5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER
(by Rabbi Dov Heller,M.A.)

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success.
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.

Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love."

I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.
Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone).
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here.

Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married.
Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.
When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again:
You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone.
You need a lot more.

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:
Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important?
Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone.
What do you plan to do with each other all that time?
Travel, eat and jog together?

You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.
You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage.
You can grow together, or you can grow apart.
50 percent of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.
The basis of having good communication is trust!
i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.
Be honest with yourself on this one.
Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3:
Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.
How can you test?

Here are some suggestions.
1. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

2. Are they serious about improving themselves?
A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing".
"So, ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?"
Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.
You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:
How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give.
By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following:

1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc?

2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

3. Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them!

4. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married.

As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the worse!"
If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.
The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.
It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE MET THE PERSON I SHOULD MARRY?

The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married".
Feelings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own.
They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain.

Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with.
This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person.
This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you.
More important yet, this person will share your children.

You need to choose wisely.
The decision should not be made based on feelings alone.
You need to ask yourself some tough questions.
The decisions have to be made on solid considerations.

Will this person be a good partner?
Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family?
Is he prepared to be a good provider?
What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it?
Will this person be a good parent?
Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person?

They will, you know.
Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits.
You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children.

If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children?
This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed.
Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent.

If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.
Does this person share your faith in God?
God does not give us children so that we can mould them into the coolest, most popular people in school.
Our job is to get them to heaven.

To do that, we need to raise them believing in God.
It is tough to do that if only one parent believes.
Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work.

Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day.
The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become.

Who will be answering those questions for your children?
Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control?
Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people.

Wrong! There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel.

There are also times when spouses, just get on each others' nerves.
At times like this, other people can seem very appealing.
That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women.

Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex?
If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty.
Do you want to worry about whether or not your Spouse is being faithful?

These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person.
None if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision.

You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you'.

You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone.
Your brain however must acknowledge that this person as a good choice. Don't listen to your heart alone or your head alone.
Wait until your heart and head agree.

Always Listening...
Always Understanding....

Nice Fireworks....


Click picture for larger view

It's a long but very touching story ...

This is a true story, taken from "Family"
Read it.. its very long but definitely worth reading...

Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family.
Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us.

Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young.
Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree.
You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery.
Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round.

As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother."
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.

Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy.
I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her.
For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the flowers!"

I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better."
Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."
Mother stopped saying anything.

But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure.
Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.

Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."
There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast.

In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife?
At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice.
She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.

As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me.
For example; she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags.

She would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.
One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room.

Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night.
I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.
I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?"
Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"

After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting.
At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife.

To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.
That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?"

He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.
After sometime, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat.
I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't.
I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out.

Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.
I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house.
Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.
For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call.

I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do?
For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life.

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor."
The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news.

Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?
At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there.
It had only been three days, but he looked haggard.

I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him.
He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab.
At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of joy.
What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down.

Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes.
I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.
That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up.

I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face.
He was removing the money.
I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good.

What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.
The next day, I did not go to work.
I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby.

I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."
I stood there in shock.
I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.

I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes.
My god, how could this happen?
Throughout the funeral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me.
I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people.

That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed towards the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside.
As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...

I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if...
In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe.
I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in.

I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later.
The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant.
After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes.
I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her.
He stared back at me, challenging me.
I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death.
I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.

That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that.
Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched -he had returned to take some of his stuff.

I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.
I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination.
My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.

I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room.
The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke.
On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper.
I know what it is all about without even looking at it.

In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself.
I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign."
He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.
As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy.
I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull the paper towards me.
Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.

"LD, you are pregnant?"
Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me.
I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops.
I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now."
He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket.
In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them.
I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't.
In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever.

We have drawn such deep scares in each other's heart.
For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional.
I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him.
From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.

Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room.
He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room.
At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet.
This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh.

He has forgotten that last time; I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?
Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born.
Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read.

Bag sand bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full.
I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions.
He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear him typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment.
He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital.

Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite.
Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind:
In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.
Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son, and me, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling.
I reached out and touched his hand.

Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor.
I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his...
I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.
Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long.

I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer?
Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:

"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be.
But daddy now no longer has that chance.

Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey.
To be honest, daddy is very happy.

Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."

From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me:

"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...
My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...

These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging..."

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma.
I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said:
"Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."

He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile.
Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air.
I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...

...The end...

Remember this, and keep it to your heart.
Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going.
You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying.
You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you..

Fool of Everyone..

"Oh, look what you've done.. You made the fool of everyone.."

well.. i'm the fool of everyone..

today is my 2nd day of my attachment..

feeling rather tired now..
becos of the travelling from my place..

AMK to my attachment co IBM in Changi..
and the things i've gone thru..

haven really slp tt well for the past few days..

got tt sicky feeling now..

dunno if i'm falling sick soon..

today was another boring day..
stayed at my office for most of the time..

ate in dere oso..

hasn't really got much things to do..
and couldn't find some1 to tok to..

the journey back home was another boring trip..

had acc..
but i wasn't meant to be dere..

juz cant seems to gel wit them..

not their fault though..
maybe its juz tt i'm tired..

its been a rather mental draining wk for mi..

wad happened?

if u are close to mi..
u would hav noe wad's wrong wit mi...

whose fault?? it not tt impt anymore..
actually i shldn't hav mentioned abt it anymore..

but.. i hope it will make myself feel better..
frenz come and go..

life still go on.. haiz.. forget it..

dun wan to continue anymore...

tml will be day 3 for my IPP..

dunno wad lies ahead yet..

juz hope tt i got things to do..
at least to keep myself more occupied..

dun wanna to tink too much abt my life..

dun wanna expect too much...
juz wan to slp my way thru IPP..
dunno when i'm getting my FYPJ grade..

hope it within my expectations..

till then..

all the best u all guys who keep the effort to visit my blog..

A big 'thank you' and take care.

as for when i'll blog again..

watch tis space.............................................................................

Small Deeds Big Impact..

I cried for my brother 6 times I was born in a secluded village of a mountain.
Days by days my parents plowed the yellow dry soil with their backs facing the sky.
I have a younger brother, 3 years younger than me.
Once, to buy a handkerchief which all girls around me seemed to have,
I stole 50 cents from my father's drawer.
Father known about it right away.

He made my younger brother and me kneeled against the wall,
with a bamboo stick in his hand. "Who stole the money?" he asked.
I was stunned, too afraid to talk.
Father didn't hear any of us admit, so he said,
"Fine, if nobody wants to admit, you two should be beaten!"
He lifted up the bamboo stick.

Suddenly, my younger brother gripped father's hand and said," Dad, I was the one who did it!" The long stick smacked on my brother's back repeatedly.
Father was so angry that he kept on whipped my brother until he lost his breath.
After that, he sat down on our stone bed and scolded my brother,
"You have learnt to steal from your own house now, what other embarrassing things you will do in the future??
You should be beaten to death! You shameless thief!"

That night, mother and I hugged my brother.
His body full of injuries, but he didn't shed a single tear.
In the middle of the night, all of sudden I cried out loudly.
My brother covered my mouth with his little hand and said, " Sis, now don't cry anymore. Everything has happened."

I still hate myself for didn't have enough courage to admit what I had done.
Years gone by, but the incident still looked like it just happened yesterday.
I will never forget my brother's expression when he protected me.

That year, my brother was 8 years old; I was 11 years old.
When my brother was in his last year of his lower secondary school,
he was accepted in an upper secondary school in the central.

At the same time, I was accepted into a province's university.
That night, father squatted in the yard, smoking, packet by packet.
I could hear him said, "Both our children have good results? very good results?"
Mother wiped off her tears and sighed,
" What is the use? How can we possibly finance both of them?"

At that time, my brother walked out, he stood in front of father and said,
"Dad, I don't want to continue my study anymore, I have read enough books."
Father swung his hand and slapped brother on his face.

"Why do you have a spirit so damn weak?
Even if it means I have to beg for money on the streets,
I will send you two to school until you both finish your study!"

And then, he started to knock on every house in the village to borrow money.
I stuck out my hand as soft as I can to my brother's swollen face, and said,
"A boy has to continue his study; If not, he will not be able to leave this depths of poverty."

Me, on the other hand, had decided not to further my study to university.
Who knows on the next day, before dawn,
my brother left the house with a few pieces of worn-out clothes and a few dry beans.
He sneaked to the side of my bed and left a note on my pillow;
"Sis, get into an university is not easy. I will go find a job and send money to you."
I held the note while sitting on my bed, and cried until I lost my voice.

That year, my brother was 17 years old; I was 20 years old.
With the money father borrowed from the whole village,
and money my brother earned from carrying cement on his back at construction site,
finally, I managed to get to the third year of my study in the university.

One day, I was studying in my room, when my roommate came in and told me,
"There's a villager wait for you outside!"

Why is there a villager looking for me?
I walked out, and saw my brother from afar, His whole body is dirty, covered by dust, cement and sands.

I asked him, "Why don't you tell my roommate that you are my brother?"
He replied with a smile,
" Look at my appearance.
What will they think if they know that I am your brother? Don't they laugh at you?"

I felt so touched, and tears filled my eyes.

I swept away dusts from my brother's body.
And said with a lump in my throat, " I don't care of what people say!
You are my brother no matter what your appearance is?"

From his pocket, he took out a butterfly hair clip.
He wore it on me, and said, "I saw all the girls in town are wearing it.
So, I think you should also have one." I could not hold back myself anymore.
I pulled my brother into my arms and cried and cried.

That year, my brother was 20 years old; I was 23 years old.
The first time I brought my boyfriend home, the broken window had been repaired.
And it looked so clean inside the house.
After, my boyfriend went home, I danced like a small girl in front of my mother,
"Mom, you don't have to spend so many time cleaning the house!"

But she said with a smile," It was your brother who went home early to clean the house. Didn't you see the wound on his hand? He was injured while replacing the window."

I went into my brother's small bedroom.
Looking at his thin face, I felt like there are hundreds of needle pricked in my heart.
I put some ointment on his wound and bandaged it, "Does it hurt? " I asked him.
"No, it doesn't hurt. You know, when I was working in the construction site,
stones falling on my feet all the time. Even that could not stop me from working and?"

In the middle of the sentence, he stopped. I turned my back on him and tears rolling down my face.

That year, my brother was 23 years old; I was 26 years old.
After I got married, I lived in the city.
Lots of time my husband invited my parents to come and live with us, but they didn't want. They said, once they left the village,they didn't know what to do.
My brother also didn't agree, he said, "Sis, you just taking care of your parents-in-law.
I will take care of mom and dad here."

My husband became the director of his factory.
We wanted my brother to get the job as the manager in the department of maintenance.
But, my brother rejected the offer.
He insisted on starting to work as a reparation worker.
One day, my brother was on the top of a ladder repairing a cable,
when he got electrocuted, and was sent to the hospital.
My husband and I visited him.

Looked at the white gypsum on his leg, I grumbled, "Why did you reject to be a manager? Manager will not do something dangerous like this.
Look at you now, such a serious injury. Why you didn't want to listen to us?"

With a serious expression on his face, he defended on his decision,
"Think of brother-in-law?he just became the director, and I almost uneducated.
If I became the manager, what kind of rumors will fly around?"

My husband's eyes filled up with tears, and then I said,
"But you lack in education also because of me!" "Why talking about the past?"
My brother held my hand.

That year, he was 26 years old and I was 29 years old.
My brother was 30 years old when he married a farmer girl from the village.
In his wedding reception, the master of ceremonies asked him,
"Who is the one you respect and love the most?"
Without thinking, he answered," My sister."

He continued by telling a story I could not even remember.
"When I was in primary school, the school was in different village.
Everyday, my sister and I walked for 2 hours to go school and go home.
One day, I lost one of my pair of gloves.
My sister gave me one of hers.
She only wore one glove and walked for so far.
When we got home, her hand was so trembled because of the weather that was so cold that she could not even hold her chopsticks.
From that day on, I swore that as long as I live, I would take care of my sister and be good to her."

Applause filled up the room.

All guests turned their attentions to me.
Words were so hard to come out from my mouth,
"In my whole life, the one I would like to thank the most is my brother,"
And in this happy occasion, in front of the crowd, tears rolling down my face again. Love and care for the one you love every single days of your life.

You may think what you did is just a small deed, but to that someone, it may mean a lot. Have a nice day everyone! May this story inspire you in any way!

Jet - Look What You've Done

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Hey Guys..

long time din blog le.. well.. let mi do some updating abt mi..
tis wk is the end of wk 11 for my FYPJ.. left 1 more wk..
it will end at 14th of Aug.. yeah?? no chance...
i'll starting my IPP on the 16th of Aug.. haven noe where i'll be posted..

juz hope the pay is gd?? juz gimme $1000.. (in my dreamz)
anyway.. tis 11 wks of prison job in sch to do my FYP... was living hell..
basically i'll say most of the time.. i'm doing nthing.. doing proj??

nah.. i tink i'm more familiar wit others pple proj den mine.. y??
cos i've been spending time helping pple.. i'm not complaining..
juz stating facts.. haha... those who did appoarched mi.. time to feel guilty.. isnt it??

other den proj.. basically nthing much happened.. been drifting in life..
counting my days each day as they passed..

those who real hardcore visitors of my blog.. thanx.. and continue ur support..
and btw.. comments on my blogs.. u can post ur tinkings oso.. if not it's gettting dull..

For those out dere.. All the best in life.. dun be like mi.. ;)