment, for that i personally feel that by making us run back to our accommodation block and back to the workshop classroom, it just make us sweat, cursing the instructor and at the end of the day, hate army even more.
I'm sure anyone out there will agree with me that timing is something you can't train one to meet. It's how reasonable the timing is, and even with that as constant, there's a lot more factors to be considered.
Sleeping for only 2-3 hours for some of the days, and not sleeping at all before Exercise VHF was the highlight for the 2 weeks. I'm pretty fine with that, cause i'm quite trained to be an owl due to gaming before army.
Not forgetting SOC which was conducted during this 2 weeks as well. I managed to pass with just 1 try. Something good considering the ground in this camp is a lot harder with few steep slopes, and of cause i don't have to do it anymore till i commissioned. The only thing left for me now is to cut my 9:52s timing down by 8secs to achieve my IPPT gold.
Last weekend was probably the most fun weekend i had. Sneak out to... Probably not gonna mention it here. Blogs have been pretty much something which is like a double edge sword. Hold it wrongly, you will cut yourself without knowing. But anyway, it was fun and i hope to do it again!
This weekend was pretty boring and hectic as well. Came back from camp around 2230hrs on Friday night, slept for a couple of hours, head back to camp around 0545hrs for my regimental guard duty. Did 4 shifts and end the duty only this morning around 0800hrs.
Made some effort to go down to a market further away from my house on my way home to get some breakfast for my parents. Rest for an hour or plus, went for haircut, and off to get my N-gage for servicing. Yes, it's down again for the third time in less than 3 months. I should get a replacement of it soon. But it's still one of the best, if not the best non-camera phone for me.
Head to borders trying to look for the book titled, "The Fifth Discipline", but just couldn't find it. Was lazy to do a thorough search for it and i head to get the game Xenosaga Episode 3 for a friend. And luck wasn't on my side again. It turned out that the game was Japanese version. In short, the game is useless. Got back home, downloaded some video clips and before i know it, here i am typing this post before i head back to camp again.
That's the life of a signal cadet. If anyone still feels that signal is a slack vocation, think again. In fact, i'm sure i'm not the worse in the whole SAF. The grass is always greener on the other side. Nonetheless, despite not having much time for myself, i hope in the midst of my busy life, i'm still able to do some things for others.
Reciprocate or not, it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that i get to do what i want, eventually getting myself a title of "Santa" perhaps?
Alright, that's all i have. Gotta pack up, head back to camp, study for a 4 hours exam paper tomorrow. Think about it, i never did 4 hours before until i enter army. How contradicting?
And this week is hell week too. 16km route march and turnout expected some time in the week for us to earn our blue berets. If you happen to read this some time this week, just pray silently for me to be here again the next weekend.
Till then.
Been a hectic long 2 weeks, with quite a fair bit of punishments and late night sleeps. Can't recall much of the stuff that happened the week before, so i'll just do a quick update of this whole week.
We were punished to carry FBO around the camp for the entire week, literally volunteered to be punished in our case, for that platoon 2 was the platoon that was caught sleeping and removing their SBOs during Exercise VHF which incidentally had few detachments deployed around Singapore. Thus to "display" course integrity, my platoon volunteered to be part of the punishment as well.
Put that aside, we were also given field pack inspections. And it turned out that i made some enemies indirectly, for that my standard packs were deemed too high standard. "Spoil market" was the common term one will be associated with, when you tend to be doing something overly too good in any scenarios.
Not that i'm that petty about all the sarcastic remarks, i just felt that they don't have what it takes to be an officer. Just to propose a simple case here, would the fastest runner, fittest guy in the course be deemed as spoil market? How come packing of field pack standard items neatly and nicely will be deemed as one then?
Personally, i take pride in my bearing, packing of field pack items, tidying of my cupboard and things which can be done with all the time in the world during free time. Somehow not many will do that though. A very good classic example is the white horse. I hope you guys know who i'm referring to.
Not that i've something against him, and that i shouldn't have mention some negative comments about him here, since he's someone of high regards, i just don't think that he has what it takes to be an officer. Minus his intelligence, maybe he's just an empty shell? Just ask any military personnel what's the minimal standard of an soldier, i bet he failed most of it.
Before i start digressing and go into all the unbecoming behavior of the white horse, i better move on and talk about the FBO punishments. After serving the army for almost a year now, last week was the first time i ran in smart 4, with FBO for around 1km plus. Reason? We were late for a workshop conducted by Chief of Signals. Then again, i questioned the effectiveness of the punishment, for that i personally feel that by making us run back to our accommodation block and back to the workshop classroom, it just make us sweat, cursing the instructor and at the end of the day, hate army even more.
I'm sure anyone out there will agree with me that timing is something you can't train one to meet. It's how reasonable the timing is, and even with that as constant, there's a lot more factors to be considered.
Sleeping for only 2-3 hours for some of the days, and not sleeping at all before Exercise VHF was the highlight for the 2 weeks. I'm pretty fine with that, cause i'm quite trained to be an owl due to gaming before army.
Not forgetting SOC which was conducted during this 2 weeks as well. I managed to pass with just 1 try. Something good considering the ground in this camp is a lot harder with few steep slopes, and of cause i don't have to do it anymore till i commissioned. The only thing left for me now is to cut my 9:52s timing down by 8secs to achieve my IPPT gold.
Last weekend was probably the most fun weekend i had. Sneak out to... Probably not gonna mention it here. Blogs have been pretty much something which is like a double edge sword. Hold it wrongly, you will cut yourself without knowing. But anyway, it was fun and i hope to do it again!
This weekend was pretty boring and hectic as well. Came back from camp around 2230hrs on Friday night, slept for a couple of hours, head back to camp around 0545hrs for my regimental guard duty. Did 4 shifts and end the duty only this morning around 0800hrs.
Made some effort to go down to a market further away from my house on my way home to get some breakfast for my parents. Rest for an hour or plus, went for haircut, and off to get my N-gage for servicing. Yes, it's down again for the third time in less than 3 months. I should get a replacement of it soon. But it's still one of the best, if not the best non-camera phone for me.
Head to borders trying to look for the book titled, "The Fifth Discipline", but just couldn't find it. Was lazy to do a thorough search for it and i head to get the game Xenosaga Episode 3 for a friend. And luck wasn't on my side again. It turned out that the game was Japanese version. In short, the game is useless. Got back home, downloaded some video clips and before i know it, here i am typing this post before i head back to camp again.
That's the life of a signal cadet. If anyone still feels that signal is a slack vocation, think again. In fact, i'm sure i'm not the worse in the whole SAF. The grass is always greener on the other side. Nonetheless, despite not having much time for myself, i hope in the midst of my busy life, i'm still able to do some things for others.
Reciprocate or not, it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that i get to do what i want, eventually getting myself a title of "Santa" perhaps?
Alright, that's all i have. Gotta pack up, head back to camp, study for a 4 hours exam paper tomorrow. Think about it, i never did 4 hours before until i enter army. How contradicting?
And this week is hell week too. 16km route march and turnout expected some time in the week for us to earn our blue berets. If you happen to read this some time this week, just pray silently for me to be here again the next weekend.
Till then.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Predictable
Something isn't right,
I can feel it again.
This isn't the first time,
That you left me waiting.
Sad excuses and false hopes high,
I saw this coming,
Sill I don't know why,
I let you in.
I knew it all along,
I knew something would go wrong,
So you don't have to call,
Or say anything at all.
So take your empty words,
Your broken promises,
And all the time you stole,
Cause I am done with it,
I could give it away,
I'm doing everything I should of,
Now I'm making a change,
Living the day,
I'm giving back what you gave me
Now everywhere I go,
Everyone I meet,
Every time I try to fall in love,
They all want to know why I'm so broken.
Why I'm so cold,
why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared?
What am I afraid of?
I don't even know, this story's never had an end.
I've been waiting,
I've been searching,
I've been hoping,
I've been dreaming you would come back,
But I know the ending of this story.
And you're never coming back,
Never...
Everywhere I go for the rest of my life,
Everyone I love,
Everyone I care about,
They're all gonna want to know what's wrong with me.
And I know what it is,
What it is is right now!
How close can this get? As good as you sees it here. So am i still waiting for this world to stop hating?
Ans: Can't find a good reason, can't find hope to believe in.
Something isn't right,
I can feel it again.
This isn't the first time,
That you left me waiting.
Sad excuses and false hopes high,
I saw this coming,
Sill I don't know why,
I let you in.
I knew it all along,
I knew something would go wrong,
So you don't have to call,
Or say anything at all.
So take your empty words,
Your broken promises,
And all the time you stole,
Cause I am done with it,
I could give it away,
I'm doing everything I should of,
Now I'm making a change,
Living the day,
I'm giving back what you gave me
Now everywhere I go,
Everyone I meet,
Every time I try to fall in love,
They all want to know why I'm so broken.
Why I'm so cold,
why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared?
What am I afraid of?
I don't even know, this story's never had an end.
I've been waiting,
I've been searching,
I've been hoping,
I've been dreaming you would come back,
But I know the ending of this story.
And you're never coming back,
Never...
Everywhere I go for the rest of my life,
Everyone I love,
Everyone I care about,
They're all gonna want to know what's wrong with me.
And I know what it is,
What it is is right now!
How close can this get? As good as you sees it here. So am i still waiting for this world to stop hating?
Ans: Can't find a good reason, can't find hope to believe in.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Life is like a game sometimes
Happy national day. Doesn't really mean much to me, but as i had my Observer's Parade yesterday in camp just before we book out, i sang the national anthem again for the first time after like 4 years? Kinda emotional to sing it again after some time, and this time in military uniform, it made my Goosebumps stands. Nevertheless, i'll have to do that again on the 9th Dec, for my commissioning parade.
Just some quick updates and thoughts:
9:53s - That's 9 secs off the gold timing (9:44s) for my 2.4km run. Had my IPPT test yesterday and again, i missed my gold due to my 2.4km timing. Since almost a year ago when i enter national service, i have shaved off quite a fair bit for my 2.4km timing. Started at 15:00s, reduced to 13:00s, 12:30s, 11:30s, 11:00s, 10:30s, 10:14s and now finally to my all time best at 9:53s.
Lost count of the number of IPPT tests i had to retest trying to get my gold, probably over 15 tries since i got into army, and hopefully this coming Friday will be the day i finally achieve gold. Personally it's something great, cause i'm never a runner in my life. Sprinter maybe, but i hate to run long distance. And for this year Army Half Marathon, all i can say is that i'm glad i've regimental guard duty on the day before, which automatically excuses me from taking part due to safety concern of not having sufficient rest prior to strenuous exercise.
Speaking about this, one of my course mates was hospitalized due to punctuated lung. What was thought as fatigue and merely treated as normal chest pain, turned out to be something quite serious. For that if air in the punctuated lung is not being released, it will be accumulated and swell will occur, resulting in more complications. A tube was inserted to his non-working lung, hoping to release the air out, but somehow not all of it was being released. He underwent a pinhole operation yesterday, with 3 holes cut on his chest, to stitch up the lung.
Sometimes i just wonder all the tough trainings we forced ourselves to get through it, is it all worth it. Pride may be on the line to perform, but is it worth exchanging it for something which you will have to live with it for the rest of your life. Worst case, leaving behind your love ones, just for the word pride.
Last note about army, before this starts to bored you to tears, i just wish to touch on the point about behaving and acting like an officer. I felt that most of the people in OCS, they don't really have what it takes to be an officer of the armed forces. Not because their fitness is bad nor their knowledge or leadership is weak, in fact they excelled in all these, but what's commonly lacking in them is discipline and proper behaviour.
More than often, i would dare to say, as long as you're someone who can run a lot and run fast, everything else doesn't really matters. Fitness is always the first thing they judge you. Well, this isn't something new especially so when one is in the military business. How screwed up your marching, how crumpled your uniform, how sucky your attitude are, they all don't seems to be placed with much importance. Take my course mate as an example. I'm not going to mention his name here, but he's someone who will probably sit in the parliament someday, and someone who might be leading Singapore 20 years down the road. If you have been reading my blog, you would have know who i'm referring to.
Always arguing against the instructions given, lifting a leg on the front row of seats shaking them vigorously, putting on a super faded and creased uniform for parade, self cut his own hair trying to escape from being caught with long hair, and hurling away his vulgarities, how do you see him as an officer, not to even mention some political personnel if he would to be one in time to come.
Not trying to arrow him for all these faults, but i'm sure if you're someone whose dad is the leader of the country and is commented as a good Officer during his military career, i'm sure he could have done alot more to act more appropriately not just an officer-to-be, but also as role model for others to follow.
Side-tracking just a little, i'm getting pretty irritated with some cab drivers in Singapore. Having took quite a number of cab trips back and forth to camp since i enter national service, i'm starting to get annoyed with some drivers, especially those Mercedes cab drivers. I used to think that they should be the better drivers, not just in terms of experience on the road, but also the service and the attitude.
Do you often get questions from the drivers like, "Eh, do you want to go by PIE, or CTE?", "So you want to exit from here or there. Some customers like to exit there." or "Is that a single lane or double lane?"
Not that i'm critical to this tiny details, but i'm just wondering, the moment i board the cab, told the driver the destination i'm heading to, shouldn't he be the one suggesting to me the fastest route to it, instead of asking me? And if he's not sure which way to go, he should have just double check with me, instead of just moving on and then later make all the wrong turns. Worse still, talking on the phone, not playing attention to the traffic, resulting not accidents but missing turns and making a big round-about. And the worst they can do, is just charge the price on the meter even though it's their mistake of going big rounds.
I used to meet better cab drivers last time. One offered me sweets, another adjusting the air-con after realising that i'm trying to catch a wink, and one even suggested me to go for a nap and wake me again, for knowing that the journey is long and i just got out from camp. So am i too much to say that i just hope that cab drivers can be more initiative to provide better service, especially since the raise in the charges. Booking a cab at peak hour costs you $8.50 the moment you step into the cab. How's that for exchange of slightly better service? Be your own judge.
Last but not least, the thought i had in mind: "There are a lot better things in life than giving so much for a person."
In this cruel world occupied with majority of human race, it's not difficult to see that most of us are ruled by feelings. We always do what we wanted, even though it does really seems stupid or not logically at all. More than often, we are trying so hard to get something which is never ours, yet neglecting those we should have hold dear to. Like it or not, because humans are the governed by feelings, we will have our fair share of joys and sorrows. Not many creatures in this world do cry and laugh. And since we have the luxury to do so, the best we can do, is just to laugh our way off the sorrows and treat life like a game, with no restart. So live it once and live it good.
Till then.
Happy national day. Doesn't really mean much to me, but as i had my Observer's Parade yesterday in camp just before we book out, i sang the national anthem again for the first time after like 4 years? Kinda emotional to sing it again after some time, and this time in military uniform, it made my Goosebumps stands. Nevertheless, i'll have to do that again on the 9th Dec, for my commissioning parade.
Just some quick updates and thoughts:
9:53s - That's 9 secs off the gold timing (9:44s) for my 2.4km run. Had my IPPT test yesterday and again, i missed my gold due to my 2.4km timing. Since almost a year ago when i enter national service, i have shaved off quite a fair bit for my 2.4km timing. Started at 15:00s, reduced to 13:00s, 12:30s, 11:30s, 11:00s, 10:30s, 10:14s and now finally to my all time best at 9:53s.
Lost count of the number of IPPT tests i had to retest trying to get my gold, probably over 15 tries since i got into army, and hopefully this coming Friday will be the day i finally achieve gold. Personally it's something great, cause i'm never a runner in my life. Sprinter maybe, but i hate to run long distance. And for this year Army Half Marathon, all i can say is that i'm glad i've regimental guard duty on the day before, which automatically excuses me from taking part due to safety concern of not having sufficient rest prior to strenuous exercise.
Speaking about this, one of my course mates was hospitalized due to punctuated lung. What was thought as fatigue and merely treated as normal chest pain, turned out to be something quite serious. For that if air in the punctuated lung is not being released, it will be accumulated and swell will occur, resulting in more complications. A tube was inserted to his non-working lung, hoping to release the air out, but somehow not all of it was being released. He underwent a pinhole operation yesterday, with 3 holes cut on his chest, to stitch up the lung.
Sometimes i just wonder all the tough trainings we forced ourselves to get through it, is it all worth it. Pride may be on the line to perform, but is it worth exchanging it for something which you will have to live with it for the rest of your life. Worst case, leaving behind your love ones, just for the word pride.
Last note about army, before this starts to bored you to tears, i just wish to touch on the point about behaving and acting like an officer. I felt that most of the people in OCS, they don't really have what it takes to be an officer of the armed forces. Not because their fitness is bad nor their knowledge or leadership is weak, in fact they excelled in all these, but what's commonly lacking in them is discipline and proper behaviour.
More than often, i would dare to say, as long as you're someone who can run a lot and run fast, everything else doesn't really matters. Fitness is always the first thing they judge you. Well, this isn't something new especially so when one is in the military business. How screwed up your marching, how crumpled your uniform, how sucky your attitude are, they all don't seems to be placed with much importance. Take my course mate as an example. I'm not going to mention his name here, but he's someone who will probably sit in the parliament someday, and someone who might be leading Singapore 20 years down the road. If you have been reading my blog, you would have know who i'm referring to.
Always arguing against the instructions given, lifting a leg on the front row of seats shaking them vigorously, putting on a super faded and creased uniform for parade, self cut his own hair trying to escape from being caught with long hair, and hurling away his vulgarities, how do you see him as an officer, not to even mention some political personnel if he would to be one in time to come.
Not trying to arrow him for all these faults, but i'm sure if you're someone whose dad is the leader of the country and is commented as a good Officer during his military career, i'm sure he could have done alot more to act more appropriately not just an officer-to-be, but also as role model for others to follow.
Side-tracking just a little, i'm getting pretty irritated with some cab drivers in Singapore. Having took quite a number of cab trips back and forth to camp since i enter national service, i'm starting to get annoyed with some drivers, especially those Mercedes cab drivers. I used to think that they should be the better drivers, not just in terms of experience on the road, but also the service and the attitude.
Do you often get questions from the drivers like, "Eh, do you want to go by PIE, or CTE?", "So you want to exit from here or there. Some customers like to exit there." or "Is that a single lane or double lane?"
Not that i'm critical to this tiny details, but i'm just wondering, the moment i board the cab, told the driver the destination i'm heading to, shouldn't he be the one suggesting to me the fastest route to it, instead of asking me? And if he's not sure which way to go, he should have just double check with me, instead of just moving on and then later make all the wrong turns. Worse still, talking on the phone, not playing attention to the traffic, resulting not accidents but missing turns and making a big round-about. And the worst they can do, is just charge the price on the meter even though it's their mistake of going big rounds.
I used to meet better cab drivers last time. One offered me sweets, another adjusting the air-con after realising that i'm trying to catch a wink, and one even suggested me to go for a nap and wake me again, for knowing that the journey is long and i just got out from camp. So am i too much to say that i just hope that cab drivers can be more initiative to provide better service, especially since the raise in the charges. Booking a cab at peak hour costs you $8.50 the moment you step into the cab. How's that for exchange of slightly better service? Be your own judge.
Last but not least, the thought i had in mind: "There are a lot better things in life than giving so much for a person."
In this cruel world occupied with majority of human race, it's not difficult to see that most of us are ruled by feelings. We always do what we wanted, even though it does really seems stupid or not logically at all. More than often, we are trying so hard to get something which is never ours, yet neglecting those we should have hold dear to. Like it or not, because humans are the governed by feelings, we will have our fair share of joys and sorrows. Not many creatures in this world do cry and laugh. And since we have the luxury to do so, the best we can do, is just to laugh our way off the sorrows and treat life like a game, with no restart. So live it once and live it good.
Till then.
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