Lee Bai's Poem
(Chinese Version)
Chuang qian ming yue guang
Yi shi di shang shuang
Ju tou wang ming yue
Di tou shi gu xiang
(English Version)
The moon light is pouring down on my bedside
Like white frost spreading on the ground
I look up the bright round moon in the sky
And lower my head thinking of my dear hometown
(Singlish (Phua Chu Kang) Version)
Bedfront Moon Bright Bright
Think Is Floor White White
Lift Head See Moon Moon
Bow Head Miss Home Home...
(Ah-Beng Version)
Bedfront Orr Pi Sai (pick nose)
Think Think Go Pang Sai
Pick Up Tai Gor Tai (handphone)
BS While Lau Sai
(Latest Reservist Army Version)
Bedfront Lau Bark Sai (tears drop)
Thinking About Exercise(reservist mobilization)
Drop Dead Look Into The Sky (run until no
breathe)
Tong Kor Sia Lang Zai? (my heartache nobody knows)
(Osama version)
No friend at my side
Think think Bush will fight
Lift head but where to hide?
This time don't know when will die ?
(Bush version)
Can't sleep since that night
Think think where he hide ?
Bomb bomb friends will say I pai
No choice ask them go fly kite
Thursday, February 05, 2004
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
HOW BAD IS YOUR TEMPER ACCORDING TO YOUR HOROSCOPE
ARIES MARCH 21 – APRIL 20
Nothing seems to ruffle you more than a lack of discipline, disloyalty and decorum. But Arians are also known to go into a rage very easily when challenged. Those of you who have been on the receiving end of the Aries temper know that if not calmed down they can even get violent. But one thing is certain if the opponent remains calm and does not react to their outburst, Arians cool down very fast. They are also the first to apologise, which makes them easier to forgive.
TAURUS APRIL 21 – MAY 20
You are generally quiet and have control over your emotions. It is difficult to predict what will upset you, so when you do lose your cool, people don’t know how to react. Your temper is like that of a raging bull, and anyone trying to pacify you will be the first one to get a verbal bashing. You generally get upset when you are concerned or when people accuse you of doing something wrong. You also hate being reminded about mistakes you’ve made in the past. You also have the potential to be terribly vindictive if rubbed the wrong way.
GEMINI MAY 21 – June 29
You are recognised by your cheerful disposition and your jovial nature is easily susceptible to anger. In fact, you are the best person to have around when there is an ugly scene at a party you can bring the warring factions together quite diplomatically. But when you lose cool, you yell and scream and will not listen to reason. You must have the last word in a wordy duel. Your capacity to argue aggressively is matched only by your seductive charm.
CANCER JUNE 21 – JULY 21
Considering how charming, caring and kind you are, you dislike unpleasant scenes, much less creating one yourself. You have great tolerance and rarely get provoked into losing your temper. If someone is unreasonable or trying to create trouble, you are more likely to walk away quietly. But that does not mean you do not have a temper. When angry, in your effort to control your emotions, you tremble, your hands get sweaty and sometimes you fumble for words. Tears roll down your eyes easily and the opponent is touched by your innocence and will seek an apology immediately.
LEO JULY 22 – AUGUST 21
If anyone has total control over their emotions, it is you. But then, you can be described as stiff, cold and uncaring. You are known to lack spontaneity but you really don’t care about opinions. You don’t like to create scenes and will never accept invitations to a party where you suspect the presence of an unruly lot. But your very presence seems challenging to some and they take vicarious pleasure in your disquiet. When angry you can use critical language. A dressingdown can humiliate your opponent, causing a strain between both of you forever.
VIRGO AUGUST 22 – SEPTEMBER 21
Most of you are gentle and have full control over your emotions but those of you given to temper tantrums can certainly get violent. When see things with rage, you yell and shout and tend to break things lying close at hand. You can even harm yourself by banging your hands on a glass top table or wall. You should never get into any argument, for you are a sore loser. You feel that others are trying to persecute you and don’t quite respect your opinions. When hurt, you can also hold grudges forever.
LIBRA SEPTEMBER 22 – OCTOBER 22
Did someone say that you are the charmers of the zodiac? Well, it’s true. Few have ever seen you ruffled or angry. You are very conscious of your image, and you believe that anger distorts your face and personality. You also think you are above things like anger. But wait before you get into self-congratulatory mood. Your family or those very close to you know you better. You have an unmatched temper amongst all the zodiac signs, and what makes it worse is your capacity to justify it.
SCORPIO OCTOBER 23 – NOVEMBER 21
Of course you don’t lose your cool. But your very demeanour (manner) projects hauhtiness (arrogance, pride), pride and grand disdain (disregard) for lesser mortals (human). Others are often found saying that anger sits on your nose and you are raring to give your piece mind to the first person who try to be funny with you. You are selective in the choice of your friends, and have a low tolerance for the superflous (extra) types. Your tongue-lashing (attack) is generally in a soft hissing tone for when you scream, your voice tends to get shrill and loud and you do hate drawing attention to yourself! When upset, you are angrier with yourself for having shown weakness, for the last thing that Scorpio wants to show is being out of control.
SAGITTARIUS NOVEMBER 22 – DECEMBER 20
You are insensible and generally have no complete control over your emotions. You do get angry quickly and others marvel at your anger levels even when provoked. Actually, you get tongue-tied when angry and you will remove your anger waiting for the other person to calm down. Then you will reason with your opponent and convince the other person in a very gentle manner that the whole thing was just his mistake. You’re also likely to totally sever ties with someone when you’re upset with them.
CAPRICORN DECEMBER 21 – JANUARY 19
Few will believe that a hardcore practical and materialistic person like you is capable of sensitivity and genuine emotions. You project a hard exterior but are actually very sensitive, a trait you successfully hide from others. You can see thing with anger but will not betray your feelings. But then, there are times that even you cannot control your temper. Under such circumstances you can shout and scream, more with frustration at the situation than with anger at any particular person. Your outbursts can shock others and can make them feel guilty too.
AQUARIUS JANUARY 20 – FEBRUARY 18
You are noble and kind and dislike losing control over yur emotions. It is very rare for you to get angry. You are also the pacifier in situations that involve arguments. It is always your endeavour to be perfect and socially correct in your behaviour and attitude, but if misunderstood and slighted you can give in to an angry outburst. You will shout and scream and then walk out from the scene. You cannot easily forget the situation and will be bitter about it for a long time.
PISCES FEBRUARY 19 – MARCH 20
The only thing that can be said about you dreamers is that you appear even more attractive when angry. You are very sensitive to others’ feelings, so you rarely hurt them. But when others tend to hurt you, then things take a nasty turn. You will yell and use harsh words and feel inclined to shake everything and everyone up. Your creative imagination is at its best when angry, and you tend to get pretty dramatic. When upset, you refuse to listen to reason and wish to be left alone. But once you calm down, you repent your tantrums and seek forgiveness. SO nobody can be upset with you for too long.
So how true is it?
ARIES MARCH 21 – APRIL 20
Nothing seems to ruffle you more than a lack of discipline, disloyalty and decorum. But Arians are also known to go into a rage very easily when challenged. Those of you who have been on the receiving end of the Aries temper know that if not calmed down they can even get violent. But one thing is certain if the opponent remains calm and does not react to their outburst, Arians cool down very fast. They are also the first to apologise, which makes them easier to forgive.
TAURUS APRIL 21 – MAY 20
You are generally quiet and have control over your emotions. It is difficult to predict what will upset you, so when you do lose your cool, people don’t know how to react. Your temper is like that of a raging bull, and anyone trying to pacify you will be the first one to get a verbal bashing. You generally get upset when you are concerned or when people accuse you of doing something wrong. You also hate being reminded about mistakes you’ve made in the past. You also have the potential to be terribly vindictive if rubbed the wrong way.
GEMINI MAY 21 – June 29
You are recognised by your cheerful disposition and your jovial nature is easily susceptible to anger. In fact, you are the best person to have around when there is an ugly scene at a party you can bring the warring factions together quite diplomatically. But when you lose cool, you yell and scream and will not listen to reason. You must have the last word in a wordy duel. Your capacity to argue aggressively is matched only by your seductive charm.
CANCER JUNE 21 – JULY 21
Considering how charming, caring and kind you are, you dislike unpleasant scenes, much less creating one yourself. You have great tolerance and rarely get provoked into losing your temper. If someone is unreasonable or trying to create trouble, you are more likely to walk away quietly. But that does not mean you do not have a temper. When angry, in your effort to control your emotions, you tremble, your hands get sweaty and sometimes you fumble for words. Tears roll down your eyes easily and the opponent is touched by your innocence and will seek an apology immediately.
LEO JULY 22 – AUGUST 21
If anyone has total control over their emotions, it is you. But then, you can be described as stiff, cold and uncaring. You are known to lack spontaneity but you really don’t care about opinions. You don’t like to create scenes and will never accept invitations to a party where you suspect the presence of an unruly lot. But your very presence seems challenging to some and they take vicarious pleasure in your disquiet. When angry you can use critical language. A dressingdown can humiliate your opponent, causing a strain between both of you forever.
VIRGO AUGUST 22 – SEPTEMBER 21
Most of you are gentle and have full control over your emotions but those of you given to temper tantrums can certainly get violent. When see things with rage, you yell and shout and tend to break things lying close at hand. You can even harm yourself by banging your hands on a glass top table or wall. You should never get into any argument, for you are a sore loser. You feel that others are trying to persecute you and don’t quite respect your opinions. When hurt, you can also hold grudges forever.
LIBRA SEPTEMBER 22 – OCTOBER 22
Did someone say that you are the charmers of the zodiac? Well, it’s true. Few have ever seen you ruffled or angry. You are very conscious of your image, and you believe that anger distorts your face and personality. You also think you are above things like anger. But wait before you get into self-congratulatory mood. Your family or those very close to you know you better. You have an unmatched temper amongst all the zodiac signs, and what makes it worse is your capacity to justify it.
SCORPIO OCTOBER 23 – NOVEMBER 21
Of course you don’t lose your cool. But your very demeanour (manner) projects hauhtiness (arrogance, pride), pride and grand disdain (disregard) for lesser mortals (human). Others are often found saying that anger sits on your nose and you are raring to give your piece mind to the first person who try to be funny with you. You are selective in the choice of your friends, and have a low tolerance for the superflous (extra) types. Your tongue-lashing (attack) is generally in a soft hissing tone for when you scream, your voice tends to get shrill and loud and you do hate drawing attention to yourself! When upset, you are angrier with yourself for having shown weakness, for the last thing that Scorpio wants to show is being out of control.
SAGITTARIUS NOVEMBER 22 – DECEMBER 20
You are insensible and generally have no complete control over your emotions. You do get angry quickly and others marvel at your anger levels even when provoked. Actually, you get tongue-tied when angry and you will remove your anger waiting for the other person to calm down. Then you will reason with your opponent and convince the other person in a very gentle manner that the whole thing was just his mistake. You’re also likely to totally sever ties with someone when you’re upset with them.
CAPRICORN DECEMBER 21 – JANUARY 19
Few will believe that a hardcore practical and materialistic person like you is capable of sensitivity and genuine emotions. You project a hard exterior but are actually very sensitive, a trait you successfully hide from others. You can see thing with anger but will not betray your feelings. But then, there are times that even you cannot control your temper. Under such circumstances you can shout and scream, more with frustration at the situation than with anger at any particular person. Your outbursts can shock others and can make them feel guilty too.
AQUARIUS JANUARY 20 – FEBRUARY 18
You are noble and kind and dislike losing control over yur emotions. It is very rare for you to get angry. You are also the pacifier in situations that involve arguments. It is always your endeavour to be perfect and socially correct in your behaviour and attitude, but if misunderstood and slighted you can give in to an angry outburst. You will shout and scream and then walk out from the scene. You cannot easily forget the situation and will be bitter about it for a long time.
PISCES FEBRUARY 19 – MARCH 20
The only thing that can be said about you dreamers is that you appear even more attractive when angry. You are very sensitive to others’ feelings, so you rarely hurt them. But when others tend to hurt you, then things take a nasty turn. You will yell and use harsh words and feel inclined to shake everything and everyone up. Your creative imagination is at its best when angry, and you tend to get pretty dramatic. When upset, you refuse to listen to reason and wish to be left alone. But once you calm down, you repent your tantrums and seek forgiveness. SO nobody can be upset with you for too long.
So how true is it?
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Oxford Dictionary's latest definition
Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following
words:
* Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
* Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with
fire at one end & a fool on the other.
* Lecture: An art of transferring information from the
notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through "the minds of either"
*Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by
the number present.
* Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way
that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
* Conference Room: A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
* Classic: A book which people praise, but do not
read.
* Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to
open their mouth.
* Committee: Individuals who can do nothing
individually and sit to decide that nothing can be
done together.
* Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
* Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during
life, to be spoken of when dead.
* Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he
accidentally falls into a river.
* Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel
tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
* Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die
rich.
* Father: A banker provided by nature.
* Criminal: A guy no different from the rest...except
that he got caught.
* Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and
late when you are early.
* Politician: One who shakes your hand before
elections and your confidence after.
* Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and
kills you w! ith his bills.
Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following
words:
* Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
* Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with
fire at one end & a fool on the other.
* Lecture: An art of transferring information from the
notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through "the minds of either"
*Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by
the number present.
* Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way
that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
* Conference Room: A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
* Classic: A book which people praise, but do not
read.
* Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to
open their mouth.
* Committee: Individuals who can do nothing
individually and sit to decide that nothing can be
done together.
* Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
* Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during
life, to be spoken of when dead.
* Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he
accidentally falls into a river.
* Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel
tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
* Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die
rich.
* Father: A banker provided by nature.
* Criminal: A guy no different from the rest...except
that he got caught.
* Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and
late when you are early.
* Politician: One who shakes your hand before
elections and your confidence after.
* Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and
kills you w! ith his bills.
Miss Worlds' Final Questions.
This is what I called creative thinking.
Same question, different answers.
Looking at things from another perspective and what's more...
the Singapore one is very very true...
Question : Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms America : Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms America : Because it stands every time it sees a woman........
(Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Spain : Male organs in our country are like our very own Bullfight or Toro(Bull).
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Spain : Because it charges every time it sees an opening.
(Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Philippines, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Philippines : Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like gossip or rumors.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Philippines : Because it passes from mouth to mouth.
(Applause! Applause! Standing Ovation! Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Iran, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Iran : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Iran : Because they like to enter through the back door.
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms India, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms India : Well, I can say the male organs in India are like labourers.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms India : Because it works day and night......
(Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Malaysia : Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysia are like Proton car.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Malaysia : Look tough but actually very soft.
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Singapore,how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Singapore : Well, I can say that male organ in Singapore is very Kiasu (Afraid to lose).
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Singapore : It always wants to rush in quick and leave 15 minutes before the show is over.
(Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!)
This is what I called creative thinking.
Same question, different answers.
Looking at things from another perspective and what's more...
the Singapore one is very very true...
Question : Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms America : Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms America : Because it stands every time it sees a woman........
(Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Spain : Male organs in our country are like our very own Bullfight or Toro(Bull).
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Spain : Because it charges every time it sees an opening.
(Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Philippines, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Philippines : Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like gossip or rumors.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Philippines : Because it passes from mouth to mouth.
(Applause! Applause! Standing Ovation! Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Iran, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Iran : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Iran : Because they like to enter through the back door.
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms India, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms India : Well, I can say the male organs in India are like labourers.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms India : Because it works day and night......
(Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Malaysia : Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysia are like Proton car.
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Malaysia : Look tough but actually very soft.
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)
Question : Ms Singapore,how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Singapore : Well, I can say that male organ in Singapore is very Kiasu (Afraid to lose).
Question : How can you say so?
Ms Singapore : It always wants to rush in quick and leave 15 minutes before the show is over.
(Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!)
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Time Never Goes Back
I received an email.. after sorting much of my email, I got this story which I think its pretty interesting...
After reading, I could relate my life with the story...Then, do self reflection after having completed reading
this article!
Once upon a time, there was a teacher and his student lying down under a big tree near a big grass area.
Then, suddenly, the student asked the teacher,
Student : Teacher, I'm confused, how can we find our soul-mate? Can you please help me?
Teacher : (Silent for few second, than he answer) Well, it's a pretty hard and easy question.
Student : (Thinking hard) Huh???
Teacher : Look on that way, there are a lot of grass there, why don't you walk there but please never walk backward, just walk straight ahead. On your way, try to find a beautiful grass and pick it up then give it to me. But just one.
Student : Well, ok then... wait for me... (walked straight ahead to the grass field).
A few minutes later...
Student : I'm back.
Teacher : Em, well I don't see any beautiful grass on your hand.
Student : On my journey, I found few beautiful grass, but I thought that I would find a better one, so I didn't pick it up. But I didn't realize that I'm at the end of the field, and I hadn't picked up any. Cause you told me not to go back, so I didn't go back.
Teacher : That's what happened in real life.
What is the message of this story?
* Grass - is people around you
* Beautiful Grass - is people that attract you
* Grass Field - is time
* In looking for your soulmate, please don't always compare and hope that there will be a better one. By doing that, you'll waste your lifetime, cause remember "Time Never Goes Back".
It applies the same in finding your ideal life partner, your suitable career or business, therefore the morale is LOVE & grab hold of the opportunity that you have now, don't waste time!
~There Can Be Only One~
I received an email.. after sorting much of my email, I got this story which I think its pretty interesting...
After reading, I could relate my life with the story...Then, do self reflection after having completed reading
this article!
Once upon a time, there was a teacher and his student lying down under a big tree near a big grass area.
Then, suddenly, the student asked the teacher,
Student : Teacher, I'm confused, how can we find our soul-mate? Can you please help me?
Teacher : (Silent for few second, than he answer) Well, it's a pretty hard and easy question.
Student : (Thinking hard) Huh???
Teacher : Look on that way, there are a lot of grass there, why don't you walk there but please never walk backward, just walk straight ahead. On your way, try to find a beautiful grass and pick it up then give it to me. But just one.
Student : Well, ok then... wait for me... (walked straight ahead to the grass field).
A few minutes later...
Student : I'm back.
Teacher : Em, well I don't see any beautiful grass on your hand.
Student : On my journey, I found few beautiful grass, but I thought that I would find a better one, so I didn't pick it up. But I didn't realize that I'm at the end of the field, and I hadn't picked up any. Cause you told me not to go back, so I didn't go back.
Teacher : That's what happened in real life.
What is the message of this story?
* Grass - is people around you
* Beautiful Grass - is people that attract you
* Grass Field - is time
* In looking for your soulmate, please don't always compare and hope that there will be a better one. By doing that, you'll waste your lifetime, cause remember "Time Never Goes Back".
It applies the same in finding your ideal life partner, your suitable career or business, therefore the morale is LOVE & grab hold of the opportunity that you have now, don't waste time!
~There Can Be Only One~
Monday, January 12, 2004
Thursday, January 08, 2004
SEX Nightmares~
NIGHTMARE #1
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over,
pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his
lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches
sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. naturally,
the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired
nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend
then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away
at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
NIGHTMARE #2
The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was
trying to think of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work,
and found his wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself, "what
should I do?" "Oh-I know."
He proceeded to get under the covers and go down
on his wife. Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in
pleasure.
After a few minutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she
climaxed.
Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom to brush
his teeth. When he got there, the light was on and he saw his
wife there shaving her legs.
He exclaimed, "What are you doing in here?!?"
She said, "Shhhh!," pointing at the bed, "You'll
wake your mother"
NIGHTMARE #3
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to
kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts
feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his
hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would
you give me a blow job?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad?
My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
He asks grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we
get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all
sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I
just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?"
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her
pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go
ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom
says she can come down herself and do it.
But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"
HOw's That??
NIGHTMARE #1
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over,
pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his
lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches
sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. naturally,
the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired
nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend
then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away
at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
NIGHTMARE #2
The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was
trying to think of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work,
and found his wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself, "what
should I do?" "Oh-I know."
He proceeded to get under the covers and go down
on his wife. Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in
pleasure.
After a few minutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she
climaxed.
Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom to brush
his teeth. When he got there, the light was on and he saw his
wife there shaving her legs.
He exclaimed, "What are you doing in here?!?"
She said, "Shhhh!," pointing at the bed, "You'll
wake your mother"
NIGHTMARE #3
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to
kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts
feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his
hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would
you give me a blow job?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad?
My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
He asks grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we
get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all
sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I
just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?"
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her
pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go
ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom
says she can come down herself and do it.
But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"
HOw's That??
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