Stalemate
Today's my last day of leave before i resume my National Service and it also marks the official suspension of me being a regular back to NSF. My rank would now be reverted back to Private and there goes my single white strap which i have been carrying on my shoulders for close to 3 months. It wasn't a case of how much i can't bear to lose my Officer Cadet rank, it was case of how much i missed my days as a pilot trainee.
Been sitting around home for the past few days and every morning i woke up thinking what to do next. Not exactly what should i do for the rest of the day, but it's more like what would my life be next after my National Service. Even before that, what's my new posting be? OCS or SISPEC? Do i still have what it takes to survive in the gruesome trainings ahead?
I managed to meet up with my close buddies from my secondary days last Saturday after many months of bare minimal contact. We are still pretty much the same childish bunch who still goes LAN gaming, knock some pool balls, gossip about gals and thinking of ways to be rich and such. But of course, we have grown out of being totally immersed into just having fun all day round.
Derrick has applied for NTU's Bachelor of Business for this year university application after some serious thoughts, Eugene has been into shares and in hunt for sponsors for his degree in time to come, Soon tat has of cause got himself a girlfriend and seems to be enjoying most of what he have at the moment. So now's the question of how about me myself?
In 3 months time, i'll be celebrating my adulthood with my 21st birthday, and i reckon it's high time for me to get down to some serious business. For me right now, i think i need to sort out what i really want to do for my degree and start working towards it.
I had a short conversation with my ex yesterday, and i asked her about life in university, in particular to NUS and what's the general trend of courses most take up. She was advising me to stick to my not-so-interesting Computing instead of Business or even Psychology. I was contemplating whether i should do something i'll be more interested doing it or stick to the old-tradition saying of, "go back to where your roots were" and that literally means going back to my IT specialization.
I was chatting with a friend of mine yesterday as well and was happy for her after hearing that she will be going into NIE soon and be a primary school teacher in no time. Somehow it's not difficult to see that she does enjoy being a tutor for a start, thus my gut feeling tells me that she would be into teaching line, it's just a shame that she couldn't be a secondary teacher with the rules imposed by the not-so-flexible NIE with regards to her current degree.
I'm not sure how much she really wants to be a teacher, but one thing for sure, she started with a wrong foot too. So maybe just maybe, i shouldn't be too bothered by whether my choice would ultimately be the best, for that at the end of the day, i'll still end up the same place. It's just a matter of how long or how tough the path i chose turns out to be.
As you guys can see, one of my course mate over at Tamworth left me a tag this morning, and sad to say he didn't make it as well. Seriously if i'm him, probably i'll be quite devastated for that he's already into his 11th sortie. Not that he isn't good enough nor that he ain't sad at all, i bet he did his best and for that he would have no regrets about it. (To Jeremy: Seems like DL will have to give the 3 of us a good treat when you guys are back and for that, this Malay here demand Halal fine dining. Make that a good feast before we blend in with the forest once again.)
I think some of my friends are still not sure if i'm back to Singapore. So if you happen to read up to here, just note that as you're reading this right now, i'm probably sitting or lazing around some corners of Singapore.
Last note before i wrap this up, here's a story i read it from my friend's blog. It meant quite a lot for me, so carry on reading if you can. Enjoy.
Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living.
When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute and then drive away. But, I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself. So I walked to the door and knocked.
"Just a minute", answered a frail, elderly voice.
I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knick knacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said.
I took the suitcase to the cab, and then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.
"It's nothing", I told her.
''I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated".
"Oh, you're such a good boy", she said.
When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?"
"It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly.
"Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice".
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.
"I don't have any family left," she continued.
"The doctor says I don't have very long." I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
"What route would you like me to take?" I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing. As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said,
"I'm tired. Let's go now."
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse. "Nothing," I said. "You have to make a living," she answered. "There are other passengers," I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you." I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.
Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life. I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. Every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Back home
Everything came to an end last Tuesday after i had my 7th sortie, the test sortie which proves to be my last ever sortie. It wasn't a case of me being placed in a stressed up situation with a nasty mean instructor, on the contrary, i should be counting my lucky stars, for that i had Mr. Hyacinth Tan for my test, the best instructor in the Air Grading course, well known for his patience and teachings.
Prior to my test sortie, i messed up my test profile sortie during my 6th sortie. Made too many mistakes and my primary instructor was telling me it would take quite something for me to pull it through for my test. It proved to be true despite the fact that i did improved alot compared to my 6th sortie, but it just wasn't good enough.
3 weeks of flying, 7 sorties and 7.7 hours of flying experience are definitely something i'll remember for life. It's like a milestone for me. Of course you can always argue that i didn't manage to clear and continue with it. Flying just below the clouds, little raindrops hitting down the canopy, and glazing the sceneries from 5500 feet above ground level are good enough for me though.
The most memorable and unforgettable part is the thrill of diving down 170kts and pulling up to 4G, as my instructor executed aerobatics during my 1st sortie. Hanging on my safety harness, head facing down and staring at the whole landscape below, with a bird's eye view, is something i never use to imagine.
The weird thing about this Air Grading course which was lasted for 3 weeks was the fact that i felt it wasn't that long. Probably felt like it's only for a week or so, but of course to be frank, towards the end i kinda miss Singapore and all the oriental delicacies. I was telling my friend how she would love to be in my shoes for that i'm chewing steak almost day in day out.
Recalling back the last day over at the Air Grading Center, just an hour before i departed to Tamworth Airport, i walked back alone to my accommodation block from the classroom to finish packing up some of my stuff. Holding on to my electronic tickets, my passport, my travel order and my clearance form with my left hand, the usual 5 minutes walk back almost became an hour long emotional walk.
Images of all the fun right from the day we departed from Changi Airport, were flashing through the back of my head. Images of the hot unbearable 39 degrees of sun burning down at us the day we first stepped on Tamworth, images of the day we first stepped into the cockpit of the CT-4B for strapping, images of our first sortie, images of our weekly anticipated drinking sessions on Friday night, images of the star glazing during some nights, images of a group of guys sitting down over at each other rooms chatting and fooling away and images of us bidding each other goodbyes were flashing just like a movie with no title to it.
2nd Feb 2006, the day we became superstars with cameras from our families and friends all flashing on us at the airport. 9th Feb 2006, the day 16 of us had our first ever sortie in a CT-4B aircraft. 11th Feb 2006, the day 17 of us headed down to Tamworth Town for the first time. 21st Feb 2006, 3 of us departed back to Singapore. 23rd Feb 2006, 3 more of us departed back to Singapore. To date, 9 left in phase 2. 27th Feb 2006 (Tomorrow), 4 more coming back.
9 are left fighting for their last few sortie which all will probably end this coming Thursday. (To AGC02/06: If you guys are reading my blog now, all the best with the remaining sortie and always remember your own motivation, your stand and your desire. "When you are high up in the sky, you will envy no one on ground.")
Just in case some of you are curious why i placed the current song on my blog, the reason is that this song marked the end of my air grading. It's the song that almost made my friend wept after he saw the clip which i made for him. I edited the video we took of him singing during our usual fooling around together with the song. The last night before i left, i spend 3 hours doing up a course video for them and this song was also used to wrap up the clip. Somehow its a emo song which somehow goes well to what we felt towards to each other and the air grading course.
In short, i had a wonderful time in Tamworth and for this i'll have something interesting to share with my grandchildren in time to come and like what they said, the rest is history..
Everything came to an end last Tuesday after i had my 7th sortie, the test sortie which proves to be my last ever sortie. It wasn't a case of me being placed in a stressed up situation with a nasty mean instructor, on the contrary, i should be counting my lucky stars, for that i had Mr. Hyacinth Tan for my test, the best instructor in the Air Grading course, well known for his patience and teachings.
Prior to my test sortie, i messed up my test profile sortie during my 6th sortie. Made too many mistakes and my primary instructor was telling me it would take quite something for me to pull it through for my test. It proved to be true despite the fact that i did improved alot compared to my 6th sortie, but it just wasn't good enough.
3 weeks of flying, 7 sorties and 7.7 hours of flying experience are definitely something i'll remember for life. It's like a milestone for me. Of course you can always argue that i didn't manage to clear and continue with it. Flying just below the clouds, little raindrops hitting down the canopy, and glazing the sceneries from 5500 feet above ground level are good enough for me though.
The most memorable and unforgettable part is the thrill of diving down 170kts and pulling up to 4G, as my instructor executed aerobatics during my 1st sortie. Hanging on my safety harness, head facing down and staring at the whole landscape below, with a bird's eye view, is something i never use to imagine.
The weird thing about this Air Grading course which was lasted for 3 weeks was the fact that i felt it wasn't that long. Probably felt like it's only for a week or so, but of course to be frank, towards the end i kinda miss Singapore and all the oriental delicacies. I was telling my friend how she would love to be in my shoes for that i'm chewing steak almost day in day out.
Recalling back the last day over at the Air Grading Center, just an hour before i departed to Tamworth Airport, i walked back alone to my accommodation block from the classroom to finish packing up some of my stuff. Holding on to my electronic tickets, my passport, my travel order and my clearance form with my left hand, the usual 5 minutes walk back almost became an hour long emotional walk.
Images of all the fun right from the day we departed from Changi Airport, were flashing through the back of my head. Images of the hot unbearable 39 degrees of sun burning down at us the day we first stepped on Tamworth, images of the day we first stepped into the cockpit of the CT-4B for strapping, images of our first sortie, images of our weekly anticipated drinking sessions on Friday night, images of the star glazing during some nights, images of a group of guys sitting down over at each other rooms chatting and fooling away and images of us bidding each other goodbyes were flashing just like a movie with no title to it.
2nd Feb 2006, the day we became superstars with cameras from our families and friends all flashing on us at the airport. 9th Feb 2006, the day 16 of us had our first ever sortie in a CT-4B aircraft. 11th Feb 2006, the day 17 of us headed down to Tamworth Town for the first time. 21st Feb 2006, 3 of us departed back to Singapore. 23rd Feb 2006, 3 more of us departed back to Singapore. To date, 9 left in phase 2. 27th Feb 2006 (Tomorrow), 4 more coming back.
9 are left fighting for their last few sortie which all will probably end this coming Thursday. (To AGC02/06: If you guys are reading my blog now, all the best with the remaining sortie and always remember your own motivation, your stand and your desire. "When you are high up in the sky, you will envy no one on ground.")
Just in case some of you are curious why i placed the current song on my blog, the reason is that this song marked the end of my air grading. It's the song that almost made my friend wept after he saw the clip which i made for him. I edited the video we took of him singing during our usual fooling around together with the song. The last night before i left, i spend 3 hours doing up a course video for them and this song was also used to wrap up the clip. Somehow its a emo song which somehow goes well to what we felt towards to each other and the air grading course.
In short, i had a wonderful time in Tamworth and for this i'll have something interesting to share with my grandchildren in time to come and like what they said, the rest is history..
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Post from Tamworth
Time now 1918hrs, 19th Feb 2006. 16 days into my course over at Tamworth, and this shall be my first post ever since i left the 'fine' city.
It's be quite some time since i'm over here at Tamworth, Australia. And i've completed 5 sorties. Tommorrow shall be my 6th and the 7th sortie shall be my phase 1 test flight. Based on my performance over the last 5 sorties, i'm pretty much in the region of borderline case. Only managed to get "Marginal" for my last 2 sorties which happened to be graded.
I was advised by my instructor that if i do wish to make it for the upcoming test 1, i have to put in more effort to be able to breeze through it. So for now, i think i'll just do my best, and see how it goes. Wouldn't pin too much hope on it, and the funny thing about it was that i thought i did quite ok for my sorties, only to get barely pass grades.
Stress is definitely the most overwhelming thing over here. All the studying, mental flight, pre-flight briefs, post-flight de-brief, mass briefs, can take up quite alot of your time. Not forgetting the stress in the plane, to pilot it and to get scolding at the same time.
Alright, shall keep this post short and simple. I've changed the song for the blog, and yeah, it's emo song yet again. That's all folks. Fingers crossed, i hope i make it...
Till then.
Time now 1918hrs, 19th Feb 2006. 16 days into my course over at Tamworth, and this shall be my first post ever since i left the 'fine' city.
It's be quite some time since i'm over here at Tamworth, Australia. And i've completed 5 sorties. Tommorrow shall be my 6th and the 7th sortie shall be my phase 1 test flight. Based on my performance over the last 5 sorties, i'm pretty much in the region of borderline case. Only managed to get "Marginal" for my last 2 sorties which happened to be graded.
I was advised by my instructor that if i do wish to make it for the upcoming test 1, i have to put in more effort to be able to breeze through it. So for now, i think i'll just do my best, and see how it goes. Wouldn't pin too much hope on it, and the funny thing about it was that i thought i did quite ok for my sorties, only to get barely pass grades.
Stress is definitely the most overwhelming thing over here. All the studying, mental flight, pre-flight briefs, post-flight de-brief, mass briefs, can take up quite alot of your time. Not forgetting the stress in the plane, to pilot it and to get scolding at the same time.
Alright, shall keep this post short and simple. I've changed the song for the blog, and yeah, it's emo song yet again. That's all folks. Fingers crossed, i hope i make it...
Till then.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Leaving On A Jet Plane
Justin Timberlake
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn
The taxi's waiting, he's blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could cry
Chorus:
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh Babe, I hate to go
There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring
[Chorus]
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Then close your eyes, I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times I won't have to say
[Chorus]
Ha! Guess what? My blog song is Blues. This is just so not me. But this is the best i can find to cater to my current mood. Nothing much to post here. Probably i think i've said too much and done too much. Time to be less active. Shall laze and wait for my departure.
Just before i go, just wanna thanked those who gave me their well wishes. Notably those who sms-ed me. Surprisingly, some do know that i'm flying off today. As for those who didn't know, now you do. 3 more hours and i'll be leaving.
"This is the final boarding call for Qantas Airways, flight QF6, non-stop service to Sydney, all confirmed passsengers should be on board at this time."
Take care everyone.
Till then.
Justin Timberlake
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn
The taxi's waiting, he's blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could cry
Chorus:
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh Babe, I hate to go
There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring
[Chorus]
Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Then close your eyes, I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times I won't have to say
[Chorus]
Ha! Guess what? My blog song is Blues. This is just so not me. But this is the best i can find to cater to my current mood. Nothing much to post here. Probably i think i've said too much and done too much. Time to be less active. Shall laze and wait for my departure.
Just before i go, just wanna thanked those who gave me their well wishes. Notably those who sms-ed me. Surprisingly, some do know that i'm flying off today. As for those who didn't know, now you do. 3 more hours and i'll be leaving.
"This is the final boarding call for Qantas Airways, flight QF6, non-stop service to Sydney, all confirmed passsengers should be on board at this time."
Take care everyone.
Till then.
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