Duty honour country

Been a hectic long 2 weeks, with quite a fair bit of punishments and late night sleeps. Can't recall much of the stuff that happened the week before, so i'll just do a quick update of this whole week.

We were punished to carry FBO around the camp for the entire week, literally volunteered to be punished in our case, for that platoon 2 was the platoon that was caught sleeping and removing their SBOs during Exercise VHF which incidentally had few detachments deployed around Singapore. Thus to "display" course integrity, my platoon volunteered to be part of the punishment as well.

Put that aside, we were also given field pack inspections. And it turned out that i made some enemies indirectly, for that my standard packs were deemed too high standard. "Spoil market" was the common term one will be associated with, when you tend to be doing something overly too good in any scenarios.

Not that i'm that petty about all the sarcastic remarks, i just felt that they don't have what it takes to be an officer. Just to propose a simple case here, would the fastest runner, fittest guy in the course be deemed as spoil market? How come packing of field pack standard items neatly and nicely will be deemed as one then?

Personally, i take pride in my bearing, packing of field pack items, tidying of my cupboard and things which can be done with all the time in the world during free time. Somehow not many will do that though. A very good classic example is the white horse. I hope you guys know who i'm referring to.

Not that i've something against him, and that i shouldn't have mention some negative comments about him here, since he's someone of high regards, i just don't think that he has what it takes to be an officer. Minus his intelligence, maybe he's just an empty shell? Just ask any military personnel what's the minimal standard of an soldier, i bet he failed most of it.

Before i start digressing and go into all the unbecoming behavior of the white horse, i better move on and talk about the FBO punishments. After serving the army for almost a year now, last week was the first time i ran in smart 4, with FBO for around 1km plus. Reason? We were late for a workshop conducted by Chief of Signals. Then again, i questioned the effectiveness of the punishment, for that i personally feel that by making us run back to our accommodation block and back to the workshop classroom, it just make us sweat, cursing the instructor and at the end of the day, hate army even more.

I'm sure anyone out there will agree with me that timing is something you can't train one to meet. It's how reasonable the timing is, and even with that as constant, there's a lot more factors to be considered.

Sleeping for only 2-3 hours for some of the days, and not sleeping at all before Exercise VHF was the highlight for the 2 weeks. I'm pretty fine with that, cause i'm quite trained to be an owl due to gaming before army.

Not forgetting SOC which was conducted during this 2 weeks as well. I managed to pass with just 1 try. Something good considering the ground in this camp is a lot harder with few steep slopes, and of cause i don't have to do it anymore till i commissioned. The only thing left for me now is to cut my 9:52s timing down by 8secs to achieve my IPPT gold.

Last weekend was probably the most fun weekend i had. Sneak out to... Probably not gonna mention it here. Blogs have been pretty much something which is like a double edge sword. Hold it wrongly, you will cut yourself without knowing. But anyway, it was fun and i hope to do it again!

This weekend was pretty boring and hectic as well. Came back from camp around 2230hrs on Friday night, slept for a couple of hours, head back to camp around 0545hrs for my regimental guard duty. Did 4 shifts and end the duty only this morning around 0800hrs.

Made some effort to go down to a market further away from my house on my way home to get some breakfast for my parents. Rest for an hour or plus, went for haircut, and off to get my N-gage for servicing. Yes, it's down again for the third time in less than 3 months. I should get a replacement of it soon. But it's still one of the best, if not the best non-camera phone for me.

Head to borders trying to look for the book titled, "The Fifth Discipline", but just couldn't find it. Was lazy to do a thorough search for it and i head to get the game Xenosaga Episode 3 for a friend. And luck wasn't on my side again. It turned out that the game was Japanese version. In short, the game is useless. Got back home, downloaded some video clips and before i know it, here i am typing this post before i head back to camp again.

That's the life of a signal cadet. If anyone still feels that signal is a slack vocation, think again. In fact, i'm sure i'm not the worse in the whole SAF. The grass is always greener on the other side. Nonetheless, despite not having much time for myself, i hope in the midst of my busy life, i'm still able to do some things for others.

Reciprocate or not, it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that i get to do what i want, eventually getting myself a title of "Santa" perhaps?

Alright, that's all i have. Gotta pack up, head back to camp, study for a 4 hours exam paper tomorrow. Think about it, i never did 4 hours before until i enter army. How contradicting?

And this week is hell week too. 16km route march and turnout expected some time in the week for us to earn our blue berets. If you happen to read this some time this week, just pray silently for me to be here again the next weekend.

Till then.

Predictable

Something isn't right,
I can feel it again.
This isn't the first time,
That you left me waiting.
Sad excuses and false hopes high,
I saw this coming,
Sill I don't know why,
I let you in.

I knew it all along,
I knew something would go wrong,
So you don't have to call,
Or say anything at all.

So take your empty words,
Your broken promises,
And all the time you stole,
Cause I am done with it,
I could give it away,
I'm doing everything I should of,
Now I'm making a change,
Living the day,
I'm giving back what you gave me

Now everywhere I go,
Everyone I meet,
Every time I try to fall in love,
They all want to know why I'm so broken.

Why I'm so cold,
why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared?
What am I afraid of?

I don't even know, this story's never had an end.
I've been waiting,
I've been searching,
I've been hoping,
I've been dreaming you would come back,
But I know the ending of this story.
And you're never coming back,
Never...

Everywhere I go for the rest of my life,
Everyone I love,
Everyone I care about,
They're all gonna want to know what's wrong with me.
And I know what it is,
What it is is right now!


How close can this get? As good as you sees it here. So am i still waiting for this world to stop hating?

Ans: Can't find a good reason, can't find hope to believe in.

Life is like a game sometimes

Happy national day. Doesn't really mean much to me, but as i had my Observer's Parade yesterday in camp just before we book out, i sang the national anthem again for the first time after like 4 years? Kinda emotional to sing it again after some time, and this time in military uniform, it made my Goosebumps stands. Nevertheless, i'll have to do that again on the 9th Dec, for my commissioning parade.

Just some quick updates and thoughts:

9:53s - That's 9 secs off the gold timing (9:44s) for my 2.4km run. Had my IPPT test yesterday and again, i missed my gold due to my 2.4km timing. Since almost a year ago when i enter national service, i have shaved off quite a fair bit for my 2.4km timing. Started at 15:00s, reduced to 13:00s, 12:30s, 11:30s, 11:00s, 10:30s, 10:14s and now finally to my all time best at 9:53s.

Lost count of the number of IPPT tests i had to retest trying to get my gold, probably over 15 tries since i got into army, and hopefully this coming Friday will be the day i finally achieve gold. Personally it's something great, cause i'm never a runner in my life. Sprinter maybe, but i hate to run long distance. And for this year Army Half Marathon, all i can say is that i'm glad i've regimental guard duty on the day before, which automatically excuses me from taking part due to safety concern of not having sufficient rest prior to strenuous exercise.

Speaking about this, one of my course mates was hospitalized due to punctuated lung. What was thought as fatigue and merely treated as normal chest pain, turned out to be something quite serious. For that if air in the punctuated lung is not being released, it will be accumulated and swell will occur, resulting in more complications. A tube was inserted to his non-working lung, hoping to release the air out, but somehow not all of it was being released. He underwent a pinhole operation yesterday, with 3 holes cut on his chest, to stitch up the lung.

Sometimes i just wonder all the tough trainings we forced ourselves to get through it, is it all worth it. Pride may be on the line to perform, but is it worth exchanging it for something which you will have to live with it for the rest of your life. Worst case, leaving behind your love ones, just for the word pride.

Last note about army, before this starts to bored you to tears, i just wish to touch on the point about behaving and acting like an officer. I felt that most of the people in OCS, they don't really have what it takes to be an officer of the armed forces. Not because their fitness is bad nor their knowledge or leadership is weak, in fact they excelled in all these, but what's commonly lacking in them is discipline and proper behaviour.

More than often, i would dare to say, as long as you're someone who can run a lot and run fast, everything else doesn't really matters. Fitness is always the first thing they judge you. Well, this isn't something new especially so when one is in the military business. How screwed up your marching, how crumpled your uniform, how sucky your attitude are, they all don't seems to be placed with much importance. Take my course mate as an example. I'm not going to mention his name here, but he's someone who will probably sit in the parliament someday, and someone who might be leading Singapore 20 years down the road. If you have been reading my blog, you would have know who i'm referring to.

Always arguing against the instructions given, lifting a leg on the front row of seats shaking them vigorously, putting on a super faded and creased uniform for parade, self cut his own hair trying to escape from being caught with long hair, and hurling away his vulgarities, how do you see him as an officer, not to even mention some political personnel if he would to be one in time to come.

Not trying to arrow him for all these faults, but i'm sure if you're someone whose dad is the leader of the country and is commented as a good Officer during his military career, i'm sure he could have done alot more to act more appropriately not just an officer-to-be, but also as role model for others to follow.

Side-tracking just a little, i'm getting pretty irritated with some cab drivers in Singapore. Having took quite a number of cab trips back and forth to camp since i enter national service, i'm starting to get annoyed with some drivers, especially those Mercedes cab drivers. I used to think that they should be the better drivers, not just in terms of experience on the road, but also the service and the attitude.

Do you often get questions from the drivers like, "Eh, do you want to go by PIE, or CTE?", "So you want to exit from here or there. Some customers like to exit there." or "Is that a single lane or double lane?"

Not that i'm critical to this tiny details, but i'm just wondering, the moment i board the cab, told the driver the destination i'm heading to, shouldn't he be the one suggesting to me the fastest route to it, instead of asking me? And if he's not sure which way to go, he should have just double check with me, instead of just moving on and then later make all the wrong turns. Worse still, talking on the phone, not playing attention to the traffic, resulting not accidents but missing turns and making a big round-about. And the worst they can do, is just charge the price on the meter even though it's their mistake of going big rounds.

I used to meet better cab drivers last time. One offered me sweets, another adjusting the air-con after realising that i'm trying to catch a wink, and one even suggested me to go for a nap and wake me again, for knowing that the journey is long and i just got out from camp. So am i too much to say that i just hope that cab drivers can be more initiative to provide better service, especially since the raise in the charges. Booking a cab at peak hour costs you $8.50 the moment you step into the cab. How's that for exchange of slightly better service? Be your own judge.

Last but not least, the thought i had in mind: "There are a lot better things in life than giving so much for a person."

In this cruel world occupied with majority of human race, it's not difficult to see that most of us are ruled by feelings. We always do what we wanted, even though it does really seems stupid or not logically at all. More than often, we are trying so hard to get something which is never ours, yet neglecting those we should have hold dear to. Like it or not, because humans are the governed by feelings, we will have our fair share of joys and sorrows. Not many creatures in this world do cry and laugh. And since we have the luxury to do so, the best we can do, is just to laugh our way off the sorrows and treat life like a game, with no restart. So live it once and live it good.

Till then.