Duty honour country

Been a hectic long 2 weeks, with quite a fair bit of punishments and late night sleeps. Can't recall much of the stuff that happened the week before, so i'll just do a quick update of this whole week.

We were punished to carry FBO around the camp for the entire week, literally volunteered to be punished in our case, for that platoon 2 was the platoon that was caught sleeping and removing their SBOs during Exercise VHF which incidentally had few detachments deployed around Singapore. Thus to "display" course integrity, my platoon volunteered to be part of the punishment as well.

Put that aside, we were also given field pack inspections. And it turned out that i made some enemies indirectly, for that my standard packs were deemed too high standard. "Spoil market" was the common term one will be associated with, when you tend to be doing something overly too good in any scenarios.

Not that i'm that petty about all the sarcastic remarks, i just felt that they don't have what it takes to be an officer. Just to propose a simple case here, would the fastest runner, fittest guy in the course be deemed as spoil market? How come packing of field pack standard items neatly and nicely will be deemed as one then?

Personally, i take pride in my bearing, packing of field pack items, tidying of my cupboard and things which can be done with all the time in the world during free time. Somehow not many will do that though. A very good classic example is the white horse. I hope you guys know who i'm referring to.

Not that i've something against him, and that i shouldn't have mention some negative comments about him here, since he's someone of high regards, i just don't think that he has what it takes to be an officer. Minus his intelligence, maybe he's just an empty shell? Just ask any military personnel what's the minimal standard of an soldier, i bet he failed most of it.

Before i start digressing and go into all the unbecoming behavior of the white horse, i better move on and talk about the FBO punishments. After serving the army for almost a year now, last week was the first time i ran in smart 4, with FBO for around 1km plus. Reason? We were late for a workshop conducted by Chief of Signals. Then again, i questioned the effectiveness of the punishment, for that i personally feel that by making us run back to our accommodation block and back to the workshop classroom, it just make us sweat, cursing the instructor and at the end of the day, hate army even more.

I'm sure anyone out there will agree with me that timing is something you can't train one to meet. It's how reasonable the timing is, and even with that as constant, there's a lot more factors to be considered.

Sleeping for only 2-3 hours for some of the days, and not sleeping at all before Exercise VHF was the highlight for the 2 weeks. I'm pretty fine with that, cause i'm quite trained to be an owl due to gaming before army.

Not forgetting SOC which was conducted during this 2 weeks as well. I managed to pass with just 1 try. Something good considering the ground in this camp is a lot harder with few steep slopes, and of cause i don't have to do it anymore till i commissioned. The only thing left for me now is to cut my 9:52s timing down by 8secs to achieve my IPPT gold.

Last weekend was probably the most fun weekend i had. Sneak out to... Probably not gonna mention it here. Blogs have been pretty much something which is like a double edge sword. Hold it wrongly, you will cut yourself without knowing. But anyway, it was fun and i hope to do it again!

This weekend was pretty boring and hectic as well. Came back from camp around 2230hrs on Friday night, slept for a couple of hours, head back to camp around 0545hrs for my regimental guard duty. Did 4 shifts and end the duty only this morning around 0800hrs.

Made some effort to go down to a market further away from my house on my way home to get some breakfast for my parents. Rest for an hour or plus, went for haircut, and off to get my N-gage for servicing. Yes, it's down again for the third time in less than 3 months. I should get a replacement of it soon. But it's still one of the best, if not the best non-camera phone for me.

Head to borders trying to look for the book titled, "The Fifth Discipline", but just couldn't find it. Was lazy to do a thorough search for it and i head to get the game Xenosaga Episode 3 for a friend. And luck wasn't on my side again. It turned out that the game was Japanese version. In short, the game is useless. Got back home, downloaded some video clips and before i know it, here i am typing this post before i head back to camp again.

That's the life of a signal cadet. If anyone still feels that signal is a slack vocation, think again. In fact, i'm sure i'm not the worse in the whole SAF. The grass is always greener on the other side. Nonetheless, despite not having much time for myself, i hope in the midst of my busy life, i'm still able to do some things for others.

Reciprocate or not, it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that i get to do what i want, eventually getting myself a title of "Santa" perhaps?

Alright, that's all i have. Gotta pack up, head back to camp, study for a 4 hours exam paper tomorrow. Think about it, i never did 4 hours before until i enter army. How contradicting?

And this week is hell week too. 16km route march and turnout expected some time in the week for us to earn our blue berets. If you happen to read this some time this week, just pray silently for me to be here again the next weekend.

Till then.

Predictable

Something isn't right,
I can feel it again.
This isn't the first time,
That you left me waiting.
Sad excuses and false hopes high,
I saw this coming,
Sill I don't know why,
I let you in.

I knew it all along,
I knew something would go wrong,
So you don't have to call,
Or say anything at all.

So take your empty words,
Your broken promises,
And all the time you stole,
Cause I am done with it,
I could give it away,
I'm doing everything I should of,
Now I'm making a change,
Living the day,
I'm giving back what you gave me

Now everywhere I go,
Everyone I meet,
Every time I try to fall in love,
They all want to know why I'm so broken.

Why I'm so cold,
why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared?
What am I afraid of?

I don't even know, this story's never had an end.
I've been waiting,
I've been searching,
I've been hoping,
I've been dreaming you would come back,
But I know the ending of this story.
And you're never coming back,
Never...

Everywhere I go for the rest of my life,
Everyone I love,
Everyone I care about,
They're all gonna want to know what's wrong with me.
And I know what it is,
What it is is right now!


How close can this get? As good as you sees it here. So am i still waiting for this world to stop hating?

Ans: Can't find a good reason, can't find hope to believe in.

Life is like a game sometimes

Happy national day. Doesn't really mean much to me, but as i had my Observer's Parade yesterday in camp just before we book out, i sang the national anthem again for the first time after like 4 years? Kinda emotional to sing it again after some time, and this time in military uniform, it made my Goosebumps stands. Nevertheless, i'll have to do that again on the 9th Dec, for my commissioning parade.

Just some quick updates and thoughts:

9:53s - That's 9 secs off the gold timing (9:44s) for my 2.4km run. Had my IPPT test yesterday and again, i missed my gold due to my 2.4km timing. Since almost a year ago when i enter national service, i have shaved off quite a fair bit for my 2.4km timing. Started at 15:00s, reduced to 13:00s, 12:30s, 11:30s, 11:00s, 10:30s, 10:14s and now finally to my all time best at 9:53s.

Lost count of the number of IPPT tests i had to retest trying to get my gold, probably over 15 tries since i got into army, and hopefully this coming Friday will be the day i finally achieve gold. Personally it's something great, cause i'm never a runner in my life. Sprinter maybe, but i hate to run long distance. And for this year Army Half Marathon, all i can say is that i'm glad i've regimental guard duty on the day before, which automatically excuses me from taking part due to safety concern of not having sufficient rest prior to strenuous exercise.

Speaking about this, one of my course mates was hospitalized due to punctuated lung. What was thought as fatigue and merely treated as normal chest pain, turned out to be something quite serious. For that if air in the punctuated lung is not being released, it will be accumulated and swell will occur, resulting in more complications. A tube was inserted to his non-working lung, hoping to release the air out, but somehow not all of it was being released. He underwent a pinhole operation yesterday, with 3 holes cut on his chest, to stitch up the lung.

Sometimes i just wonder all the tough trainings we forced ourselves to get through it, is it all worth it. Pride may be on the line to perform, but is it worth exchanging it for something which you will have to live with it for the rest of your life. Worst case, leaving behind your love ones, just for the word pride.

Last note about army, before this starts to bored you to tears, i just wish to touch on the point about behaving and acting like an officer. I felt that most of the people in OCS, they don't really have what it takes to be an officer of the armed forces. Not because their fitness is bad nor their knowledge or leadership is weak, in fact they excelled in all these, but what's commonly lacking in them is discipline and proper behaviour.

More than often, i would dare to say, as long as you're someone who can run a lot and run fast, everything else doesn't really matters. Fitness is always the first thing they judge you. Well, this isn't something new especially so when one is in the military business. How screwed up your marching, how crumpled your uniform, how sucky your attitude are, they all don't seems to be placed with much importance. Take my course mate as an example. I'm not going to mention his name here, but he's someone who will probably sit in the parliament someday, and someone who might be leading Singapore 20 years down the road. If you have been reading my blog, you would have know who i'm referring to.

Always arguing against the instructions given, lifting a leg on the front row of seats shaking them vigorously, putting on a super faded and creased uniform for parade, self cut his own hair trying to escape from being caught with long hair, and hurling away his vulgarities, how do you see him as an officer, not to even mention some political personnel if he would to be one in time to come.

Not trying to arrow him for all these faults, but i'm sure if you're someone whose dad is the leader of the country and is commented as a good Officer during his military career, i'm sure he could have done alot more to act more appropriately not just an officer-to-be, but also as role model for others to follow.

Side-tracking just a little, i'm getting pretty irritated with some cab drivers in Singapore. Having took quite a number of cab trips back and forth to camp since i enter national service, i'm starting to get annoyed with some drivers, especially those Mercedes cab drivers. I used to think that they should be the better drivers, not just in terms of experience on the road, but also the service and the attitude.

Do you often get questions from the drivers like, "Eh, do you want to go by PIE, or CTE?", "So you want to exit from here or there. Some customers like to exit there." or "Is that a single lane or double lane?"

Not that i'm critical to this tiny details, but i'm just wondering, the moment i board the cab, told the driver the destination i'm heading to, shouldn't he be the one suggesting to me the fastest route to it, instead of asking me? And if he's not sure which way to go, he should have just double check with me, instead of just moving on and then later make all the wrong turns. Worse still, talking on the phone, not playing attention to the traffic, resulting not accidents but missing turns and making a big round-about. And the worst they can do, is just charge the price on the meter even though it's their mistake of going big rounds.

I used to meet better cab drivers last time. One offered me sweets, another adjusting the air-con after realising that i'm trying to catch a wink, and one even suggested me to go for a nap and wake me again, for knowing that the journey is long and i just got out from camp. So am i too much to say that i just hope that cab drivers can be more initiative to provide better service, especially since the raise in the charges. Booking a cab at peak hour costs you $8.50 the moment you step into the cab. How's that for exchange of slightly better service? Be your own judge.

Last but not least, the thought i had in mind: "There are a lot better things in life than giving so much for a person."

In this cruel world occupied with majority of human race, it's not difficult to see that most of us are ruled by feelings. We always do what we wanted, even though it does really seems stupid or not logically at all. More than often, we are trying so hard to get something which is never ours, yet neglecting those we should have hold dear to. Like it or not, because humans are the governed by feelings, we will have our fair share of joys and sorrows. Not many creatures in this world do cry and laugh. And since we have the luxury to do so, the best we can do, is just to laugh our way off the sorrows and treat life like a game, with no restart. So live it once and live it good.

Till then.

May angels lead you in

The last time i blogged on a weekday was like light years ago. With the amount of free time i had now, not exactly free time actually, we are supposed to read up some materials online as part of our lesson plans, i decided to add an entry over here. So being a "hardworking" soldier, i'm here leaving some thoughts, to beautify my blog and perhaps hopefully add some value-adding contents in my blog, especially after my friend was telling me how dull my blog is.

Just a random thought; "Treat yourself better and people will starting treating you good. Start loving yourself first before loving others, and others would love you even more." So how true it exactly is, in my humble opinion, i think it's relatively true to some extend. Ever wonder why the loner gets more lonely, while the player gets more playful?

Speaking from a loner's point of view, one tends to hide himself away from the unnecessary limelight, and often get emo in just a twitch of the eye. Most of the time he would associate all the negative and unwanted thoughts to whatever stuff that's presented to him and end up having a super pessimistic character in long term.

Just moments ago, i made myself looked like a fool, yet again. What's new. Somehow i misinterpreted a note i saw somewhere and thought that i was the one being mentioned. But after chatting with the person, the whole picture actually changes and i came to an conclusion and that's; no, not even close. "Nice try". After i figured it out, i felt like laughing my head off. Someone should really instill the thinking of i shouldn't "think-too-much" into my thick skull. So much of feeling that i'm a thinker, perhaps like what my PC in OCS said months ago, i should be labelled as "Numbskull" instead.

Face it, i'm always thinking too much at times, may it be constructive to me or not, i always get it wrong. And more than often i felt cheated by it, yet after realising the boo-boo i made, i tried looking back at the same thing from the factual side, i think i'm simply stupid to the core for trying to make it look good for myself. That's explains why i feel like laughing, literally at myself.

Probably most of you reading this are already lost with what i'm trying to say. In short, it boils down to the topic i mentioned in my first paragraph. Perhaps it's better to be selfish, more self-centred, heck care about what's happening around me and lead a hermit lifestyle. It's just tiring trying to be someone. Try being a doormat. I should add this "doormat" to my middle name.

Giving myself the best of stuff, grooming up more, pay more attention to my own stuff rather than others, perhaps it's more constructive to me instead. And maybe if i do, i'll probably lead a better life and with more people more concern with me. Either way, there is always pros and cons, and i reckon in the near future to come, i'll just be who i am now, and let the fate game decides my destiny.

Till then.

...

No contents or much thoughts to post in my blog nowadays. Still going through the same boring routine in army. With tonnes of lectures and numerous signal sets to learn for my course, i'm pretty much lost in them. Dozing off during class and not understanding my work, are definitely not helping me. Rushing through online quizzes and not learning them effectively will probably give me alot of trouble when the crunch time sets in. Somehow things presented to me lately hasn't been that good either. Until i got myself a better goal and mood, this is all i have.

Till then.

Untitled

I'm getting lazy to blog nowadays. Lack of time is definitely not a worthy excuse to cover up the fact, but most of the time it's either i've too much thoughts and they are just too hard to express them down in words or i'm just whining about army issues. End up i'll just suppress them and ignored about it. My friend was telling me how blogging caused unwanted trouble for bloggers, especially those who posted military photos or write about their trainings, which incidentally are confidential to the public. So i guess i have to watch my mouth and be selective on the topics i post here.

Just had a rare catch-up with my secondary buddies, knocking away the balls on the rack. Been ages since i last laid my hands on a cue stick, and i must say time does make one's skill rusty.

Without realizing, we have already left our maiden school for 4 years. Most of us are already embarking on our working lives and for some like me, we are still serving the nation. Some of the guys even signed on as military personnel, while some went into many unexpected careers and blossomed in their own ways.

I'm lost for words again. Too distracted by the music i'm listening to and the news broadcasting in front of me. Make it short and sweet for this post, the primarily reason why i wanted to blog this post was that i just hope to remind you readers, in spite having tight schedules and being busy with your own lives, take a clearer look at your close ones. Trust me, the time you spent with them are never proportional to the time you spent with friends and yourself.

"It seems likes such fun until you lose what you had won."

Till then.

Fate and fortune

Haven't been blogging for ages, came upon a free online fortune telling, and i find it true for most of the analysis, thus i decided to post it here for you guys to reference. How true and accurate is it? Try yours and get your own answer. Superfate Fortune



Your sign is Earth in Chinese Horoscope

Your life is represented by the garden in winter with great ability and able to work under pressure. However, an over devoted spirit could lead to a slight mental imbalance. You keep your word and you like kind and determined people. You look like an easy-going person but you are actually quite determined. It's hard to tell what's on your mind and you tend to keep a low profile.

Your characteristics, subconscious, and behavior modes, according to your fate and destiny, are represented by the garden. The garden is the foundation and home for flower, grass and creation, but people only notice the beautiful flowers, green leaves and not the earth under their feet.

The garden is trampled upon all the time but never complains, so you are just like the garden soil, which provides nutrition to many creatures, but is not appreciated. You sacrifice yourself for others, which brings you many problems when they take advantage of your kindness. Most people neglect your contribution, and only discover your importance when you leave your original position. The main part of a garden is the soil, so you rarely changing, which make you a bit dull to others. You are amiable, smart, and understand things clearly, but keep your thoughts and viewpoints inside your heart. Your appearance is very amiable, but you are very rigid in your heart and will persist and not give up.

You admire people who are heroic, dominating and a bit arrogant, but also respect those who are unselfish and lenient with others. Your entire life is like the garden, not catching too much attention, but cultivated silently in the background. When luck and fortune come, you will be far better off than many others because you have been cultivated over a long period of time.

Health Analysis: The function of your stomach and intestines is weaker.

According to your destiny analysis, the function of your stomach and intestines is weaker, which caused minor problems like bad breath, upset or bloated stomach, and diarrhea when you were young. But over age 40, additional care of your stomach and intestines is needed, or it may lead to major digestive system problems such as esophagus infection, stomach or intestinal infection, gastric ulcer, hemorrhoids, intestines polyp, diabetes. Therefore, you should avoid fatigue and stress, maintain a stable lifestyle and schedule, sleep and wake early, eat regular meals at regular hours, don't drink alcohol, and consume less acidic food and drink in order to protect a congenitally weak digestive system.

There's a saying that all disease starts from the mouth, which means many human diseases are related to food. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, food can be divided into gold, wood, water, fire and earth (concept of the five elements). You seem to prefer the sweet flavors of desserts and other sweets, which means your cells are filled with too much earth element. This negatively affects your health, fortune and career, so we suggest you try different foods to balance your diet and nutrition, which leads to harmony in life and a balance of yin and yang based on the five elements. In addition, if you have recently felt unlucky or things were not going smoothly, then you are probably affected by bad spirit, which caused bad luck. The best solution is not to eat meat and fish for a period of time until the bad spirit goes away. The bad spirit tends to stay with those who eat meat and fish, and also chicken, duck, green onion, garlic, leek and other spices, so a vegetarian diet can help change your luck.

Health Analysis: The function of your respiratory system is weaker as well.

The function of your respiratory system is weaker as well, and you have had minor problems like allergies, runny nose, cough, cold, chest pain, diarrhea and constipation when you were young. But over age 40, additional care of your respiratory system is needed, or it may lead to nasosinutisis, asthma, bronchopneumonia, bronchitis, intestines polyp and proctitis. Therefore, you should avoid fatigue and smoking, maintain a stable, regular lifestyle and schedule, and sleep and wake early in order to protect a congenitally weaker respiratory system.

According to your destiny analysis, your working and living environment tends to be a bit messy and without good air circulation, which is not good for your respiratory system. You tend to be anxious, lack patience and tolerance, which means you don't get along well with friends.

If you want to change your fate and destiny, breath deeply for five minutes per day, maintain good air circulation, and open a window or door in your room. As long as you have sufficient oxygen in your body, your destiny will be completely changed with better health, more wealth and happiness coming into your life.

You and your love interest are mutually attracted and love each other equally. She fully respects you in every way, so you will get along very well. Your love is full of romance, so to be your companion is to be blessed with love and happiness.

In romance, according to our analysis, you are easily attracted to someone you admire in your heart, but you often end up empty-handed because it's quite difficult for both parties to fall in love at first sight. Generally speaking, women do not have deep first impression of you, so they need time to discover your inner beauty. You, however, tend to like a person at the first sight, but not after a period of time. Therefore, if you are still waiting for a good romance, try to show your inner beauty by doing more activities, establishing better habits, and socializing with more people. This way you can express your inner beauty naturally all the time, which makes your romance go more smoothly.

In the journey of life, your romantic or marriage partner might be introduced by relatives and friends, or through matchmaking. You tend to be inexperienced in love, unable to express yourself, and do not know how to actively pursue someone without being too sticky or giving up easily. You have opportunities but are afraid to get hurt, so eventually it is not easy for you to have the spark of love. If you are still seeking your love partner don't rush because someone nearby likes you, so as long as you pursue the relationship sincerely, the happiness is yours.

Career and Wealth Analysis: You know how to make money, but it is not easy for you to hold onto your money.

According to your destiny analysis, you know how to make money, but it is not easy for you to hold onto your money. Your life is more philosophical, so you are not stingy with yourself, family or friends. You spend what you have even when you are financially tight, and are generous when you are financially comfortable. Because of this, it's not easy for you to save your money. In addition, you maybe convinced easily by friends to make some financial investments that cause you to lose money. You like to make many friends, so you easily lose money if you cannot evaluate risk or reject people when they approach you for investment. You will spend most of your wealth doing things you want to do throughout life because you consider only money spent as the wealth actually owned by you. Afterwards, you will not bequest much to your descendants.

Leaving on a jet plane

Got the scare of my life just moments ago. Incidentally, it has to do with my flight to Brunei tonight. As my mobile goes off with an incoming message, i woke up and the clock i stared at reads 06:33. Noticed i didn't indicated the am/pm meter? Obviously it's pm. Yet somehow i thought it's already Tuesday morning, missed my flight and my reporting time at 2359hrs. I jumped off my bed and ran to the kitchen, just to realise i've made a boo-boo. This scene is a classic example of how bad lack of sleep can cause to one.

4 more hours and i'll be away for another 10 days, in a land of M&Ms. Not the melt in your mouth M&Ms, but the land of Mosques and Museums; Brunei. Somehow i'm not worried or anxious about the training over there, i'm more like numbed with the feeling of having to go through another military exercise, and that's all i have in mind. Whether how tough the training will be, how hungry i'll be, how wet i'll get, are no longer important to me. Cause it's just routine to me now.

My concern would be the aftermath from the trip, where i'll have tonnes of load to bring back home, tonnes of laundry and packing to be done, and getting myself ready to report to my new unit, Signal Institute on the 10th of July. I know we Signallers are getting cursed and sweared for this late reporting date, when most of the other vocations are either reporting to their new unit on the day of arrival back to Singapore, 6th July or Friday, 7th July. Call us slackers or what, i'm just glad i got into Signals, and i don't mind having the title "Slacker" as my middle name. Just hate me for this.

Nothing much for this post, probably ending off with some best wishes to a couple of my platoon mates who stayed back in OCS as infantry officers-to-be. I'm convinced that Tango is indeed the model wing in OCS after today's morning trip to Delta wing, and also after bypassing Echo wing, their staircases are basically tattoo-ed with kiwi marks. Anyone who has been to Tango wing can vouch for the fact that our level 1 staircase, in fact all the staircases are kiwi-free. And for this, i'm proud to say, Tangorians book out late every bookout for a reason. Respect us for this.

Something for my readers out there, if you happened to browse my blog and read this post, watch out for the stars. Someone there could be watching over you..

Till then.

Sick Cycle Carousel

As i started reflecting back on what i've done for the first half of the year, it took me no more than a minute to realise time flies, and i'm losing most of what i should have not. The routine just keeps repeating, over and over again.

Begin the year at Air Force school, hopes of becoming a military pilot, with frequent complaints to my peers about the negative sides of being one, and the irony that i signed the probation contract, with no clear intentions of making it my career.

Moving to Australia for 3 weeks, flew for 7.7hrs, leading a mentally-stressed lifestyle, in a not-so-stressed country. The failure cuts deep into me. Questions raised for that, and i moved back with fond memories. Friendships were made, and lost.

Rank stripped and back to reality. 8 to 5 lifestyle for 2 weeks, papers and dust kept me awake. Experienced the much wanted job as clerk in the armed forces, yet it's not my cup of tea, and the fact that i dreaded it.

New posting, and SAFTI was where i called home next. 3 weeks away from home yet again. Familiar faces greeted me along the weeks, with junior peers surrounding me. Leadership questions put forward to us, trainings get tough, and reality sets in.

Appointments held, scolding received, sweat never goes off and time just keeps running. Outfield, outfield and more outfields came. Tough trainings came like meals while running overtook time allocated for sleep.

Live firings made trainings realistic, yet weapons cleaning makes you think again. The last march on the 21st June, concluding the mastery of sleeping on 2 feet, and ending the 14 weeks of hell.

Despite not many highlights, all above mentioned spanned across 6 months. Weekends and book outs were so precious to us, one would allow making any silly minor mistakes, just to ensure he doesn't end up spending more than required in camp. Other than that, the cycle just keep repeating itself. Entertainment and enjoyment were self-declared.

Home is just like hotel is not even good enough to describe for me at times. Catching some sleep on sofa, pack up and off to camp yet again. Nights off were spent in camp, with the convenience of not having to wake up early, rushing down in a cab, just to get myself back to camp in time.

Time when my phone rings, i'm never sober enough to pick them up. Time when i'm looking to unwind myself, i find myself wandering alone in town. Time when i'm expecting good to come, devils came knocking instead. Time when i have to perform, i find myself struggling to even keep myself afloat. Time to call it quits, i hold back. Time to sleep, i tried not to. And when it's time to rest, i find myself nothing to do, and nothing to lose.

Until the cycle breaks, it just goes on and on.

Till then.

Hear you me

Time to blog again. I've got tonnes of thoughts and feeling to note down here. But as i go along, i'm pretty sure i'll cut or forget most of them, but nonetheless, this post shall be another whining by me. Just be warned on an emo post.

Backtracking a little on my platoon field camp 2 weeks ago. I was given exercise PC appointment during day 2 of the outfield. And the mission i had was the Platoon Battle course. Did all the necessary rehearsals, briefed my platoon on the mission, all the possible enemy contact points, and the few danger area crossings to expect.

Thinking that i've done all that i could, i moved out hoping to perform and put up a good show for my PC and instructors. Especially so when just before i head out, one of my instructor, LTA Poh, called me over, told me to complete the mission with my usual composure and even joked to me that the 2 golden full lieutenant exercise PC bars on my shoulders, will be black and mine if i managed to do a good job for the mission.

But of course it wasn't meant to be. After moving out for less than 100 meters, the platoon came to a halt due to numerous training 3-tonners moving along the tracks, and it turned out to be the hiccup of many undesirable events to come. At the first enemy contact point, my point section was contacted and the enemy was across a small stream. I place the MG team as the fire support group, firing just diagonally across the enemy, as i pull a section to do a quick attack.

Mistake number one, i should have pulled the 2 remaining sections along with me. Mistake number two, i should have smoked out the open patch before i cross the area with the assault force. Last but not least, the most deadly mistake i made, i made my section commander of the section i bought over to charge out and take the lead of over-running the enemy. It ended up they charged out heading the wrong direction and the instructor declared all dead except one.

My PC came over and gave me an earful and questioned the fact that why i didn't lead the whole section for the attack but instead leave the section commander to take the lead while i stayed back. My explanation to him was that i didn't get myself involved in the fire fight cause i want to make sure i can tie down reinforcements with the reserve section.

He took it as i wasn't leading by example and being a Platoon Commander, i should have lead my men into the fight instead of just staying behind, for which it's not what a commander should be. And he got so pissed that he shouted at me to strip off the exercise PC rank and called for another platoon mate to take over me.

In front of the whole platoon, i was placed in the most embarrassing moment of having to take off my rank and passed it on to another exercise PC. My instructor, LTA Poh pulled me to a side and talk to me about it. He made me understand that why my PC got so pissed with what i've done, assured me or perhaps consoled me that it's just a case of bad decision, told me not to worry about that and they the instructors will not doubt my capabilities just because of it.

I wasn't really affect by the fact that i was the only guy who got the most scolding from my PC nor the fact that i'm the only guy who got stripped off the exercise PC rank for the whole field camp, i was probably thinking, it's really not easy to be an officer, someone who needs to take care of the other 27 in the platoon and be confident enough to handle many unexpected situations, all by yourself.

For the rest of the exercise i kept thinking and asking myself why did i do that, why didn't i do this and such. And i came out with an answer, and it's none other than, i'm just human. I err and i bleed. Through this, i learnt my lessons, even though it's not a pleasant way to learn things, but i'm sure unless i made this mistake during the exercise, i'll never grow as a good officer.

My PC was very kind to me perhaps favouring me just a little, he gave me another opportunity to perform by assigning me as exercise PC the very next day. Exercise PC for an assault mission. This time round, again i faced so many unforseen turn of events, starting from my Wing Commander interferring with my MG team, which results in them lagging back the platoon far behind, to asking me to deploy MG when crossing danger area, even though i had already got approved to only deploy 2 men when crossing the small tracks with my PC during my brief to him.

Not to mention i missed the H-hour for the mission and despite clearing the enemy with an excellent fire and movement up a 85 meters hill, as praised by my instructors, my PC declared my mission as a failure for not meeting the crucial H-hour. Worse of all, i was declared dead when the fire fight was almost done, and my runner take over me as PC, as the fight goes on, eventually the exercise PS took out as per normal during wartime.

As i took off my helmet after being declared as casualty by my PC, i looked around and witnessed the rest of the platoon putting up a good fire movement up the hill and i told myself, regardless of how screwed up i was, or for what i've done, the assault was classic textbook style. There were proper fire and cover, and enough communication was done to ensure the extended line moved up nicely and no converging was resulted.

The stress to perform and think fast as an officer was felt throughout the whole exercise when i held the PC appointment. Command and control is the key to success, and of cause not forgetting practice makes perfect.

Back to 2 days ago, 9th of June, Friday, my 21st birthday. Coincidentally, we guys get to have our first ever nights out since we stepped into OCS 12 weeks ago. Went to Jurong Point with my platoon, had Billy Bombers and watched the movie "Cars" with some of my platoon mates. Giving myself a treat for my birthday and not until we got back to camp, after 12am, then they realised it's my birthday. But too late, it was already past lights off time, and i escaped any possible unwanted torture from them.

This 21st birthday of mine is somewhat a combination of good and bad. But of cause the bad wasn't really that bad at all, and it's just that i didn't receive any present. Perhaps it's something good as well, at least now i have excuse not to return them presents on their birthdays. So feel guilty if i gave you present on your birthday and you didn't for mine? As if i really mind, and don't try to be bother by it, cause thought that counts do exists in my dictionary.

The good was that i received numerous unexpected greetings. Whether you guys did remember it by heart, through mobile phone reminders, ringo or friendster, just wanna thank you all. If you happened to miss it, just feel free to drop a greeting here now, this will do too.

And sorry to those who wanted to have a meeting with me for it, i really don't have time for it. My life now pretty much evolves around army and time to rest is not that much either. I can only limit myself to do this and then to sacrifice that. And for this, i find myself most of the time alone. Reason being i have to reject meeting up every now and then, and when i initialed a meet up, i get rejected. So much about what goes around, comes around?

Just as i was relating to my friend, i find myself so different as compared to just a year ago. I'm getting lazier with thoughts, and most of the time i find myself questioning and finding reasons for doing this and that. I'm just following through motions, and taking what's being thrown at me. Good or bad, i just accepted it and no questions asked.

On Friday itself, i was summoned to my PC office. He did a feedback on my assessment for the platoon field camp exercise PC. I managed to score 68% out of the possible 100%, and he mentioned a couple of things. He advised me to be harsher and firm when it comes to business. Revealing to me a little about the peer appraisal by my platoon mates, he told me that i'm quite likable in the platoon, and i'm definitely by no means near the category of condemned personnel.

Even though i failed my mission, he did score me quite high for the assessment. And also complimenting me as one of his few best cadets he had, i felt guilty and disappointed for not performing to my best of capabilities when i'm holding appointment.

Alright that's all for the moment. Congratulations to those who commissioned yesterday.

Till then.