Becky

Scroll down and you will notice a virtual dog of mine jus aft my
chatterbox.. got it aft i saw Crystal's blog.. quite
cute.. hav fun playing with it.. rmb.. dun overfed!! =)

Reality of life.

Seen too many ugly sides of life? i tink i hav.. too much..
humans are so ugly.. i'm refering to behavior.. not
appearance.. i tink its jus normal as you meet more pple..
and getting in touch with more.. you see more.. and so
often.. i alys see the negative side of it more than anything
else.. of cos.. no1 is perfect.. tt's a definite.. but when
i see the ugly side of humans.. i jus feel sad abt tis world..
and i definitely would learnt from them.. life is jus abt
learning as we go along..

so wad are the ugly side of humans? let me list as many as i
can see..

1) Kiasu-ism
"Singaporeans ma.. wad to expect?" i dunno if its stereotyping
but i jus feel tt for most singaporean.. it so sad tt we are
guilty of it.. one thing i really muz say.. why cant sg-poreans
wait for pple to come out of the mrt b4 they enter? y muz
they squeeze in b4 pple alight? scare the train will run away?
wad the shit lo.. squeeze in like hell.. basic courtesy oso
dunno? the ang-mohs i seen are hell lot better than us in manners,
courtesy and upbringing.. if u are guilty of tis.. time to feel
ashame man!

2) Judge pple by looks
"tis one cannot make it la.. dun waste time.." dun tell me u
nv heard tis or say this b4? its jus so sad pple are judge based
on their looks.. even some with veri gd character/traits.. the
looks fail means all fail.. i saw tis back at expo.. when a gal
is simply condemned jus becos she's slight fat.. but she's a nice
gal.. and there are alot more similar cases.. so pple out there..
even if u got a really cannot make it fren.. at least get to noe
him/her 1st.. b4 u judge her.. me included!

tt's all for today.. juz 2.. shall continue tml..

Life is too short, too fast, too fragile..

i'm sure most would hav seen or heard the news abt the earthquake?
many has died as a result of it.. and it juz show one thing..
life is short and fragile.. handle it wit care?? nt really up to
us to decide.. so if u happen to see tis.. treasure ur life?

today is another tiring day for me.. and i juz realised tt tis
semester.. my study mood is getting from bad to the worst ever..
tis semester.. i'm like nt paying attention to lectures.. never
do tutorials.. dun even bother to get notes printed.. argh..
u juz name it.. all the bad student's attitude.. i juz inherited
them.. hope i dun flunk any of my 7 modules.. *touchwood*

Thinking for the day:
Search for the answer, and be disappointed?
or
Wait for the answer, and be surprised?

Live for youself?

today is such a boring day in sch.. lessons are boring..
tutor is shitty.. lecturer is also a ass.. everything is
juz all shitty..

realised something.. if you're able to do all the things
juz for youself and not for others.. tt's when u'll feel
most happy.. so......... let's juz try..

Happy Boxing Day

"boxing day??" tt's some replies i get when i wish my
frenz happy boxing day.. seems like most are not aware
of the existence of boxing day.. well to be honest..
i oso dunno wad it really stand/means to them.. and do
they really box on the day? i dunno.. maybe someone
can enlighten me and my blur frenz?

this yr x'mas is juz another sad and boring one.. had
dinner wit some frens made from the expo on the x'mas
eve.. i dun tink i want to go much into it.. i juz wan
to tell the guy.. "do wadever you wan, juz dun hurt
the gal" and for the gal.. "all the best.. stepping
aside shall be the best for you.. and be careful of the
one you tink is the most trustable.. watch your back.."

but tis x'mas is the most memorable one too.. its the
1st time i really exchanged presents.. got a mini-cooper
a ferrari F355, 2 pens, a chain, a cup, a braclet..
thx for all the present..

and well, sch has ald started.. tml is the 2nd wk..
haven really settled down to sch yet.. still in holiday
mood.. and till now.. i haven really noe wad modules i
had for my last semester.. tt's worrying isn't it?
and i haven print my tutorials for tml.. its gg to be
another tutorial whereby i juz stay in there and copy
answers.. and ya.. tt's how i got my As.. u got a prob
wit me? hahaha.. juz kidding.. lectures and tutorials
are the most impt to get As.. dun follow my style..
dun try tis at home ok??

i kinda missed the days i had at expo.. all the staff
over there.. the frenz over there.. its juz so fun..
and of cos.. i miss my pay too.. $75 per day.. hahaha
but the last few days of work.. i realised.. there's
pple getting $110, $90 per day.. tt's hell lot more than
me.. so unfair.. Hasbro is so 'cat'!!

today is another boring day.. stayed home the whole day..
just like wad i did yst.. yeah.. no dates.. no calls..
nthing.. juz as expected too.. cos i'm a 'dao' guy..
tt's wad u all will feel too.. rite? so too bad.. i'll
jus hav to live wit it.. juz hope tt my NS will come soon
and i'll be spending most of my time to serve the nation
which will keep me more occupy.. and of cos.. in the mean
time.. i shall concentrate on my studies.. get my COM..
and hopefully get into NUS..

and my NAPFA is coming soon.. got to do some running soon
and get a min Silver..

tml is mon.. will be exchanging my last x'mas present wit
wendy.. was really surprise tt she told me she got me the
perfume i wanted.. thus.. i got her a small present as well
dunno if she will fancy it.. but its the tot tt counts rite?
so.. wendy.. juz take it!! haahahhaha..

lasty.. Merry Belated X'mas.. and Happy Boxing Day to all..

Merry X'mas

Today is Christmas day..
hope everyone out there had great fun..
mine is ugly.. way too ugly..

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year!!

Still sick..

my throat is getting bad and i'm coughing like a rag dog..
shall slp early to rest.. got my NS medical checkup this
friday.. hope i recover abit by then..
changed new song today.. enjoy it..

One after another..

i'm getting more sicky.. juz had stomachache yst..
today i've got blocked nose and bad coughs.. juz
wondering wad's next..

i dropped some tears today.. had noodles for my dinner
and i added some chilli.. din realise tt they are
chilli padis.. damn hot.. and my tongue was caught
on fire.. and i 'cried'..

been coughing alot for the day.. almost cough out
my dinner.. and i cant breathe well now.. both my
nostrils are blocked.. and my hearing is bad due to
the block..

had a walked at the perfume section of the X'mas
Village today.. and i came across an Hugo Boss
perfume.. its $86.. quite ex.. but like the fragance
alot.. i'm considering to get it.. a x'mas present
for myself.. hopefully i can...........

nowadays.. parents are juz so disgusting.. nt all
though.. but at the X'mas Village.. i ald saw a couple
of them.. they will juz bring their kids everyday down
to the Village.. juz to participate in the daily games..
and its so obvious they are using their kids to get the
gifts given to them for participation and of cos the
better prize for the winner..

there's a lady.. who has won more the 4 times the same
games for diff days.. cos the games are played daily..
at diff timings.. this lady and her kids had play the
same games for more then 5 times.. and they had won
prize over $200.. how abt christmas shopping without
having to spend money?

and i was told tt.. the lady wanted her daughter to win
the game so badly tt she bought the game back.. but hav
complained and exchanged 3 times.. as she feels the game
is faulty.. but all the 3 returned ones are nt faulty at
all.. and in the end she insisted to get a refund after
changing the game to another cheaper item..

its so obvious tt she get the game back juz to let her
daughter to practise so tt she can win the game contest..
and tt aft she has won the game.. the game she bought will
be useless.. thus she wants to exchange to a cheaper game
and get the reminder as refund..

the worst part.. she even complained abt the prize being
faulty.. juz how much she will go to get the prize? i'll
leave tt for u to decide.. and i was told tt she didn't buy
anything at the Village.. all the thing she carried out
are prizes her kids won at the various games..

1 of the demostrator will be cut.. was informed today abt
the change.. i wasn't the unfortunate one.. but its juz
so sad tt someone will be leaving again.. now.. we are left
with 3 promoters and 3 demostrators.. juz hope it will
remain like tis till the end of the fair...

thur (16th Dec) will be the start of the Cold Storage fair
at hall 3.. been expecting it for quite some time.. hope
they sell nice food.. has been rather sick of the expo
food court food.. and mind you.. they are damn ex too..

tml is the day of Lego.. they are trying to smash the world
record for the longest millipede built using Legos..
saw them building it for quite some time ald.. hopefully
they managed to do so..

... cant breathe man..
continue tml.. nitez..

Kids = Remedy

woke up today wit a bad throat and slight fever..
tot i will be ok.. but aft i reach expo.. i got to
shift some items and made some changes to the
arrangements.. and immediately aft doing so.. my
stomach starts to kick in.. got a bad stomach..
and my body felt tired and restless.. and i'm
walking like a zombie.. until ard 3pm.. i got a
show for the kids to participate.. and tt's when
my spirit got up.. the kids are veri funny and
innocent.. and aft the show.. i felt alot better..
how's tt for immediate cure for sickness?

surprisingly.. the crowd compared to yst.. was
heaven and earth.. pathetic few for today.. dont
think got sell much for today.. and the worst thing
was that.. we gathered ard and was toking.. and
then when we are at the peak of our discussion and
jokes.. Mr Devil for Hasbro came.. Peter.. the
mean guy of Hasbro.. and we reckoned tt he saw us
way before we noticed him.. and how we noticed him?
2 promoters were joking ard and pulling each other
and he came to shout at them.. tt's when we all
got a 'pleasant' surprise from him..

we started wit 5 demostrators and 4 promoters..
total 9 staff at the hasbro.. 1 demostrator was cut
couple of days ago.. due to bad sales and over-
crowded staff.. and juz today.. 1 more promotor
was also cut.. and it seems like they want to cut
another demostrator.. and we are kinda pissed abt
it as we felt tt for them to cut us was ald quite
mean.. and the worst is tt they want the person
who is cut to go to another place to work alone..
and we are oso kinda blamed for the bad sales..
we are juz the pigs waiting to be slaughter..

we juz hope tt they are nt tt mean to us.. if not
we all boycot Hasbro.. all quit.. let them die..

played "The Game of Life" today.. rather fun..
definitely more fun than the stupid old lame
monopoly.. but it makes one veri tired aft a game..
as its kinda tedious becos of the fact tt you alys
hav to do alot of things when its ur turn.. but
overall a nice game.. 8/10

been tinkin abt a riddle for some time.. i've
been trying to recap the ans for arranging 1-9
in a 3-by-3 sequence, where they all add up to
15 at all directions.. and i cant managed to get
it despite spending my travelling time for the
past few days writing it down.. closest i get:

5 3 7
1 8 6
9 4 2

u guys can try it too.. tell me the ans if u got
it..

tt's all for today.. nt feeling too well to write
alot..

Countdown to X'mas

i'm finally back to posting comments abt my life..
haven't been doing these for mths.. hopefully i can
do tis on daily basis..

X'mas.. Santa Claus is coming to town!! well..
he alys forget to get some snow to us... damn..
when can we hav some snow? rain is not counted!

i've been working at expo for quite some time ald..
been playin wit kids.. and i'm getting kinda kiddy
now.. its a fun job though.. of cos pay is one of
the factor tt i said its a gd job.. but the main
factor is tt the kids are sometimes too cute to
given stress you.. you will juz love them..

btw.. Robinson is having a 15% storewide discount
for all the items at the Robinson X'mas Village..
at Expo hall 4.. if you happened to be looking for
toys for X'mas gifts.. u can try over there...
juz beware of the journey if you are staying at
west side..

nah.. i dun earn comission.. so dun worry..

today is a extremely lucky day for me.. i dun hav
to be selling hard on the items for Hasbro.. the
customers juz come to me.. i was playing wit a
transformer cos i need to run a show tml.. i was
sitting down playing wit it.. den suddenly.. a crowd
emerged.. they are all looking at wad i'm doing..
got 1 guy even asked me if i'm playing wit Lego..
i was like.. "huh? lego? are u blind?"

den a indian couple wit 2 kids appoarched me in a
rather interested manner.. so i juz demo to the kids
how to change to the diff mode.. and the parents also
seem interested.. so i spent ard 15 mins entertaining
them.. not bad i tot.. cos the mum eventually took
one.. but u guess wad? i saw the same transformer she
took.. at the unwanted merchandise section mins later..

but on times when i'm juz arranging the items neatly..
pple will appoarch me abt the price.. and when i told
them tt the price on the item is b4 the 15% discount..
they will juz take and go.. how singaporean can u get?

and ya.. i juz realise from those working at the
Robinson's tt tis coming fri is the release of N Levels
results.. so if you are getting it too.. good luck!

another thing after working for 2wks.. its hav become
a muz tt.. whenever a grp of guys and gals are together..
comments will be gave on each and every1 of the individual..
and then.. as usual.. the "you like her ar?", "chio?"
will all come out.. and then.. pple will start exchanging
numbers.. its a norm? i'm making a fuss out of it?

but wadever the case.. juz dun hurt anyone.. tt's the
bottom line..

sch is starting soon.. dunno if i hav the mood to go back
to sch.. juz hope tt i can scape through it..

ok.. tt's all for today.. shall continue tml..

How to irritate people in the cinema

1. During the trailers, shout, "Fast forward! Fast forward!"

2. Wear a very tall hat.

3. When people come in late, say "Orrrrrhhhh" very loudly.

4. During opening credits... point at a character and say loudly, "He dies at the end."

5. After every gunshot, scream "take cover!" and hit the floor.

6. Use a laser pointer and point the beam at the screen, especially at character's private parts. not bad an idea eh

7. Go "tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk" loudly at every kissing scene.

8. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing! It's snowing!"

9. Clap and cheer whenever one of the good guys gets killed.

10. Urge everyone in the cinema to start a Mexican wave.

11. During love scenes, say loudly in Mandarin, "Ngggh! Bu yao, ma!" ("Don't!")

12. During horror movies, keep singing the theme to "Jaws" (dum dum? dum dum? dum dum dum dum dum dum?)

13. Sit on old people, pretending not to know they are there.

14. Go to an afternoon screening. Go out of your way to sit next to the only other person in the cinema. Smile at him/her suggestively. (Recommended: waggle your eyebrows for added effect.)

15. Repeat all dialogue ten seconds after it's said on screen.

16. Bring in durians for your movie snack.

17. Or bring in a bowl of noodle soup, and slurp it up loudly.

18. During a sensitive scene, stand up and say loudly, "I go shee-shee now, can?"

19. Eat the snacks of the person sitting next to you. can you imagine that!!

20. Lick the person sitting next to you.

Silly??

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on the road...

Girl: Slow down. Im scared.

Guy: No this is fun.

Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!

Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

*Girl hugs him*

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me...

.
.
.
.
.

(In the paper the next day):

A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure.
2 people were on it, but only 1 survived.

The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke down, but he didn't want to let the girl know.

Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug 1 last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

Would you do this for someone??

White Chicks soundtrack..

Hey guys... if you all happen to watch White Chicks..
Rmb the cool song at the end of the movie when the credits are shown?
I managed to got it and its now playing....
Enjoy~

jerichoPanda



took tis when i was slping...
zzZZzzzzZzzz

Unmistaken Truth

I had always fall in love with my best friend but I never told him.
Maybe it was because I was too shy or maybe because it was just me.
Maybe it was just me.
Well we had been living together ever since we finished university.
We had been best friends ever since we were small.
Oh what great memories they were.

We told secrets to each other and almost anything because we trusted each other. Well this afternoon Alex came rushing into living room and closed the door lightly. He looked so happy and kneeled down on the ground.
He suddenly saw me and screamed with joy.
He stood up and ran to hug me tightly.
I gasped as I was running out of breath.
He kept hugging and then turned his head to face mine and kissed me against my lips hard.

After a minute or so, he let go and started jumping in the air with joy.

I took a deep breath and wiped my mouth as I asked him,
"What happened today? You know, you can't kiss me all the time whenever you feel sad or happy. People are going to think we are a couple!"

He pops onto the couch and grabbed an apple to eat, "Who cares what other people think?"

I slapped his thigh and sat beside him, "Well I do!"

He took a bite out of the apple and handed it over to me, "Oh come on Vicki! I mean you don't lose anything right? It's not like I am super duper ugly to match a beauty like you! Here take a bite!"

"True but still. Well you are not going to get a girlfriend if people see you kissing me!"

Alex took the apple and kept eating it, "If no one wants me, then you will have me then!"

"Yes, sure! Like I want a dummy like you! Well end of that subject! Tell me what happened today! Usually you kiss me because you are happy or sad about something. You don't look sad so it must be good!"

He stared at me , "You sure do know me well Vicki!"

I played with his hair, "Well no duh! I been living with you for years! I even feel like your wife or your lover!" I said laughing.

He smiled, "Well there are two good news! One of them is DAD AND MOM ARE COMING HOME SOON! Can you believe THAT? I can't! I can't wait to tell them all the good news! Oh man! I even told them that I have a girlfriend and is going to propose to her too!" He said laughing and blushing and started jumping around with joy again.

I jumped up as well too, "What REALLY? Aunty and Uncle are coming back?? You got to be kidding! They said they were going to visit around the world though! They are already finished! That's fast!"

He rubbed my head, "Well it is a small world! Don't listen to geography! You little bookworm! You are finished school remember!"

I gave him a whatever look, "Yes so what did you say before after you are going to tell them the good news? What is the second good news too?" I said as I was rubbing back his hair.

He started running away, "I told them I have a girlfriend and I am going to propose to her!"

I stopped right where I was when he said that and blushed, "Who said I am going to marry you?"

He stopped where he was as well, "Oh of course you are!" He walked up to me and took out a small red box. He kneeled down and said, "Will you Vicki, make me the happiest man on earth? Will you marry me?"

My heart was filled with flutter and was about to say yes and hug him when he suddenly closed the box and stood back up.

He laughed like crazy, "If only Ruby rejects me though! Woah! You should have seen your face! You looked like you were going to say yes."

I felt my heart rip apart when he said that.
I wanted to burst into tears but I held them back.
He had a girlfriend already and was going to propose to her.
He didn't even tell me he had one.

I stood there staring at the ground blankly.
Alex suddenly touched my shoulder, "Hey Vicki! Are you there? Come on! I was only playing with you! You know our relationship is just like Good brothers and sisters!"

Another reason for my heart to break apart.
All these years, he was now only saying we were only good brother and sister.
I could really feel my eyes sting but I still held them back.
I came back and stared back at him and punched him lightly in the shoulder.

"You actually believed I was going to take your ring! Che! Give me a break Alex! Of course our relationship is only brother and sister!"
Every word I said stung my heart.
I pretended to look happy and laugh.

"So who is this Ruby?"

"Ruby? Oh you don't remember her? She was also your best friend in high school! You forgot already?" Alex said questioning.

"Ruby LIN? The school prom queen with Nic? How did you guys end up together?" I asked.

"Oh that is such a long story. Remember I said before, I always had a crush but I never said who it was because you wouldn't tell me yours? Well it is Ruby and I just saw her a year ago. I told you to come with me sometimes but you always said you were busy. When you are free, she was busy. So I guess things get messed up! When I saw her again, I had fell in love with her again. I so want to marry her right now!" Alex said happily daydreaming in his mind.

I sat back on the couch quietly and stared at the blank television as I was shock to hear what I just heard.
Alex continued to talk from his heart.
"The second good news is that I plan to propose to her tonight after dinner."
I clutched onto a pillow and held onto it tightly.
Alex walked behind Vicki and started tickling her, "Hey are you listening!"

I shaked my head and smiled at him, "Yes you and Ruby ah mah. Ruby this Ruby that! Why wouldn't I know. My lovely best friend from highschool who stole my first crush. Why wouldn't I remember her? But I am happy for you! You actually found someone you love!"

Alex laughed, "really? Oh come on Vicki! Get it over! She probably doesn't want it to happen!"

I stood back up and laughed lightly, "Well why don't you get dress better so you can look better for your big night!"

Alex suddenly lightened up, "Oh yes! I forgot about that!" He quickly ran into his room and changed.

*************************************************************

Few hours later...

A doorbell was heard.
It was Ruby looking enchanting as before. She stood there and came inside giving me a hug. "Vicki! It's been such a long time we seen each other! How are you?"

I smiled, "I am fine! So how did you and Nic break up?"

Ruby looked a bit sad, "are you still mad about me because Nic was with me instead of you? Well I want to tell you one thing Vicki! Nic and I are step brother and sister. We were never boyfriend, girlfriend. I told you to believe me but you wouldn't. In fact you started to hate me. I am sorry about not telling you earlier."

My eyes started to water because not of what she said, it was what Alex said before. I hugged her and Alex came into the room.

"Ruby!" Alex said happily.

Ruby let go of me and ran over to Alex and hugged him. Tears kept streaming down as I watched them hug each other. I quickly wiped them and said, "Hey it is starting to get late! If you guys don't go then you won't be able to go!"

Ruby tugged my sleeve and smiled, "Why don't you come along with us Vicki? So you won't get lonely!" She looked at Alex and Alex shrugged, "Yes Sure! Come along Vicki! We are planning to go to our favorite bar!"

I opened my eyes widely, "the one with my favourite mango slush?"

Alex laughed, "Yes! So are you coming?" Ruby laughed as well, "You two seem like a nice couple!" Alex said, "We would be but..." he put his arm around her shoulder, "you are here and I love you!"

I put a hand between their faces, "Okay save the sweet talk for later. A mango slush is waiting for me!" I quickly ran out of the door.

**************************************************************

At The Bar...

Instead of ordering my favorite mango slush, I ordered a beer.
I think I wanted a beer more than a slush.
I want to forget what had happened today.
It was just too much for me. I had a beer after another.
When I saw Alex kneeling down on the ground, and Ruby screaming with joy.

I quickly gulped down another bottle.
I slammed the bottle on the counter and asked for another.
Soon I was pretty much drunk.

Alex and Ruby were hugging each other as they walked over to me. Alex shaked me, "Vicki, it's time to go!"

I looked around and saw Alex, "Oh Alex! Did you ever know? I loved you for such a long time but no!" I waved the bottle at him. "You just have to say that we are brothers and sisters. And then you just have to say that you are going for Ruby a friend who stole the person I loved before you. Now great! You guys are getting married!"

Ruby gasped. Alex opened his mouth wide and held Vicki together, "You are drunk! Ok let's go home!"

I shook him off, "Why? Why is it so hard to love? Have I done something to not deserve love." I looked at Alex with teary eyes, "I been with you for 20 years ever since we were 5 year olds. You never loved me? Why not? WHY?"

Alex quickly grabbed my arm went outside. Ruby followed from behind. I suddenly felt sick in the stomach and held onto a pole and barfed on the ground. After five minutes, I stood in front of Ruby and Alex who were comforting each other. Alex suddenly saw me and walked to me.

"Oh ok Vicki, I know you were just kidding back there but that's ok," Alex said with a little smile. "Please tell me you were kidding."

I stared at Ruby who was in the middle of the street picking up her scarf which had blown off by the wind.
Suddenly there was a fast racing car coming by.
I quickly ran over and pushed Ruby aside.
The car hitted my slim body hard and sent me flying in the air.

As I fell to the ground, I saw a beam of bright light in front of me.
Alex screamed my name as was running to me when another racing car came running toward me and rolled on top of me.

I couldn't feel my legs and body anymore. Blood was gushing out of my mouth and my wounds. Ruby who fell and injured her leg when I pushed her cried, "VICKI NO!" She crawled over to me with Alex holding me in his arms.

"Vicki! You are going to be okay! Okay!" Alex said. He screamed to other people who were around. "CALL FOR AN AMBULANCE DAMN IT! NO VICKI you are going to make it!"

"Vicki I AM SO TERRIBLY SORRY!" Ruby cried as tears were streaming down her face.

I smiled a weak smile as more blood gushed out, "I wouldn't want Alex to have a bloody bride right!" I squinted in pain as I felt my heart starting to stop.
I looked at Alex with all I can and touched his face, "What I just said when I was drunk, was true. I do love you Alex. I know you don't but that's ok. At least I know you know now but I guess it is too late isn't it."
I squinted again.

Alex started to have tears in his eyes, "No Vicki. You are going to be alright! To tell you the truth Vicki, I do love you too. See this locket." He opened a locket in his necklace. It had a picture of him and me.

I smiled, "but not as much as Ruby." I gasped and I started to see darkness. My eyelids were starting to close and I whispered my last words, "Thank you Alex. I guess this is all an unmistaken truth."

Alex screamed, "NO VICKI!" he hugged my dead body and cried. Ruby hugged him to comfort him. He lastly stared at my dead face and kissed me for the last time.

Another touching Love Story taken from the web.....

It all started when I was 6 years old.
While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy.
He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up.
After that first meeting in which I beat him up, we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence.
That only lasted for a little while though.
We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.

I would tell him all my secrets.
He was very quiet and he would just listen to what I had to say.
I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything.
In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school.
One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart.
He just comforted me and said everything would be okay.
He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him.
I was happy and thought of him as a real friend.
But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked.
I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kind of thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends.
But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently.
On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him.
That night after everybody went home, I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him.
Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do.
I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down.
He said how he wanted to be rich and successful.
All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him.

I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling.
I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened.
I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him.
After graduation he got a job in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go.
I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt.
But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job.
So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane.
I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time.
I went home that night and cried my eyes out.
I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart.

Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst.
I was proud of what I had accomplished.
One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage.
It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time.
Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends.
I went to the wedding the next month.
It was a big occasion.
The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel.
I met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time.
But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life.
I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me.

I left New York feeling that I did the right thing.
Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me.
I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York.
I had to go on with my life.
As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me.
On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all.
I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him.
Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "Meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things".
I went and saw him there.
I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside.
We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore.

Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time.
He cried until he couldn't cry anymore.
Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times.
But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him.
In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce.
I fell in love again with him.
When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried.
I hated to see him leave.
He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation.
I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him.
We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he didn't show up like he said he would.
I figured that he might have been busy.
The days turned into months and I just forgot about it.
Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York.
The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport and that it took this long till everything was settled.
It broke my heart.
I was shocked about what took place.
Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted.
I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache.
Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will.
Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife.
I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding.
She explained to me how he was and how he always provided.
But he was always unhappy.
She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding.
When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary.
It was a diary that of his life.
I cried as it was given to me.
I didn't know what to think.
Why was this given to me?
I took it and flew back to California.
As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together.
I started reading the diary and what was written.

The diary was started with the day we first met.
I read on till I started to cry.
The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted.
But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt.
That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me.
It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything.
It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another.
How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding.
He said he imagined it was our wedding.
How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife.
How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me.

Finally, the diary ended when it said, "Today I will tell her I love her".
It was the day he was killed.
The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

Another sad love story..
taken from Friendster bulletin..

Message:
3 friends Eric, Cathlyn, Carol.
Eric was chased by all the girls in our high school.
Cathlyn was one of those popular girls. Cheerleader, sexy, and stylish
Carol was just one of those plain and average girls.

Cathlyn and Carol were both totally crazy and wacko over Eric.
Cathlyn didn't have to do anything to attract Eric.
For she was already attractive enough.
Carol on the other hand, showered Eric which love and care.

Carol wasn't ugly at all.
In fact, she looked sweet and pleasant.
But she wasn't a cheerleader, she didn't were spaghetti-straps or tubes.
So like everyone expected, Eric chose Cathlyn.

For Carol was just one ordinary and plain girl.
While Cathlyn was labeled as the cool and attractive type,
Eric always insulted Carol.
Telling her what a 'Plain Jane' she was and how dumb she looked.
Which obviously made Carol feel so hurt and useless.

That's life.

Carol never gave up though.
She wanted to prove something to Eric.
She wanted to prove that looks aren't everything.
She studied hard, really hard.
She became the top girl, and all the guys who once ignored her, chased her.

But she never forgot Eric.
Everyday, she put a red rose in Eric's locker.
Always with the same words.
'I care for you, and I always will'.
Because she knew that Eric was facing a hard time.

Eric began to realise how dumb he had been.
His beloved girlfriend, Cathlyn was flirting with other guys.
He regretted for choosing the wrong girl.
Cathlyn broke up with Eric later.

For she had found a wealthier guy.
Eric felt so cheated, stupid and dumb.
He went to look for Carol.
He knelt on his knees, and said
"Carol, please forgive me. Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

Carol rejected him, much to everyone's surprise.
She only uttered these words
"You've suffered a great loss, so I don't want you to face another one".

Eric felt disappointed.
He didn't understand a word that she said to him.
But they became good friends.
Did everything together.

Eric began to change into someone better.
Because Carol showered him with the love he never experienced before.
His ex-girlfriends had never treated him that way.

They just accepted him for his looks.
But Carol accepted him for himself.
She changed him.
Carol continued putting a red rose into his locker everyday.

With the same words.
She never forgot.

One day, Carol didn't turn up in school.
She didn't come for a week
At first, Eric thought that she was on a vacation with her family.
Because she told him that she would be going Hawaii with them.

But one day,
He received a call from the General Hospital.
Saying that Carol was about to die.
She had been suffering from cancer.
But Carol forbade them from telling him.

Because she didn't want Eric to worry about her.
But now that she was about to die.
She wanted to see Eric for the last time.

Eric rushed to the hospital.
When he saw how weak Carol was.
Tears began rushing down his cheeks.

He whispered
"Why didn't you tell me earlier? Why did you hide this from me?"
She looked at him And smiled weakly at him.

"When I said that I didn't want you to suffer from facing another loss,I meant this. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry.
I wanted to spend my last days with you cheerfully."

Eric looked at her
"You can't leave me!" he said
"What will I be without you?"
"You'll be who you are now. I will always be there by your side. Never forget that. Cherish those times. Live life happily. And one more thing."

"Yes?"

"I love you"

And she died.
Eric screamed.
He still couldn't accept Carol's death.
He had only spent a month with Carol.

A month.
But Carol changed his life in a way.
A way that no one could ever explain.
He regretted.
But he knew that Carol would always be keeping an eye on him from Heaven.

Sometimes,
We just don't appreciate those people who really care for us,
Until they leave us
Until we lose them.

Then we regret.
Outer beauty doesn't matter; it's the inner one that counts.
It's better to tell someone how much you love them.
Rather than to not tell them and lose them without telling them.

You'll regret.

Love is.
When we fight till the very last minute,
Just to show and tell someone how much we love them.

Keep On Singing

Like any good mother, when Karen found out that another baby was on the way, she did what she could to help her 3-year old son, Michael, prepare for a new sibling.
They find out that the new baby is going to be a girl, and day after day, night after night, Michael sings to his sister in Mommy's tummy.

The pregnancy progresses normally for Karen, an active member of the Panther Creek United Methodist Church in Morristown,Tennessee.
Then the labor pains come.
Every five minutes every minute.
But complications arise during delivery.
Hours of labor.
Would a C-section be required?

Finally, Michael's little sister is born.
But she is in serious condition.
With siren howling in the night, the ambulance rushes the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Mary's Hospital, Knoxville, Tennessee.
The days inch by.
The little girl gets worse.
The pediatric specialist tells the parents, "There is very little hope. Be prepared for the worst."

Karen and her husband contact a local cemetery about a burial plot.
They have fixed up a special room in their home for the new baby - now they plan a funeral.

Michael, keeps begging his parents to let him see his sister,
"I want to sing to her," he says.

Week two in intensive care.
It looks as if a funeral will come before the week is over.
Michael keeps nagging about singing to his sister, but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care.
But Karen makes up her mind.
She will take Michael whether they like it or not.
If he doesn't see his sister now, he may never see her alive.

She dresses him in an oversized scrub suit and marches him into ICU.
He looks like a walking laundry basket, but the head nurse recognizes him as a child and bellows, "Get that kid out of here now! No children are allowed.

The mother rises up strong in Karen, and the usually mild-mannered lady glares steel-eyed into the head nurse's face, her lips a firm line.
"He is not leaving until he sings to his sister!"
Karen tows Michael to his sister's bedside.
He gazes at the tiny infant losing the battle to live. And he begins to sing.

In the pure hearted voice of a 3-year-old, Michael sings:
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray --- "

Instantly the baby girl responds.
The pulse rate becomes calm and steady.

Keep on singing, Michael.

"You never know, dear, how much I love you, Please don't take my sunshine away---"

The ragged, strained breathing becomes as smooth as a kitten's purr.
Keep on singing, Michael.

"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms..."

Michael's little sister relaxes as rest, healing rest, seems to sweep over her.
Keep on singing, Michael.
Tears conquer the face of the bossy head nurse. Karen glows.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Please don't, take my sunshine away."

Funeral plans are scrapped.
The next, day-the very next day-the little girl is well enough to go home!

Woman's Day magazine called it "the miracle of a brother's song."
The medical staff just called it a miracle.

Karen called it a miracle of God's love!

Never Give Up On The People You Love

P.S. Got tis from xDiorAngelx, thx huiling.. ;)

5 GOLDEN RULES FOR FINDING YOUR LIFE PARTNER
(by Rabbi Dov Heller,M.A.)

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success.
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.

Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love."

I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.
Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone).
Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here.

Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married.
Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.
When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again:
You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone.
You need a lot more.

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:
Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important?
Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone.
What do you plan to do with each other all that time?
Travel, eat and jog together?

You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.
You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage.
You can grow together, or you can grow apart.
50 percent of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person.
The basis of having good communication is trust!
i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.
Be honest with yourself on this one.
Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3:
Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person.
How can you test?

Here are some suggestions.
1. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

2. Are they serious about improving themselves?
A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing".
"So, ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?"
Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.
You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:
How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give.
By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following:

1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc?

2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

3. Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them!

4. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married.

As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the worse!"
If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.
The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.
It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE MET THE PERSON I SHOULD MARRY?

The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married".
Feelings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own.
They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain.

Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with.
This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person.
This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you.
More important yet, this person will share your children.

You need to choose wisely.
The decision should not be made based on feelings alone.
You need to ask yourself some tough questions.
The decisions have to be made on solid considerations.

Will this person be a good partner?
Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family?
Is he prepared to be a good provider?
What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it?
Will this person be a good parent?
Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person?

They will, you know.
Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits.
You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children.

If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children?
This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed.
Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent.

If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.
Does this person share your faith in God?
God does not give us children so that we can mould them into the coolest, most popular people in school.
Our job is to get them to heaven.

To do that, we need to raise them believing in God.
It is tough to do that if only one parent believes.
Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work.

Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day.
The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become.

Who will be answering those questions for your children?
Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control?
Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people.

Wrong! There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel.

There are also times when spouses, just get on each others' nerves.
At times like this, other people can seem very appealing.
That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women.

Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex?
If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty.
Do you want to worry about whether or not your Spouse is being faithful?

These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person.
None if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision.

You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you'.

You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone.
Your brain however must acknowledge that this person as a good choice. Don't listen to your heart alone or your head alone.
Wait until your heart and head agree.

Always Listening...
Always Understanding....

Nice Fireworks....


Click picture for larger view

It's a long but very touching story ...

This is a true story, taken from "Family"
Read it.. its very long but definitely worth reading...

Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family.
Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us.

Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young.
Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree.
You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery.
Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round.

As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother."
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.

Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy.
I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her.
For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the flowers!"

I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better."
Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."
Mother stopped saying anything.

But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure.
Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.

Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."
There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast.

In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife?
At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice.
She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.

As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me.
For example; she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags.

She would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.
One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room.

Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night.
I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.
I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?"
Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"

After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting.
At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife.

To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.
That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?"

He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.
After sometime, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat.
I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't.
I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out.

Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.
I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house.
Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.
For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call.

I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do?
For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life.

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor."
The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news.

Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?
At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there.
It had only been three days, but he looked haggard.

I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him.
He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab.
At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of joy.
What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down.

Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes.
I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.
That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up.

I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face.
He was removing the money.
I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good.

What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.
The next day, I did not go to work.
I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby.

I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."
I stood there in shock.
I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.

I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes.
My god, how could this happen?
Throughout the funeral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me.
I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people.

That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed towards the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside.
As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...

I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if...
In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe.
I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in.

I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later.
The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant.
After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes.
I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her.
He stared back at me, challenging me.
I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death.
I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.

That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that.
Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched -he had returned to take some of his stuff.

I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.
I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination.
My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.

I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room.
The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke.
On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper.
I know what it is all about without even looking at it.

In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself.
I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign."
He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.
As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy.
I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull the paper towards me.
Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.

"LD, you are pregnant?"
Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me.
I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops.
I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now."
He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket.
In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them.
I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't.
In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever.

We have drawn such deep scares in each other's heart.
For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional.
I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him.
From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.

Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room.
He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room.
At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet.
This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh.

He has forgotten that last time; I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?
Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born.
Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read.

Bag sand bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full.
I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions.
He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear him typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment.
He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital.

Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite.
Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind:
In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.
Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son, and me, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling.
I reached out and touched his hand.

Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor.
I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his...
I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.
Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long.

I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer?
Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:

"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be.
But daddy now no longer has that chance.

Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey.
To be honest, daddy is very happy.

Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."

From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me:

"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...
My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...

These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging..."

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma.
I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said:
"Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."

He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile.
Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air.
I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...

...The end...

Remember this, and keep it to your heart.
Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going.
You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying.
You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you..

Fool of Everyone..

"Oh, look what you've done.. You made the fool of everyone.."

well.. i'm the fool of everyone..

today is my 2nd day of my attachment..

feeling rather tired now..
becos of the travelling from my place..

AMK to my attachment co IBM in Changi..
and the things i've gone thru..

haven really slp tt well for the past few days..

got tt sicky feeling now..

dunno if i'm falling sick soon..

today was another boring day..
stayed at my office for most of the time..

ate in dere oso..

hasn't really got much things to do..
and couldn't find some1 to tok to..

the journey back home was another boring trip..

had acc..
but i wasn't meant to be dere..

juz cant seems to gel wit them..

not their fault though..
maybe its juz tt i'm tired..

its been a rather mental draining wk for mi..

wad happened?

if u are close to mi..
u would hav noe wad's wrong wit mi...

whose fault?? it not tt impt anymore..
actually i shldn't hav mentioned abt it anymore..

but.. i hope it will make myself feel better..
frenz come and go..

life still go on.. haiz.. forget it..

dun wan to continue anymore...

tml will be day 3 for my IPP..

dunno wad lies ahead yet..

juz hope tt i got things to do..
at least to keep myself more occupied..

dun wanna to tink too much abt my life..

dun wanna expect too much...
juz wan to slp my way thru IPP..
dunno when i'm getting my FYPJ grade..

hope it within my expectations..

till then..

all the best u all guys who keep the effort to visit my blog..

A big 'thank you' and take care.

as for when i'll blog again..

watch tis space.............................................................................

Small Deeds Big Impact..

I cried for my brother 6 times I was born in a secluded village of a mountain.
Days by days my parents plowed the yellow dry soil with their backs facing the sky.
I have a younger brother, 3 years younger than me.
Once, to buy a handkerchief which all girls around me seemed to have,
I stole 50 cents from my father's drawer.
Father known about it right away.

He made my younger brother and me kneeled against the wall,
with a bamboo stick in his hand. "Who stole the money?" he asked.
I was stunned, too afraid to talk.
Father didn't hear any of us admit, so he said,
"Fine, if nobody wants to admit, you two should be beaten!"
He lifted up the bamboo stick.

Suddenly, my younger brother gripped father's hand and said," Dad, I was the one who did it!" The long stick smacked on my brother's back repeatedly.
Father was so angry that he kept on whipped my brother until he lost his breath.
After that, he sat down on our stone bed and scolded my brother,
"You have learnt to steal from your own house now, what other embarrassing things you will do in the future??
You should be beaten to death! You shameless thief!"

That night, mother and I hugged my brother.
His body full of injuries, but he didn't shed a single tear.
In the middle of the night, all of sudden I cried out loudly.
My brother covered my mouth with his little hand and said, " Sis, now don't cry anymore. Everything has happened."

I still hate myself for didn't have enough courage to admit what I had done.
Years gone by, but the incident still looked like it just happened yesterday.
I will never forget my brother's expression when he protected me.

That year, my brother was 8 years old; I was 11 years old.
When my brother was in his last year of his lower secondary school,
he was accepted in an upper secondary school in the central.

At the same time, I was accepted into a province's university.
That night, father squatted in the yard, smoking, packet by packet.
I could hear him said, "Both our children have good results? very good results?"
Mother wiped off her tears and sighed,
" What is the use? How can we possibly finance both of them?"

At that time, my brother walked out, he stood in front of father and said,
"Dad, I don't want to continue my study anymore, I have read enough books."
Father swung his hand and slapped brother on his face.

"Why do you have a spirit so damn weak?
Even if it means I have to beg for money on the streets,
I will send you two to school until you both finish your study!"

And then, he started to knock on every house in the village to borrow money.
I stuck out my hand as soft as I can to my brother's swollen face, and said,
"A boy has to continue his study; If not, he will not be able to leave this depths of poverty."

Me, on the other hand, had decided not to further my study to university.
Who knows on the next day, before dawn,
my brother left the house with a few pieces of worn-out clothes and a few dry beans.
He sneaked to the side of my bed and left a note on my pillow;
"Sis, get into an university is not easy. I will go find a job and send money to you."
I held the note while sitting on my bed, and cried until I lost my voice.

That year, my brother was 17 years old; I was 20 years old.
With the money father borrowed from the whole village,
and money my brother earned from carrying cement on his back at construction site,
finally, I managed to get to the third year of my study in the university.

One day, I was studying in my room, when my roommate came in and told me,
"There's a villager wait for you outside!"

Why is there a villager looking for me?
I walked out, and saw my brother from afar, His whole body is dirty, covered by dust, cement and sands.

I asked him, "Why don't you tell my roommate that you are my brother?"
He replied with a smile,
" Look at my appearance.
What will they think if they know that I am your brother? Don't they laugh at you?"

I felt so touched, and tears filled my eyes.

I swept away dusts from my brother's body.
And said with a lump in my throat, " I don't care of what people say!
You are my brother no matter what your appearance is?"

From his pocket, he took out a butterfly hair clip.
He wore it on me, and said, "I saw all the girls in town are wearing it.
So, I think you should also have one." I could not hold back myself anymore.
I pulled my brother into my arms and cried and cried.

That year, my brother was 20 years old; I was 23 years old.
The first time I brought my boyfriend home, the broken window had been repaired.
And it looked so clean inside the house.
After, my boyfriend went home, I danced like a small girl in front of my mother,
"Mom, you don't have to spend so many time cleaning the house!"

But she said with a smile," It was your brother who went home early to clean the house. Didn't you see the wound on his hand? He was injured while replacing the window."

I went into my brother's small bedroom.
Looking at his thin face, I felt like there are hundreds of needle pricked in my heart.
I put some ointment on his wound and bandaged it, "Does it hurt? " I asked him.
"No, it doesn't hurt. You know, when I was working in the construction site,
stones falling on my feet all the time. Even that could not stop me from working and?"

In the middle of the sentence, he stopped. I turned my back on him and tears rolling down my face.

That year, my brother was 23 years old; I was 26 years old.
After I got married, I lived in the city.
Lots of time my husband invited my parents to come and live with us, but they didn't want. They said, once they left the village,they didn't know what to do.
My brother also didn't agree, he said, "Sis, you just taking care of your parents-in-law.
I will take care of mom and dad here."

My husband became the director of his factory.
We wanted my brother to get the job as the manager in the department of maintenance.
But, my brother rejected the offer.
He insisted on starting to work as a reparation worker.
One day, my brother was on the top of a ladder repairing a cable,
when he got electrocuted, and was sent to the hospital.
My husband and I visited him.

Looked at the white gypsum on his leg, I grumbled, "Why did you reject to be a manager? Manager will not do something dangerous like this.
Look at you now, such a serious injury. Why you didn't want to listen to us?"

With a serious expression on his face, he defended on his decision,
"Think of brother-in-law?he just became the director, and I almost uneducated.
If I became the manager, what kind of rumors will fly around?"

My husband's eyes filled up with tears, and then I said,
"But you lack in education also because of me!" "Why talking about the past?"
My brother held my hand.

That year, he was 26 years old and I was 29 years old.
My brother was 30 years old when he married a farmer girl from the village.
In his wedding reception, the master of ceremonies asked him,
"Who is the one you respect and love the most?"
Without thinking, he answered," My sister."

He continued by telling a story I could not even remember.
"When I was in primary school, the school was in different village.
Everyday, my sister and I walked for 2 hours to go school and go home.
One day, I lost one of my pair of gloves.
My sister gave me one of hers.
She only wore one glove and walked for so far.
When we got home, her hand was so trembled because of the weather that was so cold that she could not even hold her chopsticks.
From that day on, I swore that as long as I live, I would take care of my sister and be good to her."

Applause filled up the room.

All guests turned their attentions to me.
Words were so hard to come out from my mouth,
"In my whole life, the one I would like to thank the most is my brother,"
And in this happy occasion, in front of the crowd, tears rolling down my face again. Love and care for the one you love every single days of your life.

You may think what you did is just a small deed, but to that someone, it may mean a lot. Have a nice day everyone! May this story inspire you in any way!

Jet - Look What You've Done

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Hey Guys..

long time din blog le.. well.. let mi do some updating abt mi..
tis wk is the end of wk 11 for my FYPJ.. left 1 more wk..
it will end at 14th of Aug.. yeah?? no chance...
i'll starting my IPP on the 16th of Aug.. haven noe where i'll be posted..

juz hope the pay is gd?? juz gimme $1000.. (in my dreamz)
anyway.. tis 11 wks of prison job in sch to do my FYP... was living hell..
basically i'll say most of the time.. i'm doing nthing.. doing proj??

nah.. i tink i'm more familiar wit others pple proj den mine.. y??
cos i've been spending time helping pple.. i'm not complaining..
juz stating facts.. haha... those who did appoarched mi.. time to feel guilty.. isnt it??

other den proj.. basically nthing much happened.. been drifting in life..
counting my days each day as they passed..

those who real hardcore visitors of my blog.. thanx.. and continue ur support..
and btw.. comments on my blogs.. u can post ur tinkings oso.. if not it's gettting dull..

For those out dere.. All the best in life.. dun be like mi.. ;)

A love story....
 
Message: Peter and Tina are sitting in the park doing nothing, but just gazing into the sky, while all their friends are having fun with their beloved half.
 
Tina: I'm so bored. Just wish I have a boyfriend now to spend time with.
 
Peter: I guess we're the only leftovers. We're the only person who isn't with a date now. (both sigh n silence for a while)
 
Tina: I think I have a good idea. Lets play a game
 
Peter: Eh? What game?
 
Tina: Eem..It's quite simple. You be my boyfriend for 100 days and I'll be your girlfriend for 100 days. what do you think?
 
Peter: Oookay..Anyway I don't have any plan for the next few months.
 
Tina: You sound like you aren't looking forward to it at all. Cheer up. Today will be our first day and our first date. Where should we go?
 
Peter: What about a movie? I heard that there is a really great movie in theater now.
 
Tina: Seems like I don't have any better idea than this. Lets move. (went to watch their movies and sent each other home)
 
Day 2: Peter and Tina went to a concert together, and Peter bought Tina a keychain with a star.
 
Day 3: They went shopping together for a friend's birthday present. Share an ice-cream together and hugged each other for the first time.
 
Day 7: Peter drove Tina up onto a mountain and they watch the sunset together. When the night came and the moon glowed, they said sat on the grass gazing at the stars together. A meteor passed by. Tina mumbled something.
 
Day 25: Spend time at a themepark and got onto rollercoasters, and ate hotdogs and cotton candy. Peter and Tina got in the haunted house and Tina grabbed someone's hand instead of Peter's hand by accident. They laughed together for a while.
 
Day 67: They drove pass a circus and decided to get in to watch the show. The midget asked Tina to play a part as his assistant in the magic show. Went around to see other entertainments around after the show. Came to a fortune teller and she just said "Treasure every moment from now on" and a tear rolled down the fortune teller's cheek.
 
Day 84: Tina suggested that they go to the beach. The beach wasn't so crowded that day. They have their first kiss with each other just as the sun is setting.
 
Day 99: They decided to have a simple day and is deciding to have a walk around the city. They sits down onto a bench.
 
1:23 pm Tina: I'm thirsty. Lets rest for a while first.
 
Peter: Wait here while I go buy some drinks. What would you like?
 
Tina: Eem...Apple juice will be just fine.
 
1:43 pm Tina waiting for about 20 minutes and Peter havent return. Then someone walked up to her.
 
Stranger: Is your name Tina? Tina: Yes, and may I help you?
 
Stranger: Justnow down there on the street a drunk driver has crashed into a guy. I think its your friend.
 
Tina ran over to the spot with the stranger and sees Peter lying on the floor with blood over his face and her apple juice still in his hands.
 
The ambulance came and she went to the hospital with Peter. Tina sat outside the emergency room for five and a half hours. The doctor came out, and he sigh.
 
11:51 pm Doctor: I'm sorry, but we did the best we could. He is still breathing now but God would take him away from us very soon.
 
We found this letter inside his pocket. The doctor hands over the letter to Tina and she goes into the room to see Peter. He look weak but peaceful.
 
Tina read the letter and then she burst into tears. Here is what the letter said.
 
"Tina, our 100 days is almost over. I had fun with you during all these days. Although you may be greedy sometimes and less thoughtful, but these all brought happiness into my life. I have realize that you are a really cute girl and blamed myself for never taken the time to knowing that. I have nothing much to ask for, but I just wish that we can extend the day. I want to be your boyfriend forever and wish that you can be beside me all the time. Tina, I love you."
 
11:58 Tina: (sobbing) Peter. Did you know what was the wish I made on the night there was a meteor. I asked God to let us last forever. We were suppose to last 100 days so Peter! You can't leave me! I LOVE YOU, but can you come back to me now? I love you Peter. I LOVE YOU. As the clock struck twelve, Peter's heart stopped beating. It was 100 days.
 
NOTE* Tell the guy or girl that you love them before its too late. You never know whats going to happen tomorrow. You never know who will be leaving you and never return