3 months

It's been some time since i last blog. Why i put the title as 3 months, cause i think the last 3 months was like roller coaster ride. All the ups and downs. But i guess it has finally settled down. School is starting this coming Monday, maybe its time to get back to my school bag and stop being a jerk. In case you guys aren't aware, these few days i acting like a barbarian. So word of caution, just don't step on my tail for the next few days. Shall indulge myself into living my own world. Back to the hermit days and be a loner.

Year 2008 already, and this is post number 287 since i created this blog. Been so long. I wonder how many of you have actually read through all my posts. Most of my posts especially during 2005 held alot of my emotions. Yet lately when so many things happened, i just don't feel like blogging over here.

So what probed me to come back here again? I guess i have to live my own life, get back into shape again. They always say got friends, got family to fall back to when anything happens, but for me, i fall back to myself, and found myself kneeling on the ground. Sounds emo? Not if you know what i meant.

Back to who i was in the past, back to blogging my stupid emo thoughts, back to trying to be perfect but nothing was worth it. Can someone just show me the timeline of my life? I seriously want to know when's the ending. Seems to be nearer each day.

This 3 months, was so dramatic i think i can make a film out of it. Yet the storyline remains so uncertain even now as i'm typing this, i just can't help but hope things will be better as time goes. But comon', life's no fairy tale. Even those dramas in the tv are kinda bullshit ain't it?

If you are question or wondering why i sound so pissed, fierce or anything in this post, all i can tell you is that try being me. Try going through this period of time, try doing things i did, try imagine me. Of cause i know along the way, people got hurt too. And since i'm not a Saint or anything, i can't claim all the credits. If you're one of those who suffered, i'm really sorry, and i hope time will heal all wounds.

Living is such a chore that you keep wanting to make the best out of life, yet more than often, you don't get what you wish or hope to. Simple things like eating a plate of chicken rice can be so unsatisfying for that your heart wants to eat chicken chop. Staying awake trying to think of someone when someone is already sleeping sound and tight. Given $5, one will yearn for $10 or more.

Trying so hard to prove to someone your capabilities yet you only prove yourself to be the biggest fool. Trying so hard to make things right, yet you only managed to make things even worse. Trying so hard to convince yourself you're right, yet you only managed to convince yourself you're wrong. Trying to be perfect but nothing was worth it.

January is rainy season. And i see lotsa of unhappiness everywhere. Is there really nothing to be happy about? Nothing to be happy for? I guess the only thing i want to say before i end is that, if things are meant to be, it will be. Trying to be smart again, but who really do believe in this nonsense. As humans, we tend to put things our hands and try to gain our own destiny, who will simply laid back and wait for things to happen.

Last note, if love is something that brings two together, what's the thing that separate them? Hate is not the key to this question. Try harder and you might get it too.

Till then.